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I am not a conservative (in the present-day U.S. sense) nor a Catholic; nevertheless I would dump such a friend. Suddenly he has just turned about age twelve on the social skills scale, and who knows when he'll catch up again.
I have been avoiding him but he is relentless and if I don't reply to a text he will just keep texting. It hurts me because I care for him, I was gonna ask him to be my sons godfather but not after this. He is entitled to believe whatever he likes but I don't get why he is being such a tool about me and my family. I have always treated him like my brother, he had crazy parents and would stay at my house for weeks and my parents would feed him, give him somewhere to stay, bus fare, rides to school (he went to public and I went to catholic after junior high so it's not like he would tag along) and my dad employed him and tried to teach him a trade..it just hurts that he is ruining our friendship over such petty BS. I wish he would just shut up and let us move on and be friends
If you are really tired of his resistance to abide by your wishes then block his number, problem solved.
If/when he sees you and asks you why you don't respond tell him you blocked his number because he refuses to respect your wishes to not discuss politics.
It is that simple.
You don't have to be hateful about it. However, his ways are unfair and wrong toward you. He is not being a very good friend to you. Just kind of stop replying to his texts and delete them if they are annoying. Stop inviting him along to things. Just kind of slowly back away. You don't have to completely cut off ALL ties to him. If he ever asks why or wants answers, answer him in a polite way that you can't deal with it anymore. Tell him you will always care about him but you just don't like his new aggressive ways. Tell him that he is too hurtful. What I think is that he has turned into a culture warrior due to his newfound beliefs. He is young, though. He may change again. Most people tend to calm down later in life. Time tames every lion.
Keep him at a comfortable distance, tell him you'll always care, and tell him you'll be there waiting if he ever comes back around.
Me and my best friend have known each other since we are about 8 years old. We were neighbors and then we both moved to Philly from Pittsburgh for college and shared an apartment. I love him like a brother.
We have always had different political views, I'm a moderate republican (believe in capitalist/unregulated free markets and am pretty live and let live/if I dont like it I don't do it on most social issues, believe in strong and aggressive foreign policy and am opposed to illegal immigration strongly) and he has always been a moderate/lefty democrat but nothing too extreme. I've always been under the impression that we were both in the middle and I am just one step right and he is one step left and we have had many civil discussions. He is dating some granola hipster girl (I'm married and expecting a baby) and she has somehow made a legit communist out of him. Every conversation we have turns into him going into some tangent about class war and quoting Das Kapital or something. He has been saying some extreme stuff like, "the family unit should be obliterated and kids raised communally" (not the thing to say to a soon to be daddy) and "churches should be burned to the ground" (I'm a practicing catholic) and just some other extreme and outlandish stuff. I let him know that he is entitled to believe what he wants but some of his positions offend me so let's just refrain from talking politics so we can keep it civil. However he won't stop, he's constantly emailing me/texting me/posting on my Facebook timeline with extreme Marxist stuff, hateful things about Christianity and he called my family who owns a business and employed him for years "capitalist pigs".
I have a hard time believing that he actually believes this kind of crap and I want to believe that he is just trying to rile me up and/or impress his girlfriend but regardless I have literally begged him to stop and he said that I was "being a fascist and stifling his dissenting views"
He is my best friend and I don't care what he believes but I just don't want to argue about it anymore. I'm a grown man with a pregnant wife and when I have a free couple hours to hang out with my friends I would rather have fun, watch sports, and not get into heated political duels..it's draining. I had to remove him from posting on my FB because it's tied to my family's business page and every Friday when me and all my high school friends usually get together I haven't been including him because he makes everything miserable.
Like I said, I seriously really care about him and I just want him to stop so we can hang out and be normal without him picking some insane fight. I don't know what to say to him to get him to shut up, should I just drop him? Ughh
You're going to drop a friend of decades because he has different political views than you?? My best friend and I are going on 40 years now...she is conservative and I'm as liberal as they come...when she tries to talk politics with me I say "I don't want to talk about politics!" and I insist we change the subject...what's the problem? Sounds like you just don't like his new girlfriend.
I haven't read most of the other posts but know that people on Internet forums tend to be very Jerry Springerish. Really quick on the draw in terms of the “kick him to the curb” advice. That’s pretty much always the standard â€round here.
The guy is your friend. Sounds like he’s gone a little whacko. My very strong guess is that it’s the girl – he wasn’t like that pre-girl right? You’re growing up, he’s regressing.
I say to give it a little time instead of “dumping” him. Go ahead and distance yourself so you aren’t as involved with the cuckoo craziness too much but don’t say goodbye forever and all together. I mean how long can he keep this up? My prediction is not very long. He’ll have to come back to reality sometime...like when he wants a better car or some new clothes or some other comforts. Or when he stops seeing that girl. Or when he simply snaps out of it himself and stops playing the game of idiocy because he realizes it’s idiotic and there are more important things to be idiotic about.
This happens with some people sometimes. He probably just needs to get it out of his system. Keep him on a long leash and hopefully he’ll come back. Best of luck and congrats on your first kid. Hope all goes well.
You're going to drop a friend of decades because he has different political views than you?? My best friend and I are going on 40 years now...she is conservative and I'm as liberal as they come...when she tries to talk politics with me I say "I don't want to talk about politics!" and I insist we change the subject...what's the problem? Sounds like you just don't like his new girlfriend.
