Friend Losses After Family and Job Loss - Draft of "Holiday" Greeting to Erstwhile and Current Friends (narcissists, Christmas)
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Our reunions have been during July 1985, July 1995, September 2005 and now October 2005, for the Class of 1975. It hit 101 the day of the 1995 reunion, which is why we may have moved it. It was pushing 90 the day of the 2005 reunion so that may not have helped much. I don't recall heat being an issue in 1985 but that was locally a very cool summer.
Unfortunately many people don't want to talk about certain subjects. For example my (probably former) friend's father served in WW II. Most honorably, after the war he was tasked with training an army unit. His commanding general ordered him to racially segregate the unit. That was morally despicable and against Truman's then recent order desegregating the Army. My friend's father asked the general to put the order in writing and he backed down.
That story was never told until my friend put it in his father's obituary to spare his father discussion of WW II. Another close acquaintance's family fled Nazi Germany for Australia, leaving on January 1, 1939. When I asked about the family experience he supplied me with one of three manuscripts his family had written, rather than discussing it. I asked for the other two, which he supplied. About 125 pages of spellbinding reading. But he doesn't want to discuss it.
That is a common reaction.
Except your examples are the opposite. I am the person who survived the terrorist attacks. The person who doesn't want to discuss it was sitting pretty 2000 miles away, far from any effects. Yes, I know it affected all of America to some degree, but when I watch the videos on TV, shot from a quarter mile or so away, it looks almost cartoonish in comparison to what it was like to actually be there. It would have been nice if this supposed friend had at least asked me how I was doing in the aftermath, wouldn't it, instead of "oh well, I don't like talking about this bad thing that happened to you because it disturbs my personal peace and tranquility"?
Our reunions have been during July 1995, September 2005 and now October 2005, for the Class of 1975. It hit 101 the day of the 1995 reunion, which is why we may have moved it.
Except your examples are the opposite. I am the person who survived the terrorist attacks. The person who doesn't want to discuss it was sitting pretty 2000 miles away, far from any effects. Yes, I know it affected all of America to some degree, but when I watch the videos on TV, shot from a quarter mile or so away, it looks almost cartoonish in comparison to what it was like to actually be there. It would have been nice if this supposed friend had at least asked me how I was doing in the aftermath, wouldn't it, instead of "oh well, I don't like talking about this bad thing that happened to you because it disturbs my personal peace and tranquility"?
100% agree with you. I'm repping this post.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
Ours were always Thanksgiving weekend.
That would have worked great for maybe the fifth year reunion, which didn't happen. If you tried Thanksgiving weekend you'd have maybe ten people there.
Hot weather was an issue in July 1995 (over 100) and September 2005 (around 90). The problem with heat is that there are typically daytime activities before the final dinner.
Another Class of 1975 person, our reunions have been mainly in the summer, with one or two in early fall. Our hometown is in snow country so having it any other time of year wouldn't be too smart.
Reminded me: My friend put a message on her home phone voicemail. It says, "We're not taking calls at the moment because we are making some changes in our lives right now. If we don't call you back, you're one of the changes."
Speaking of "junior high" our 40th high school reunion is coming up. I have tentatively decided not to attend. Two of those people who I am referencing in this discussion are in attendance. One of them (not the one who most of this thread is about) simply wouldn't talk at all during the 1995 reunion and said hello but wouldn't substantively talk during 2005. He accepted a "Facebook friend" request after it sat there for three months.
I looked at the RSVP list and surprisingly, the subject of the thread is going to attend. I do not want to discuss this matter at the reunion and I don't want to wear a friendly facade either.
Yet a third person, not really of the "friend" variety but more a close acquaintance (who cheated at some poker games in which I was in attendance) is coming. We had a nasty public exchange just before one of our mutual friends poisoned himself to death during 2011. I saw him at the "celebration" of that person's life and could barely keep a recent meal down.
Well, don't worry, if you're not there, everybody will be talking about your idiotic letter and laughing at you, so you'll definitely be remembered.
Based on the consensus of the more thoughtful responses I sent out a less "bitchy" greeting to most, which said: "Hoping that this upcoming New Year is better than the past few, I wish all a Shana Tov'a." That went to most of my friends. My relatives and my wife's friends got this greeting: "I wish all a happy New Year. Shana Tov'a." Ironically only the Rabbi, who got the latter greeting and my next door neighbor, who got the former greeting made any acknowledgment that the last few years have been tough.
They both happen to be exceptionally bright people.
I read this thread for the first time just now. I also read the first post of the thread you linked to in your first post where you describe how rarely you've seen or communicated with your 'friend' for the past 25 years or so.
I am truly baffled how you can view this person as such a close friend when you haven't been an important part of his life for such a long time.
Yes, you were once close friends. However you are grieving for something you lost a long time ago.
Ironically only the Rabbi, who got the latter greeting and my next door neighbor, who got the former greeting made any acknowledgment that the last few years have been tough.
They both happen to be exceptionally bright people.
Because everyone is sick of your whining, more than likely.
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