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Before I go on, let me describe their living arrangement. In a 700 square foot apartment, there's mom, dad, sister 1, sister 2, sister 2's boyfriend, a baby, and a full grown pit bull. So, that's 5 adults, a baby, and a pit bull in a 2 bedroom apartment.
The mom is an alcoholic. And she gets violent when she drinks.
My boyfriend and I are out of ideas.
1st, in some cities it is illegal for that many people to live in that small of a space.
2nd, a baby and a pit bull is, IMHO, a deadly "accident" just waiting to happen, especially in a small confined space with that many people
3rd, Grandma gets violent when she drinks
It would be a blessing to the child to report this situation to CPS.
How do you know that? It's quite possible (though I admit I don't know for fact) that she would have realized she needed to get her act together as no one else would do it for her.
It's not likely. There's like gobs of research that show only 3 things sucessfully encourage low income women to delay pregnancy until marriage or economic stability:
1. Access to free or low cost birth control combined with:
2. High personal goals that feel attainable (wanting a degree or a particular job and seeing a path there) or
3. Plenty of suitable men around to marry (men their age who have jobs that can support a family)
That's what works. Without that young women will still have babies even if they have to lie to themselves about how they will feed and care for them.
That "common sense" logic doesn't work. Especially with young women looking to fill a void like the one the OP is describing.
The young woman in the post we were responding to had multiple baby daddies but she has a JOB. It's not the ideal situation, but she is in a position to support hersf and her kids and that happened because that couple helped her see an educational goal and a way to achieve it. We're not paying for her family and the kids are growing up seeing the mother work. That's a win in my book compared to the likely alternative.
God, you people make me so depress... The most depressing part is you're right.
I just came home from work today (spent 12 hours at work today) and got word. It will take $2k to fix their car. They've decided to sell it to a junk yard for $300.
They just spent $1500 to buy that car just 3 months ago, too. From a distance, it seems to me like being poor means one bad thing after another keeps happening. They don't ever seem to get a break.
God, you people make me so depress... The most depressing part is you're right.
I just came home from work today (spent 12 hours at work today) and got word. It will take $2k to fix their car. They've decided to sell it to a junk yard for $300.
They just spent $1500 to buy that car just 3 months ago, too. From a distance, it seems to me like being poor means one bad thing after another keeps happening. They don't ever seem to get a break.
Well, when you make one bad choice after another, why would there be a break?
Some people are just built for that kind of trouble, unfortunately.
God, you people make me so depress... The most depressing part is you're right.
I just came home from work today (spent 12 hours at work today) and got word. It will take $2k to fix their car. They've decided to sell it to a junk yard for $300.
They just spent $1500 to buy that car just 3 months ago, too. From a distance, it seems to me like being poor means one bad thing after another keeps happening. They don't ever seem to get a break.
One of the traps of poverty is that often you have to choose the cheapest immediate option but it's also the lowest quality or most expensive in the long run.
Can't work without transportation, so you have to get a car. don't have cash or credit to buy a reliable car, so you have to get what you can get for cheap. Only it costs more in repairs in the long run and is more likely to break down. But if you waited you wouldnt have had the job to make the money to buy a better car. You end up stuck in an endless loop.
Food would last longer if you could buy in bulk but you never have that much cash on hand or much cash at all, so you buy cheap food and try and to make it last as long as possible. Only the cheap food is low quality which effects your health and energy levels, increasing your stress levels when you are always tired from your crap diet. To combat the stress you buy cheap alcohol or cigarettes or weed or junk food or whatever, and now you are stuck in a loop of self-medication using things that just make you more tired and stressed in the long run.
Of course these things become a way of life, and it can be hard to see past all that if everybody around you pretty much lives the same way. That's why the cycle is hard to break. People have to 1. See a way out and 2. Be confident they can attain it and 3. Have help at key points along the way once they start trying to change their path. That's what the OP's boyfriend has that the sister doesn't: a realistic vision for 1 & 2 and the OP is helping with 3. The sister has a completely unrealistic vision for 1 & 2. She thinks that is her boyfriend and a baby.
God, you people make me so depress... The most depressing part is you're right.
I just came home from work today (spent 12 hours at work today) and got word. It will take $2k to fix their car. They've decided to sell it to a junk yard for $300.
They just spent $1500 to buy that car just 3 months ago, too. From a distance, it seems to me like being poor means one bad thing after another keeps happening. They don't ever seem to get a break.
They could have bought a better car had she been working and had that income. Instead, she walks out of jobs because she doesn't want to work. This severely limits their options.
It has crossed my mind to do nothing. And I know it's the politically correct thing for me to say who am I to decide what's good for them.
We know the parents are gone. But the sisters are still young and there's a chance we can do something to get them out of the mentality that they are in. It's like watching a train wreck happening in slow-mo.
And the fact of the matter is they are already in our lives. It seems too heartless to just do nothing.
You can not make adults do anything they dont want to do. Dave Ramsey has a good saying "Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still." They have to WANT to change their situation, you can't make them do that. You can show them what can be done, you can discuss and show them how to better their situation, but you can't make them do it. They have to WANT to do it....want to do it bad enough to do something about it. To make the sacrifices that need to be done.
Be very careful throwing them a lifeline. They will drag you under with them. You can't help them if you are put in a bad situation yourself.
God, you people make me so depress... The most depressing part is you're right.
I just came home from work today (spent 12 hours at work today) and got word. It will take $2k to fix their car. They've decided to sell it to a junk yard for $300.
They just spent $1500 to buy that car just 3 months ago, too. From a distance, it seems to me like being poor means one bad thing after another keeps happening. They don't ever seem to get a break.
I would expect them to be coming to you soon, with their hands out, asking for a "loan" to get another car. I would hand them a bus schedule instead.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe
Well, when you make one bad choice after another, why would there be a break?
Some people are just built for that kind of trouble, unfortunately.
BTW, the next time the mother starts ranting against the gay - let him quote the only part of the bible that mentions it (Leviticus) - it also says you cannot eat shrimp nor wear cloths of two materials - and is just as harsh about that.
The Bible mentions homosexuality not only in Leviticus but also in Romans, 1 Corinthians, and 1 Timothy. There are also references to intended homosexual gang rape in Genesis and Judges, though I doubt that those are the verses the mother had in mind.
God, you people make me so depress... The most depressing part is you're right.
I just came home from work today (spent 12 hours at work today) and got word. It will take $2k to fix their car. They've decided to sell it to a junk yard for $300.
They just spent $1500 to buy that car just 3 months ago, too. From a distance, it seems to me like being poor means one bad thing after another keeps happening. They don't ever seem to get a break.
They need to "make their own breaks".
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheryjohns
They could have bought a better car had she been working and had that income. Instead, she walks out ofjobs because she doesn't want to work. This severely limits their options.
I agree.
I personally know several young people who have/had full time jobs, plus part-time jobs, plus found extra "gigs" or a second part time job so that they could pay for college, or pay off student loans, or buy a car or pay their bills. They did not "walk out of jobs" and then beg someone else for money.
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