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Gotta say it. I'm a really good and loyal friend to a point.
But when a friend has such constant self-inflicted drama due to his or her own stupidity, I'm done. Because at that point, I'm not their friend. I'm their psychologist and support system.
I've done that. A roomate from college who could be fun and funny but was often whining about one thing or another. She had a temper, also, and yelled at me at least twice that I can recall which for me was two times too many (and that was 25 years ago). I had allowed some distance to grow since I was dating my fiance regularly. The last time I heard from her, she was wailing about her unrequited love for a married man. She just went on and on about this crush like it was a true problem. I moved the following week, cut off my phone service, and never heard from her again. Thank heaven!
I did it again many years later. A woman who had a son the same age as my daughter. We had playdates, etc. As her kids got older she got more and more neurotic. I just stopped calling/emailing.
I guess I don't like whiners! These relationships weren't particularly toxic to me, just wore on y patience. Honestly? I'm too cautious and smart to begin toxic relationships, so I don't have to worry about how to end them.
Oh, and yeah, I cut my toxic ex husband out of my life as well.
I have cut several very toxic people out of my life, including family members. I won't go into the stories as that would only serve to rehash old drama, but I must say I was very happy to put time and distance between us and have them out of my life.
We only have a few close circle of friends whom we have "vetted".
We weeded out those "toxic friends" who seem to be:
~drunks, reliant on alcohol
~potheads, reliant on wanting to smoke {we don't}
~Other druggies {all of the illegal ones-again, we don't and when one out of town-er brought one illegal substance he was told NOT to do into the household and "used it" in our home in the bedroom, he was quickly shown the door, and was never allowed back}
~relationship dependent {on us, or others-always needing someone around, or always being around}
~needy {other ways}
~co-dependent {similar to relationship dependent, but not as intense on the relationship part}
~ moochers {always broke, needing money, borrowing and never paying back, etc.}
Now, if the quality of friends we have now would grow, we'd have a whole list of quality friends. Insted, we are happier with a small group of close "good friends" none of whom have the above characteristics shading our friendship. Quality beats out quantity any day!
We may seem to be "picky" or "judgemental", but there are OBVIOUS reasons why we cut those above listed characteristics OUT of our friendship list! And IF you DON'T know why, then you must be one of the above types!
I've been trying to decide when, how or if I should cut my mother out of my life, but other than that, I did cut one of her cousins out of my life. I had been getting to know him, and one time he got butt-hurt because I couldn't get together on a day I had to work. I couldn't believe that. Anyway I didn't know him that well and didn't need that crap, so I stopped returning his calls. Took over a year for him to stop calling.
I haven't seen or spoken to my mother in four years. Best decision I ever made. Good luck. It's not easy to make these calls.
i have toxic relationships in my family. i have not had any desire to cut these people out, though. i am always still hopeful. i think the fact that an immediate family member has been in a coma for seven years plays a large role in my attitude, though. we almost have no choice but to stick together to cope.
i suppose i have given up on my brother in the coma. i refuse to give up on anyone else, though.
as far as my friends i enjoy being around people with different opinions, personalities and different lives. i definitely havent wanted to cut anyone out there.
A few months ago. She was my BF. I lost my job and I was supposed to go to her wedding and she was being totally unreasonable. Told her the news and she did not console me. She just asked me if I could still go to the wedding. So I cut her out of my life. I don't have time for all that. She was a moocher and wanted me to pay for everything. Before I got fired, I used half of my paycheck to help pay for her vacation, thinking I was a good friend. I held a lot of resentment thus and when I needed her, she wasn't there for me. She called me a few weeks ago and it's been months since the whole fiasco... I realized I needed to really stick to my guns and I never responded.
In fact, losing your job really helps you see who's with you and who isn't. I cut out everyone who wasn't "with" me. Best decision ever, and I'm excited to make more real friends/connections now that I have more wisdom and knowledge and confidence.
We moved to a different state. We have long time friends who can be super annoying. We didn't need to cut them out, but we would have if we hadn't moved. My husband and the guy were volunteer firemen and so we started doing things with he and his wife.
But the wife is one of the sourest people I've ever met, and has no interests except her two dogs. We used to go out to dinner with them almost every weekend, and she never once had a drink or meal that there wasn't something wrong with.
When I got sober and wanted to change my whole life, I cut a lot of people out. I even changed jobs. There was collateral damage too . . . People who weren't really toxic to me, but were too much of a reminder of a lifestyle I needed to move away from. It was hard, but time heals all and I feel I made the right decision. New people and situations always come along that are better for where you are in life at that point. Life is too short to waste on people/places who bring you down.
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