Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
2,492 posts, read 3,034,507 times
Reputation: 3911
Advertisements
Just wanted to make this clear to the OP. Southern hospitality has zero to do with actually genuinely liking a person. It's a code of conduct. Nothing more,? nothing less. Saying that southerners are nice to your face but maybe not nice people behind your back doesn't change its definition. It's the being nice up front at all,for no reason other then it's the polite and respectful way you approach anyone ,especially strangers. You can be civil and friendly in demeanor without really liking a person. It may be a show to you but it beats workers being rude because they don't like or care about you anyhow. They aren't "keeping it real" they just have bad manners and horrible customer service.
That's why I say for a manager in not only the South but the deep deep antebellum South to be publicly stern with you is rare unless warranted. Is it possible that you are exaggerating the rudeness. That Dollar Store employee on the news who screamed to the women and kids to get out of her store,justifiably too. That's an example of rude customer service. Not so sure about this incident.
Once, I ordered a dark chocolate flavored smoothie with a vegetable instead of a fruit. It wasn't that good; it tasted like coffee. I asked if that one could be remade or if I could choose another flavor. I was told that I could. I asked the manager if I owed anything for the remake, she told me no.
I ordered a peanut butter smoothie with too much peanut butter. I requested that they remake it with the almond milk but leave the peanut butter out.
I ordered a raspberry smoothie that had a cherry cough syrup aftertaste. I did not like it and thought that after the first two remakes I was well in my right to request that one be remade, too, but three strikes and you're out?
You order a steak dinner and ask for no steak it will not taste like steak.
The first few times THEY offered to remake it. I didn't have to ask them anything. I did eventually get to where I started asking them, but why did they offer the first few times if it wasn't part of their policy? I certainly didn't want to be the one being berated for requesting that someone do something they aren't supposed to do. It would have been a lot better to not offer to remake things than to make me think that requesting it was okay if I didn't like the taste.
I've contemplated submitting a formal written complaint on that particular franchise, but I think maybe that's overreacting. Perhaps the manager is going through stress that I know nothing about. The point is, though, I wasn't trying to be a bad customer and don't think I deserved to be treated like that.
Don't be ridiculous. It sounds from your first few posts as if you were offered a courtesy and then began to take advantage of it. She was totally in the right to correct you in her place of business.
Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
2,492 posts, read 3,034,507 times
Reputation: 3911
Quote:
Originally Posted by IonRedline08
Why is that?
If people generally don't like you, it may not be them.....
That's what I don't quite get. Having a disability such as autism doesn't give you an excuse. Your obviously high functioning if you are employed at a university and are capable of putting this much thought into something,plus creating and following a thread about it. Seems like if you could channel that energy into your interactions with others this might improve. Maybe I'm showing my ignorance here, but if you know the problem, it's your responsibility to fix it or at least try to minimize potential fall out.
If you don't understand non verbal cues, watch some tv,sound off. You could even probably find videos on YouTube showing people acting to display was certain emotion. People are similar, showing grief is almost universal. It's your responsibility to study and learn social cues if you don't possess the skills germainley.
Quit worrying about who might need to apologize to whom. As a business owner I'd call it an even exchange at this point. You wasted product, time and their money by flavor experimenting on their dime. They may have been rude (or not) by calling you on it.
Time to learn a few things and this you can take to the bank:
1) As a patron of an eatery business you have a responsibility to be sure that you like what you order. If you don't know if you like something then pass on that item or plan on eating or drinking it without complaint if you do order it.
2) A patron has no right to flavor experiment on an eateries dime. If you feel moved to experiment with flavors, do it at home. Now if that eatery obviously does not prepare the item correctly (for example a hamburger is bloody, a salad is wilted) the patron has a right to bring this to the attention of the server or manager but a tie goes to the house and by that I mean if you ordered food and it's not quite as warm or cold as you prefer, or if it's just not quite to your taste but not "bad" the house has no obligation to replace it but they will normally do so once, maybe twice and then you are on their difficult to please P.I.T.A. list. For example: We recently went to a new local barbecue place. I was not fond of their sauce but the meat was good so I scraped the sauce off. I probably won't go back because a BBQ sauce is a foundational item. You live and learn. If you are disappointed in your flavor combination especially one of your own construct, you "eat" it and learn.
3) Every time you interact with someone you have to ask yourself if you would like to encounter the behavior that you are displaying toward them. In other words put yourself in their shoes. That goes for people in service positions. In the case of a business you have to ask, "Am I trying to get more than I or my spending patterns are reasonably entitled to?" Everyone likes freebies but freebies aren't usually free and that's a fact. Continuing to leverage or cash in on freebies will cost you goodwill and eventually a place to shop as you have encountered.
You could probably go back to that shop, though I probably wouldn't because they've got you pegged and its an uphill battle now. Chances are though, the manager wasn't as "rude" as you believe that she was. When I had to kindly ask the woman to not revisit my shop I tried to deliver that bad news as nicely as I could starting with an apology and then pointing out that I could no longer afford the amount of breakage (including a glass shelf) that I was experiencing on each visit after repeatedly asking her to be more careful with fragile items. Before I could finished she huffed out and trashed me to the Chamber of Commerce. How do you deliver bad news without causing emotions to rise making it seem worse than it is?
