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"Dude, call me back when you have something other than politics to talk about."
Bingo! I mean, I talk politics a lot, and my group of friends, whether on the right or the left or in the middle, enjoy it, but I know when its inappropriate to discuss. I'm more interested in catching up, talking sports, current events, life happenings, etc.
Thank you guys all for sound advice. It's not that I honestly care about his extreme views, they are about as realistic as me finding a unicorn In my yard, it's just the fact that he keeps carrying on. It's like dude, be quiet already.
We used to balance each other. When I was a kid I was the "study hard, go to mass on Sunday, and be in bed by 9pm" type and he was the flannel shirt wearing "screw the establishment" type who wanted to skip math class and smoke the cigarettes he stole from his mom. If we hadn't been friends my youth would have been terribly boring and he would have wound up in juvie.
I have always been into politics, I even minored in PoliSci and he and I used to be able to have lively discussions about things like politics, religion etc. it was fun and I enjoy intellectual conversation. But now he is just being ridiculous and he is just trying to rile me up. As for his girlfriend, I do very much dislike her but that's not my business...I find her domineering and wierd and he just "yes ma'ams" her insanity;
It's not a liberal vs. conservative issue, it's a "please stop being ridiculous and let's enjoy the time we get to hang out with each other" issue. It's just very hard for me. I keep in contact with most of my old friends but he was more than just my old friend, I have seen him as a brother..I have always loved him like he was my own blood. My actual brother lives in LA and is 10 years older than me so we aren't very close, and I will be honest...even though I am happy and feel incredibly blessed to be having a baby, taking a bigger role in the business and having the ability to purchase a home at my age...I am stressed and going through growing pains. My whole life is changing very quickly and I just wish so bad that he could be there for when I need a break and just want to go pick him up and hang out, but he just isn't himself anymore...everything is "lame" or "fascist" or "bourgeois", I tried to ask him his opinion on his favorite boys and girls names cause we were stumped, and he said some stupidity along the lines of "why don't you name 'it' Julius or Ethel (as in Rosenberg) after the martyrs for class struggle who died at the hands of the U.S. fascist machine"..i seriously almost slapped him.
Again, I don't care who he dates or what he believes, I would just like him to shut up about it and be able to just be my friend. I have always been so so good to him. If things were better, he wouldn't be working for $8 an hour because I would offer him a job, he wouldn't be living in some crumbling hovel of a roach motel apartment because I just made an offer on a 3 bedroom home with a basement apartment that he could've lived in for free. I'm just sad that he has made a conscious choice not to be there for me. I know it sounds pathetic but I am going through lots of changes in my life and I don't want to sound gay or anything but I am having a moment or two where I need a hug, or at least someone to go goof off with and take my mind off of everything for a minute. It's like I see him, and it's him but he has become a smug and confrontational tool.
I blocked his number on my cell, and I am dreading bumping into him. I miss my best friend, I actually could almost cry because I just wish he could be there for all of this and come along for the ride.
Thank you go everyone who congratulated me, I really mean it. I cannot wait to finally be a dad already!!!
OP, you are doing a lot of humble-bragging. Maybe you don't realize it, but over and over again you cast your life as almost perfect and your friend's life as being in the dumpster. Maybe you do this with your friend as well and what you are getting is his immature reaction to that. Early 20's is super young. Both of you will probably be very different people in even just a couple of years. I think the others were right to encourage you to keep your distance from him if he's hurting your feelings. Maybe keep your heart open, though, for later on down the line. Congrats on the impending birth of your child!
OP, you are doing a lot of humble-bragging. Maybe you don't realize it, but over and over again you cast your life as almost perfect and your friend's life as being in the dumpster. Maybe you do this with your friend as well and what you are getting is his immature reaction to that. Early 20's is super young. Both of you will probably be very different people in even just a couple of years. I think the others were right to encourage you to keep your distance from him if he's hurting your feelings. Maybe keep your heart open, though, for later on down the line. Congrats on the impending birth of your child!
How am I bragging? Especially with him he knows always that if he ever needed something, he could ask. I have always wanted to take him along and share whatever successes I have and help. My life is far from perfect but yes his life sucks, and I wish I could help him. I would give him the shirt off my back.
I am gonna keep my distance tho, thanks for the congrats
Thank you guys all for sound advice. It's not that I honestly care about his extreme views, they are about as realistic as me finding a unicorn In my yard, it's just the fact that he keeps carrying on. It's like dude, be quiet already.
We used to balance each other. When I was a kid I was the "study hard, go to mass on Sunday, and be in bed by 9pm" type and he was the flannel shirt wearing "screw the establishment" type who wanted to skip math class and smoke the cigarettes he stole from his mom. If we hadn't been friends my youth would have been terribly boring and he would have wound up in juvie.
