Advice moving away - worried (person, member, holiday, senior)

[Sickandtiredofthis]

Tomorrow early I am going to England for university. I'm scared now, it crept up on me and I wasn't ready for it. I don't care about moving, I'm just so worried about being alone and isolated.

My family are coming for a while but then going so i'll be ok at first. I really don't want to be alone and by myself, I am not used to it.

Please give some advice for my first time!

[cindersslipper]

You'll be fine as long as you don't make a big deal about it.

Its part of growing up, quite exciting too.

[Kobber]

1. You will only be alone or by yourself, if you choose to be. There will be hundreds of new students there, many of whom will feel similarly to yourself. I presume there will be some orientation activities for new students, so join in.

2. There will also be plenty of clubs or groups, so join one you're interested in. If you can't find one that excites you, join one anyway. Stay with it a while... if it's not for you, find another one. Don't limit yourself - expand your horizons.

3. This relates to your persona here on C-D... Don't be an ass. If someone is telling you about a hostelling holiday they just had, don't tell them you couldn't possibly 'slum it' like that. If someone starts talking about football, by all means mention you don't have an interest in it, but don't put them down and don't write them off - you may well have something else in common with them. Join in with people going to the union bar - no one will force you to drink alcohol - just join in the fun. (These comments of mine stem from comments you have made here on C-D in the last few days.)

4. It may take a few weeks, but if you keep the above in mind, you'll find a friend or two and that's all you need.

Keep an open mind, a smile on your face, and a positive attitude.

Good luck.

[Cida]

How incredibly exciting! I only wish you'd bothered to tell us how old you are and where you're moving from.

Sure, you'll sometimes be lonely and by yourself. If you're not used to it - it's time to get used to it. Because it's something you have to learn to deal with in life. You have an incredibly great opportunity to make yourself over in any way you like. If you were shy before, you can suddenly create an outgoing character. If you were a mousy dresser before, you can experiment with being flamboyant. But as I'm looking as your "Sick and tired" handle, I think you need a new mindset.

Here's my advice:

1. Start a diary. No matter how it turns out, you will be so grateful to have done this in years to come.

2. Start a list of what you hope for in school and how you might go about it. Include ideas of how you will reach out to new people.

3. Use your new-ness as a vehicle for conversation: "I'm totally confused about how the dining here works - are they strict about their hours?" or "I'm feeling a little lost being new here - are their senior student advisors, or someone to explain about how class registration works?" or "Are you feeling as disoriented as I am? Where are you from?"

4. Start a list of what you might like to do in England - day trips, weekend trips, outings to the theater, whatever. As you make friends, see if you can find someone who might like to go with you.

5. Do NOT text or email your parents every day. And explain to them that you're busy, and you don't want them constantly reaching out to you. Limit it to every week or two.

And, really, re-think your attitude. Yes, it's a little scary, but it sounds like the opportunity of a lifetime, something that a lot of people would kill for.

[Sickandtiredofthis]

Thank you both. I've just arrived and i'm very tired. So far i'm feeling alright but i'll have to wait until the first week or two is over to I see what i'm like. I am hoping that I don't get too homesick.

I really like the idea of the diary, I think I might do that. If I can get two or so friends to hang out with i'll be fine, i'm not one to have 20 friends, all I want is someone to hang out with in the day so i'm not alone. I'll be great at night - I mean it's normal to be alone at night even at home.

I won't stress myself out, I think it's unrealistic to have friends on a week.

I'll have to see what clubs there are, today we're just walking about. I need a nap though!!

[tottsieanna]

You have received a lot of good advice here. Just know that homesickness is normal at first but it gets better. My daughter and son both went to college out of their home state and had wonderful experiences and made close friends who are still their friends today. My daughter was homesick at first but we encouraged her to finish her first year and by then she was very happy where she was at and no longer wanted to go to school closer to home.

Focus on your future and studies and make some new friends. Part of growing up is letting go and moving forward. This is a new chapter to your life.

[Sarahsez]

You're on an adventure and you need to look at it like that. Don't stay in your room. Go out and see what there is. Go walk around town, campus, buildings... If you see something interesting. Stop. Say 'Hello'. Ask a question. Make a nice comment. Talk to people. You don't have to strike up a conversation with everyone. Get out and be seen. Find out what local activities there are to do. What's on campus? What's the nightlife? Try to do something different, meet someone, or accomplish one thing every day. Enjoy yourself. I don't think you will be lonely for long.

[germaine2626]

There has been some great advice already given.

I also feel that joining clubs, even joining "pick up" sports activities is a great way to meet new people. Ten years ago, as college freshman, our daughter started to play Capture the Flag on Friday evenings with a group of strangers on the campus quad (large grassy, open area). While the people came and went over the years, she is still very good friends with some of them.

She also had an area/hobby/subject that she was very interesting in but they did not have a club for it, so she started a club herself. Although, it ended up being pretty small, a core group of a dozen people, with a few dozen occasional members, it was great fun and a valuable learning experience for her.

[Gfab1]

Good luck to you! I think you'll be fine if you have a positive attitude and realistic expectations. You may not meet people right off the bat who you feel like becoming BFFs with, but you'll probably at least make some interesting acquaintances. It is even possible you'll meet a few people you really hit it off with, just don't be distressed if it takes a little time while you'll be meeting so many new people.

I'm actually very happy for you, from your threads here on C-D it seems like a change in your life could be just what you need. This is a fresh beginning for you, and I think it will really help you grow as a person. Please keep us up-to-date on how uni is going for you. Best wishes, buddy!

[Sickandtiredofthis]

I've noticed alot of people already seem to know each other. Either they have arrived before me or else a high incidence of people share rooms with friends.