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My mother-in-law is involved in a relationship with someone that is mentally and emotionally abusive. My husband and I have been a listening ear to her, but we have noticed she complains with the same problems, and we assumed that this last time they had a major argument she was finally done with him. She said that was it, and she deserves better. But recently she has announced they are trying again.
My mother-in-law is in her mid-50's and looks marvelous, but her boyfriend puts her down about her weight (she is not anywhere near being overweight 5'7 125 lbs), how old she looks, how gray her hair is, how she doesn't do enough for him, and to quit her job and wait on him hand and foot and etc. To me the things that he picks on her about are so petty and shallow.
I know it is her life and her decision, but myself personally, I do not care to listen to her complaints if she chooses to stay with someone that treats her this way. I am always wanting to be a listening ear to people, but it has come to the point where we are her emotional dumping grounds over and over, while she runs back to a man that treats her like a doormat. I feel as though I lost a bit of respect for her.
Would you feel the same way?
btw, mother-in-law and boyfriend are both in the 50's.
My ex's mother was the same way. Her husband treats women as inferior things, disrespects her at every turn, calling her names, telling her what to do, where to go and when. He makes fun of her weight in front of the family members and expects her to do everything in the house. They would fight and she would drag me to the side to cry and complain about how she wants to leave him and be happy. And yet, she never does. They were in their mid 40's.
I realized no matter how I feel about her situation, and she knows she deserves better, she will not leave the relationship. I don't waste my breath trying to persuade her to go. I just sat there, nodded and listened.
Sometimes, that's all they want from you.
You cannot help her. Confronting the boyfriend won't help as she will reinforce his behaviour. If she is staying, you cannot help her. All you can do is be there in case she finally accept that he wasn't going to be a better person and she can be with one.
Your mom quit her job to wait on him hand & foot?? He also sounds like a control freak. Give her an ultimatum, it's either you or her loser bf.
No, he wants her to quit her job. She is nearing retirement, so she is contemplating retiring early. She makes great money, owns her her house and I personally do not see the point of retiring just to baby him.
No, he wants her to quit her job. She is nearing retirement, so she is contemplating retiring early. She makes great money, owns her her house and I personally do not see the point of retiring just to baby him.
My ex's mother was the same way. Her husband treats women as inferior things, disrespects her at every turn, calling her names, telling her what to do, where to go and when. He makes fun of her weight in front of the family members and expects her to do everything in the house. They would fight and she would drag me to the side to cry and complain about how she wants to leave him and be happy. And yet, she never does. They were in their mid 40's.
I realized no matter how I feel about her situation, and she knows she deserves better, she will not leave the relationship. I don't waste my breath trying to persuade her to go. I just sat there, nodded and listened.
Sometimes, that's all they want from you.
You cannot help her. Confronting the boyfriend won't help as she will reinforce his behaviour. If she is staying, you cannot help her. All you can do is be there in case she finally accept that he wasn't going to be a better person and she can be with one.
We have no plans on confronting him, but deeply disappointed she is staying with this person. It is to the point she is unpleasant to visit because she wants to talk about him and their problems. I will just sit there and nod my head then. I have no other input to give her.
My mother-in-law is involved in a relationship with someone that is mentally and emotionally abusive. My husband and I have been a listening ear to her, but we have noticed she complains with the same problems, and we assumed that this last time they had a major argument she was finally done with him. She said that was it, and she deserves better. But recently she has announced they are trying again.
My mother-in-law is in her mid-50's and looks marvelous, but her boyfriend puts her down about her weight (she is not anywhere near being overweight 5'7 125 lbs), how old she looks, how gray her hair is, how she doesn't do enough for him, and to quit her job and wait on him hand and foot and etc. To me the things that he picks on her about are so petty and shallow.
I know it is her life and her decision, but myself personally, I do not care to listen to her complaints if she chooses to stay with someone that treats her this way. I am always wanting to be a listening ear to people, but it has come to the point where we are her emotional dumping grounds over and over, while she runs back to a man that treats her like a doormat. I feel as though I lost a bit of respect for her.
Would you feel the same way?
btw, mother-in-law and boyfriend are both in the 50's.
Look like she has a lot going for herself financially wise, far as the BF, instead of pointing out what he doesn't like, probably should start focusing on what he likes before she wake up and have a change of heart.
Try not to enable dysfunctional relationships. Your mother in law and her boyfriend are locked in a toxic dance of their own choosing. You can't help her.
She and he are like heat seeking missles. People like this find each other. Their mental dysfunction feeds on the crazy relationship. There is nothing you can do about it.
At the same time you don't have to listen or be involved in it. When she starts up about her problems, change the subject. If that doesn't help, just excuse yourselves and leave.
As long as he is BF and she is working things are what they are. Can you play roulette and have potential competition at get togethers? What does he bring to the table that has her hooked?
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