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Location: The edge of the world and all of Western civilization
984 posts, read 1,194,265 times
Reputation: 1691
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gfab1
Yeah, dvxhd, people sometimes ask me what's wrong or tell me to smile, which gets on my nerves. I guess I have BRF since this has occurred repeatedly over the years, even though I've never been angry or upset when people have made these comments.
I also find it strange and kind of suspicious when someone smiles all the time for no reason. And yes, it does seem insincere as well. To me, smiles should be meaningful and if someone goes around everywhere all the time with a pasted-on grin it lessens the impact of a genuine happy/friendly smile.
We must be kindred spirits in that regard. I hate when people ask that too. I went out last weekend and was having a wonderful time, even though someone commented that I looked "miserable". I don't even smile when I greet people. I also worked with a girl that always had a massive smile on her face, and she had an uncanny resemblance to the Joker (and I'm not really exaggerating... it was the exact same smile). On top of that, she was one of the least pleasant, most mean-spirited, horrible, malicious, backstabbing people I've ever met. Aside from her, usually those smiles come off as insincere to me (beyond how I was raised) when that dreadful small talk comes up... and sometimes their responses are totally inappropriate to whatever you just said. Like when they ask how I am and I say busy running errands, and I get with a smile "oh, that's good to hear!" It shows me they're not really listening, which when you consider the whole, really adds to the insincerity.
It's not just the French. My dad and grandmother moved here from Austria and they have more or less the same approach to chronic smiling and superficial friendliness as the French. Grandma had expat friends from Austria and Germany, and it was the same with them: they felt it to be insincere. While part of me thought it was generational, when I lived in Germany several years ago I noticed it's just cultural. When I lived in Asia, they said someone smiling for no reason looks insane and suspicious.
Because I had that Austrian influence all my life, I don't smile unless there's a reason to (pretty much only if I find something funny), and my brother is more or less the same. It makes me come off as cold, aloof, unfriendly, unhappy or whatever people want to think. So, I have the opposite problem of the OP, and people comment that I look unapproachable, defensive, sad, would look nicer if I smiled, etc. I usually respond with an eye roll and go about my business.
To balance out this set of opinions, many Americans think that Austrians, Germans, and even the French are unfriendly and unnecessarily dour. So yes, it's a cultural thing, not a character thing. Big difference.
The mistake that so many Europeans make is that they judge American friendliness as "insincere." They think of it as "fake" just as many Americans from outside of the South think southern friendliness is "fake and insincere." It's not a matter of being fake - it's simply a cultural difference. It's no more "fake" than the Japanese habit of bowing - do you really think that a Japanese businessman who is bowing at you is "pretending to worship you?"
Do you really think that a solemn faced German is just "pretending to be unfriendly?"
Cultural differences - that's all it is. We should be glad that people aren't the same everywhere. Think how boring that would be.
To be honest, I always think people who smile constantly must not be very smart, or something. I don't know. That probably sounds worse than I mean it to. I'm not trying to offend anyone, but seriously, what are you smiling about? A face's normal resting position isn't in a smile.
Guess you never heard the expression "laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone".
I don't do big toothy grins ,that would be scary .
My normal is a very mild comfortable grin ,but it's not force it's natural even sitting here at the computer .
I find as I age my emotions are a bit more free to respond then they were in my younger more macho years ,but I have always smiled with people even to the grumpy .
If some one returns the smile mine will widen ,but I've learned to govern even that, because there are those afraid the it might escalate into something more than they are interested in.
The last thing I want to do is make some one uncomfortable, unless it is necessary.
To some of you whom are forcing a smile ,most people can tell , plastic smiles are very questionable .
If something is bothering you while at work ,not related to work ,your not paying attention to your work .
Leave home at home ,and work at work .
For your own good.
I'm one of those people who smile all the time no matter what mood they're in. I've always been like this.
However, one thing always frustrate me is when people repeatedly ask me: "Why are you smiling?"
Why is it so shocking that someone has a constant smile on their face? Do we always have to have a specific reason to smile?
I always get a bit "taken aback" when people ask me such question because to me, it's normal to appear cheerful.
What's your take on this matter?
I would ignore them, as it's very sad when a human being asks such a really unintelligent question, b/c they haven't got the slightest bit of awareness, that just b/c someone does something different then they do, doesn't make that person wrong or odd...for doing so.
I cannot believe how positively nuts some people are. I mean it, really lose my patience with people like this.
To be honest, I always think people who smile constantly must not be very smart, or something. I don't know. That probably sounds worse than I mean it to. I'm not trying to offend anyone, but seriously, what are you smiling about? A face's normal resting position isn't in a smile.
you have got to be kidding, right?
OP, smile your heart out, don't listen to these silly people.
My God....to actually label a person b/c they smile?
maybe your faces normal resting position isn't a smile, but that isn't true for everyone...
I'm sorry, I just cannot believe all the negative responses to the OP....
OP, smile your heart out, don't listen to these silly people.
My God....to actually label a person b/c they smile?
maybe your faces normal resting position isn't a smile, but that isn't true for everyone...
I'm sorry, I just cannot believe all the negative responses to the OP....
Thank you very much cremebrulee.
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