No, he's going to drop a friend who is showing an appalling lack of respect by ignoring his requests to refrain from antagonizing him.
The different politics isn't the problem. The fact that the friend is allowing the different politics to drive a wedge between them is the problem.
OP, don't "dump" the memories of your friendship; it is a part of your life and who you are. Keep the photographs and fondly remember the good times.
But your friend has become highly toxic. It's not a liberal-conservative issue, and its not a matter of simple disagreement; it's an issue of him attacking the foundations of your very life. He knows that you are about to become a father (congratulations on that, by the way), and he surely must know how repulsive the idea must be to you of having kids raised in a collective, rather than by their own parents. He also knows that you are preparing to assume a greater role in running the family business, so he must know how distasteful you would find the idea of your family's life work being nationalized by the government. And he knows that you are Catholic, so he must know how horrible you would find the idea of burning your holy churches down to the ground.
I don't know what happened to this guy; maybe his commie girlfriend has swayed him over to the Dark Side. But regardless, he has made it clear that he does not value you for who you are and what you stand for. He has become an enemy of the things you hold most dear, and there is simply no reason for you to allow an enemy to continue assailing you. It's hard, but you need to pull back.
Oh, and one more thing. DO NOT LET HIM BE YOUR CHILD'S GODFATHER!!!!! As I understand it, a Godfather is a person who will (1) assist in the Christian upbringing of your child, and (2) be prepared to take over raising him/her, if you and your wife should pass away prematurely. Can you imagine anything worse than your own child being raised by someone who is diametrically opposed to the ideals and values that you will want to inculcate in him/her?
At least you can end the friendship if you like. I have to deal with an ultraconservative BIL who is relentless with his political views. It's all he talks about. He went from a non political dolt to this extreme right wing dolt who won't keep his views to himself. I hate talking politics with anyone let alone this blowhard but try as I might, he won't shut up.
OP, don't "dump" the memories of your friendship; it is a part of your life and who you are. Keep the photographs and fondly remember the good times.
But your friend has become highly toxic. It's not a liberal-conservative issue, and its not a matter of simple disagreement; it's an issue of him attacking the foundations of your very life. He knows that you are about to become a father (congratulations on that, by the way), and he surely must know how repulsive the idea must be to you of having kids raised in a collective, rather than by their own parents. He also knows that you are preparing to assume a greater role in running the family business, so he must know how distasteful you would find the idea of your family's life work being nationalized by the government. And he knows that you are Catholic, so he must know how horrible you would find the idea of burning your holy churches down to the ground.
I don't know what happened to this guy; maybe his commie girlfriend has swayed him over to the Dark Side. But regardless, he has made it clear that he does not value you for who you are and what you stand for. He has become an enemy of the things you hold most dear, and there is simply no reason for you to allow an enemy to continue assailing you. It's hard, but you need to pull back.
Oh, and one more thing. DO NOT LET HIM BE YOUR CHILD'S GODFATHER!!!!! As I understand it, a Godfather is a person who will (1) assist in the Christian upbringing of your child, and (2) be prepared to take over raising him/her, if you and your wife should pass away prematurely. Can you imagine anything worse than your own child being raised by someone who is diametrically opposed to the ideals and values that you will want to inculcate in him/her?
^^^ This. Your former friend has become extreme to the point of promoting violence, which is a far different matter from being politically liberal. He is disrespectful at the least, and potentially violent and dangerous at the worst. Whether the new girl friend has contributed to or reinforces his extreme views is debatable and not really relevant to the problem of your friendship with him. It does sound as if she is encouraging his readiness to blame the world for his situation. What sort of work, if any, does SHE do, btw?
My guess is that he secretly feels very poorly about himself and his seeming lack of success in the adult world - minimum wage job, not many prospects - particularly in contrast to your situation. So he must blame others for his problems - heck, why not blame western society as a whole?? That'll work!
So, back off your communication with him. Don't respond to his more outrageous statements at all. Put some distance between you, but be cordial if you meet up in real life. Put some boundaries in place - right now, your focus is your own family and your soon-to-be new baby (congratulations!). Find new friends with whom you have more in common - your church may have groups for young families that would provide you with more rewarding connections.
I hope your old friend matures and changes his views soon, and that he doesn't fall further into extremist views that might lead to extreme actions. But - in case he does become overtly threatening, do not hesitate to notify the authorities. His comments about burning churches are pretty far-gone and could put him under the eye of the authorities in most communities.
He is my best friend and I don't care what he believes but I just don't want to argue about it anymore. I'm a grown man with a pregnant wife and when I have a free couple hours to hang out with my friends I would rather have fun, watch sports, and not get into heated political duels..it's draining. I had to remove him from posting on my FB because it's tied to my family's business page and every Friday when me and all my high school friends usually get together I haven't been including him because he makes everything miserable.
Like I said, I seriously really care about him and I just want him to stop so we can hang out and be normal without him picking some insane fight. I don't know what to say to him to get him to shut up, should I just drop him? Ughh
Tell him what I've boldfaced above. He may not realize how annoying he's being. Give him the chance to rectify it. If he doesn't, then put some distance between you. You're going to be so busy with the baby, you'll probably be spending less time with him naturally, anyway.
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