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I have a sister (Married) whose out of work. Her husband does work and half of the pay is for house payment, the rest goes for food, electric and bills (Cable, insurance and such) They HAVE borrowed and paid back loans, but I suspect they're hanging by a thread.
I will be bill free middle/late March and was thinking of helping them out to $200 a month.
I wouldn't hurt giving them this amount. I make $1400 a month, but live so cheap that my bills (Come March) will be south of $500 a month.
I am thinking a bit long term, about 6-12 months of free money. No strings attached. But then when it cuts off??
On the other hand, should I just go and pay electric one month, cable the other and do it like that?
Don't start paying for things for them unless you always want to do it. There's no way to stop gracefully. Even giving them a lump sum toward bills will encourage them to expect money in the future, whenever they need it.
You're a really nice person to be wanting to do that for them, though.
They can get rid of cable if they can't afford it. That's what most of us do when we're in that situation. You can get all kinds of channels with an antenna these days.
One thing, if they're getting public assistance and you start giving them money, by law they have to report it and then their food stamps will be decreased by that amount. Then, if you get to a point where you can't afford to do it, it will be hard for them to prove they're not getting money from you anymore so they can get more food stamps.
Maybe you could just save up the money for a while, then offer to help with specific bills as the specific need arises? And make it sound like you worked some extra hours so you had a little extra cash, that kind of thing, so they don't know that you usually have a bit more than you need.
Make sure you are paying them for something that has a completion date. School certificates o be a phlebotomist for your sister would be good.
This is a good idea.
Not pressuring your sister to go to school for something she may not like, but put the money towards something more substantial for the future. Put it into bonds for her, then give them to her when she has a kid (depending on her age?). Buy her a car to look for work (if she needs one). Invest in a career certicate if you know she wants to go that route. Whatever. Just don't give cash every month. Your intention is good, but when you stop it can make her think you're abandoning her. Don't start it and you won't have to stop it.
Do not pay her bills or give them cash flat out. Find another way to assist.
1. Have they asked for money? If not, they may feel insulted if you assume they need it.
2. Will you want to dictate how they use the money? A friend of mine gave his sister a credit card when she couldn't pay her rent. She paid her rent and then used it to go on vacation. He was not happy about that, but you can't lend people money and expect them to be smart with it.
3. Other reasons mentioned in this thread.
Maturity, real hardcore multi-decade-long life experience type maturity is actually enriched by having to find a way or make a way through financial hardship.
Temporary unemployment is not an "unexpected emergency".
It is not unexpected because in modern employment conditions, pretty much anybody can expect to get laid off or hours reduced at any time.
It is not an emergency, for heavens sake. Both arms and legs are still attached, and there is no sucking chest wound involved.
My goodness, OP, they still have cable television!
Merciful heavens, I do hope some correspondents here are not soon faced with an actual emergency, such as a tornado or some nutjob blowing things up!
What your family member is facing is an adjustment, a challenge, and a learning experience.
When she figures out how to live without cable, then she will be making the first step towards maturing through a life experience that is actually valuable rather than damaging.
If, on the other hand, she and her family had been making consistently good decisions, and had suffered some sort of real, dire, and totally unpredictable disaster such as a forest fire, then I would advocate helping them by paying some lump sum designated expenses such as meeting homeowners or medical insurance deductible.
As it stands, she has not yet begun to adjust away from luxuries like cable. If you subsidize her now, she will not be motivated to learn and adapt to get herself out of where she is.
Spend time with her. Talk about new opportunities and adaptability. But don't get in the way of her living and learning her own way through this
If you feel like actually doing something other than subsidizing their unrealistic status quo, you could consider outright footing the bill for your sister to get some sort of accreditation in something that interests her through a votech, community college or state college extension campus.
You and she could research options, you would cash outlay the class hours, books, and lab fees as a gift.
Pro arguments:
One time outlay
Its an outright gift
It's practical
It fits the idea of 'teaching someone to fish' rather than feeding him
Con arguments:
She might lolligag and not succeed
Potential conflict with brother in law who might consider it meddling
She might come to look at you as somebody who gives out free money
Other relatives might expect you to do the same for them
Paying her tuition to a short term technical school accreditation is not only the best, but the only way I could see you actually improving her whole overall life by opening up your checkbook now.
Jeeze ... everyone is making out the OP's sister and BIL to be a couple of lazy mooching slackers, with nothing from her post to indicate such. We don't know WHY the sister is out of work or how long she's been out of work.
OP, I commend you for being loving and supportive. As long as you do what's necessary to prevent them from becoming dependent upon your generosity, I think it's a good thing you're doing.
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