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Knowing what your body language is saying to other people is important because even if you don't feel a certain way you are giving off that feeling to others by the way you stand, look, gesture. Family knows you as a person so they won't judge you this way. Neither will close friends. Anyone else will make decisions almost instantly about you so ask yourself what impression you want to give and make changes as you want to.
A nice smile will override a lot of things. So many older people do not smile that they look like grumps even when they aren't. I make an effort to have a pleasant expression while grocery shopping and you'd be surprised how many people smile back at me. People give back what you give them for the most part, unless they are actually in a bad mood, feeling ill, etc.
So if you want people to be friendlier then show body language that is more open.
If you are happy with the way people treat you then stay the same.
So every single person that I've talked to with my arms folded thinks I hate them or that I'm completely unfriendly or unapproachable? If someone is talking to me, is engaged, and is smiling/laughing, etc, I don't think to myself, "This person is closed off/hates me/is a jerk because his/her arms are folded." I don't think about it at all. I don't even notice it half the time. But so many of you on this forum think that, it is a serious cause for concern.
I read the posts, but it still pisses me off that due to the way my arms are positioned when I talk due to physical comfort (not emotional comfort, spiritual comfort or anything else), I give off the vibe that I want nothing to do with the person talking to me, even if I am smiling and talking and listening and looking at the person and nodding and standing upright. I know not every single person feels this way, but most probably do, and it is sad to me, the rule that the way you hold your arms when you talk pretty much overrides anything else about your personality.
I read the posts, but it still pisses me off that due to the way my arms are positioned when I talk due to physical comfort (not emotional comfort, spiritual comfort or anything else), I give off the vibe that I want nothing to do with the person talking to me, even if I am smiling and talking and listening and looking at the person and nodding and standing upright. I know not every single person feels this way, but most probably do, and it is sad to me, the rule that the way you hold your arms when you talk pretty much overrides anything else about your personality.
I think you are over thinking it. It doesn't mean people think you hate them or are putting them off or being defensive, it just MAY make you seem uncomfortable or stand-offish or closed off during INITIAL communications and first impressions. This may make it harder for people to get to know you INITIALLY. Like I said in the post about women being friends with attractive women, a lot of people think I am a snob when they first meet me because I am quiet, but ONCE THEY GET TO KNOW ME, they realize that I am not like that at all and am just quiet. Once people get to know you, they realize that you aren't a closed off guy and are nice to talk to, so folding your arms eventually becomes irrelevant .
So every single person that I've talked to with my arms folded thinks I hate them or that I'm completely unfriendly or unapproachable? If someone is talking to me, is engaged, and is smiling/laughing, etc, I don't think to myself, "This person is closed off/hates me/is a jerk because his/her arms are folded." I don't think about it at all. I don't even notice it half the time. But so many of you on this forum think that, it is a serious cause for concern.
"Arms Folded" is NOT about about YOU ..It's a body stance than many have and NOTHING to do with you..However..It is YOU that is making a huge issue about it??? WHY?
Maybe reflect on the conversation or how well you knew these people or just maybe TOPIC of conversation????? Many many alternate ways of viewing it!
Now, if this was a family member or a significant other..humm depending the conversation...I may wonder why too..BUT in a social setting..NOT a particular problem unless you want to make it an issue in your own head..THAT is a problem if you want to JUDGE someone by folding of arm's..maybe they have a sore elbow..or maybe their shoulders are aching or maybe they feel cold from A/c blasting on their back..whatever's..
It 's obvious far too much thinking by such a simple observations and Judgement being made that's going in your own head IMO
These judgments are not going on in my own head. Did you even read my posts? I said multiple times that I never judge someone by the way their arms are when I talk to then or think that they hate me or whatnot. But so many therapists and online forums and even other people seem to think that way, which is what raised my question. For me it is just my stance.
Last edited by xxblue100; 08-12-2015 at 08:01 PM..
I've been known to fold my arms in front of my breasts when I feel men are starting at them. I suppose that is a defensive posture, but I feel defensive when they are inappropriate. And no, I never wear low-cut clothing. I don't, however, suppose that is netman's issue.
I don't see an issue with it in a social setting. But, we were told to avoid doing it in Management classes because it can make you seem unapproachable to those reporting to you at work.
I do it often, for the same reason the OP mentions. It's just more comfortable than having my arms hanging at my sides.
I think some people take great joy and maybe even salivate when repeating things they've heard from 'experts'. I'd guess it's because most of them cannot think for themselves. I've seen no indication from the arm-folding people I know, that they are defensive or negative. Just one guy I know folds his arms a certain way so his non-biceps look like good biceps.
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that's going in your own head IMO 