I have always been into politics, I even minored in PoliSci and he and I used to be able to have lively discussions about things like politics, religion etc. it was fun and I enjoy intellectual conversation. But now he is just being ridiculous and he is just trying to rile me up. As for his girlfriend, I do very much dislike her but that's not my business...I find her domineering and wierd and he just "yes ma'ams" her insanity;
It's not a liberal vs. conservative issue, it's a "please stop being ridiculous and let's enjoy the time we get to hang out with each other" issue. It's just very hard for me. I keep in contact with most of my old friends but he was more than just my old friend, I have seen him as a brother..I have always loved him like he was my own blood. My actual brother lives in LA and is 10 years older than me so we aren't very close, and I will be honest...even though I am happy and feel incredibly blessed to be having a baby, taking a bigger role in the business and having the ability to purchase a home at my age...I am stressed and going through growing pains. My whole life is changing very quickly and I just wish so bad that he could be there for when I need a break and just want to go pick him up and hang out, but he just isn't himself anymore...everything is "lame" or "fascist" or "bourgeois", I tried to ask him his opinion on his favorite boys and girls names cause we were stumped, and he said some stupidity along the lines of "why don't you name 'it' Julius or Ethel (as in Rosenberg) after the martyrs for class struggle who died at the hands of the U.S. fascist machine"..i seriously almost slapped him.
Again, I don't care who he dates or what he believes, I would just like him to shut up about it and be able to just be my friend. I have always been so so good to him. If things were better, he wouldn't be working for $8 an hour because I would offer him a job, he wouldn't be living in some crumbling hovel of a roach motel apartment because I just made an offer on a 3 bedroom home with a basement apartment that he could've lived in for free. I'm just sad that he has made a conscious choice not to be there for me. I know it sounds pathetic but I am going through lots of changes in my life and I don't want to sound gay or anything but I am having a moment or two where I need a hug, or at least someone to go goof off with and take my mind off of everything for a minute. It's like I see him, and it's him but he has become a smug and confrontational tool.
I blocked his number on my cell, and I am dreading bumping into him. I miss my best friend, I actually could almost cry because I just wish he could be there for all of this and come along for the ride.
Thank you go everyone who congratulated me, I really mean it. I cannot wait to finally be a dad already!!!
I know this hurts and you want your old friend back but people do change. My dd had the same issue with one of her friends from high school and realized both of them had changed so much and my dd just let her friend go. If they run into each other she is civil and polite but my dd has moved on with her life.
Be civil and polite when/if you run into him. Ok to be honest if he ask why you are avoiding him. If he starts in argueing politely cut it off and walk on. When you grow and mature sometimes childhood freindships don't. That is ok remember the good times and move on with your life. Maybe later he would come around and realize he needs to respect your values and friendship even if he doesn't agree with them. Right now he isn't acting like a good friend to you.
How am I bragging? Especially with him he knows always that if he ever needed something, he could ask. I have always wanted to take him along and share whatever successes I have and help. My life is far from perfect but yes his life sucks, and I wish I could help him. I would give him the shirt off my back.
Some people cannot abide having a friend who does the above in their life. The contrast between the generosity of your spirit and the meanness in their soul is too galling.
Yes, you're offering help out of love but he could see it as lording your happiness and prosperity over him. He probably thinks he doesn't need help. Friends turn into rivals when one feels inferior. You said, "He called my family who owns a business and employed him for years `capitalist pigs'."
Frankly, his left turn into extremism is most likely because it makes him feel powerful to talk about burning down churches and making parents give up their children. You have to accept that he's behaving the way he is because he wants you to witness his new power and realize what he could do to you.
You can't help him or cure him of any of this or save him. It's his journey. Leave him to it.
What you can do is keep your family safe in case he decides to act on any of his violent fantasies. As a wise man once said, "When someone tells you they want to hurt you, believe them."
Last edited by fluffythewondercat; 05-05-2015 at 09:56 AM..
I don't want to go all off topic, but is he well mentally? (not to imply that liberalism equals mental illness !!!)
What I mean is this kind of rapid escalation of extreme thought and an inability to self manage can often be associated with certain biochemical issues. He may just be a jerk, but early 20s is when many underlying conditions become more acute.
I let him know that he is entitled to believe what he wants but some of his positions offend me so let's just refrain from talking politics so we can keep it civil. However he won't stop, he's constantly emailing me/texting me/posting on my Facebook timeline with extreme Marxist stuff, hateful things about Christianity and he called my family who owns a business and employed him for years "capitalist pigs".
I have literally begged him to stop and he said that I was "being a fascist and stifling his dissenting views"
I had to remove him from posting on my FB because it's tied to my family's business page and every Friday when me and all my high school friends usually get together I haven't been including him because he makes everything miserable.
Like I said, I seriously really care about him and I just want him to stop so we can hang out and be normal without him picking some insane fight. I don't know what to say to him to get him to shut up, should I just drop him? Ughh
Well what you've got there is a Leftist, and a hard core one at that. There's really nothing you can do but remove him from your life. Leftism is a mental disorder and like psychopathy, quite incurable. There is reason to believe the two are related. I've lost friends in the past for this same reason. They get the disorder, become obsessed with this hideous ideology, and never ever shut up about it or leave you alone about it. Every facet and aspect of your life is a target for their ideological criticism.
When it gets to that point it's time to cut your losses and move on. I learned many years ago I cannot be friends with a Leftist. As soon as I become aware of them I exclude them from my life pronto. I really believe the only thing that can be done with them is to strap them into a hospital bed under permanent heavy sedation.
I tried to ask him his opinion on his favorite boys and girls names cause we were stumped, and he said some stupidity along the lines of "why don't you name 'it' Julius or Ethel (as in Rosenberg) after the martyrs for class struggle who died at the hands of the U.S. fascist machine"..i seriously almost slapped him.
Though I totally disagree with his assessment of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, I have to give him points for at least knowing who they were. I'd bet not 1 in 100 people your age have ever even heard of them.
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