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I don't believe you people. I fold my arms when I'm talking to people I like and trust, and some coworkers do the same when they are talking to me, and I know for a fact that they like and trust me.
Funny because I used to stand like that all the time too. There is nothing to do with your arms while talking and as a socially anxious person I was always overly conscious about this stuff. I crossed them because I didn't know what else to do ha ha, but then, like you, I read how it is off-putting and comes off as defensive or closed, so i made the effort to change. Now I usually have one or both on my hips. Also I have had a baby and/or toddler for the past 5.5 years, so holding them keeps my hands occupied .
I fold my arms all the time, as it is a comfortable position for me. That's all it is. However, I hear now that it's bad etiquette to cross your arms when talking to someone. However, why is it so bad to have your arms crossed if you are smiling, laughing, and making eye contact with the other person? It's not like you are mad at them or anything. Nobody has ever said anything to me about it in person, I've just come across it online. So, is it really bad etiquette to have your arms folded when you're talking to someone if you are smiling, talking, and making eye contact with the other person? I just don't get it. I feel bad now for doing it, but I don't know if friends and family members will read that deeply into it. I am sick of the rule that says if you are talking to someone and they have their arms folded that they are pissed off at you or don't want to talk, even if they are smiling, nodding, and engaged in the conversation. I don't get why people read so deeply into the way someone has their arms positioned when they are talking to them and have it not occur to them that it could simply be for comfort.
If we all modified our behavior every time we read something online, we'd all be bopping around crazy people. If I see one more article that starts out by telling me I've been doing XXXX wrong all my life I might scream. Except there's probably an online article that says it's rude, or shortens your life, or ruins your marriage, or makes your children fail in school if you scream at an electronic device.
Relax. If it's not causing you a problem in real life, it's not a problem.
@Pitt Chick, I literally just do it because it's more physically comfortable for me than holding my arms at my sides or putting my hands in my pocket. That's literally the only reason.
Yes...common "wisdom" INDICATES you're closed off...defensive. Except when you're freezing cold...your chair doesn't have armrests...you have an injury...you're a teenaged girl embarrassed about her too small or too large chest (defensive about HERSELF, not you or the conversation, mind you)...etc., etc.
We can all pretend to have secret inside information about what someone is thinking but likely we won't know for sure if we are right (so we're all-knowing in our ignorance) or it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where we treat them negatively because of a supposed negative stance they're in, which then causes them to act negatively and thus proving our point - how convenient!
I don't think anyone would consciously be offended, but I do think you would be giving off a subconscious vibe of being closed off and it would not enable people to feel as comfortable around you. The vast majority of social signals happen unconsciously.
A lot of people that do it don't know or realize what the body language conveys. Just like the direction people's feet are pointed is the direction they really want to go. A good reading on body language is very interesting and even more interesting to observe.
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