The manager simply put a stop to the freebies and the experimenting. She embarrassed you. You are deflecting any responsibility for creating the incident even here with us, neutral parties. You need to own your part in this to move on. Change your behavior. If you revisit this shop, never and I do mean never return a smoothie nor should you ever complain, make faces, huff, heave dramatic sighs, or stalk out of their premises. If you must throw something away, do it at home or at work. If the smoothie shop or any other place of business continue to fail to meet your expectations you as a consumer are entitled and IMO are required to not patronize that business rather than try to make it meet your standards exhibiting behavior to get your way that ranges from nuisance to harassment.
As everyone else has said you are making a mountain out of a molehill. You were wrong. You did not understand how but you were. They may have been wrong. If so you are even. Go from this day and be more careful in your interactions with both people and businesses. Good luck.
Quit worrying about who might need to apologize to whom. As a business owner I'd call it an even exchange at this point. You wasted product, time and their money by flavor experimenting on their dime. They may have been rude (or not) by calling you on it.
Time to learn a few things and this you can take to the bank:
1) As a patron of an eatery business you have a responsibility to be sure that you like what you order. If you don't know if you like something then pass on that item or plan on eating or drinking it without complaint if you do order it.
2) A patron has no right to flavor experiment on an eateries dime. If you feel moved to experiment with flavors, do it at home. Now if that eatery obviously does not prepare the item correctly (for example a hamburger is bloody, a salad is wilted) the patron has a right to bring this to the attention of the server or manager but a tie goes to the house and by that I mean if you ordered food and it's not quite as warm or cold as you prefer, or if it's just not quite to your taste but not "bad" the house has no obligation to replace it but they will normally do so once, maybe twice and then you are on their difficult to please P.I.T.A. list. For example: We recently went to a new local barbecue place. I was not fond of their sauce but the meat was good so I scraped the sauce off. I probably won't go back because a BBQ sauce is a foundational item. You live and learn. If you are disappointed in your flavor combination especially one of your own construct, you "eat" it and learn.
3) Every time you interact with someone you have to ask yourself if you would like to encounter the behavior that you are displaying toward them. In other words put yourself in their shoes. That goes for people in service positions. In the case of a business you have to ask, "Am I trying to get more than I or my spending patterns are reasonably entitled to?" Everyone likes freebies but freebies aren't usually free and that's a fact. Continuing to leverage or cash in on freebies will cost you goodwill and eventually a place to shop as you have encountered.
You could probably go back to that shop, though I probably wouldn't because they've got you pegged and its an uphill battle now. Chances are though, the manager wasn't as "rude" as you believe that she was. When I had to kindly ask the woman to not revisit my shop I tried to deliver that bad news as nicely as I could starting with an apology and then pointing out that I could no longer afford the amount of breakage (including a glass shelf) that I was experiencing on each visit after repeatedly asking her to be more careful with fragile items. Before I could finished she huffed out and trashed me to the Chamber of Commerce. How do you deliver bad news without causing emotions to rise making it seem worse than it is?
The manager simply put a stop to the freebies and the experimenting. She embarrassed you. You are deflecting any responsibility for creating the incident even here with us, neutral parties. You need to own your part in this to move on. Change your behavior. If you revisit this shop, never and I do mean never return a smoothie nor should you ever complain, make faces, huff, heave dramatic sighs, or stalk out of their premises. If you must throw something away, do it at home or at work. If the smoothie shop or any other place of business continue to fail to meet your expectations you as a consumer are entitled and IMO are required to not patronize that business rather than try to make it meet your standards exhibiting behavior to get your way that ranges from nuisance to harassment.
As everyone else has said you are making a mountain out of a molehill. You were wrong. You did not understand how but you were. They may have been wrong. If so you are even. Go from this day and be more careful in your interactions with both people and businesses. Good luck.
Well thought out post. OP please read this and learn from this experience.
KMB I guarantee that expereinced educators are well aware you are on the spectrumm as well as OCD. To much of your behavior makes it obvious you are different in a way that strongly suggests a social disorder. I actually think it's worse to ust let people think you are odd and difficult for no reason than for them to know you have a legitimate reason to lack normal adult social skills.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kmb501
I try to keep my problem well hidden, even at the expense of seeming "rude" or "odd." It may be true that those who have experience with autism may know, but I feel like there are people out there who have no experience with it who don't know and would not even try to understand; they would just read it as an excuse and maybe a way to get me fired. I have shared my diagnosis with the special education teacher where I work, but that's probably enough.
Your problem may not be as well hidden as you think. I think that the people around you are aware that you have some sort of problem in relating to people. As you missed the social cues in the smoothie shop encounter, you probably miss cues in your daily interactions with people leading you to conclude that they don't like you or treat you unkindly. Are there no autism support groups in your area to help you learn to deal with interacting with people?
Your problem may not be as well hidden as you think. I think that the people around you are aware that you have some sort of problem in relating to people. As you missed the social cues in the smoothie shop encounter, you probably miss cues in your daily interactions with people leading you to conclude that they don't like you or treat you unkindly. Are there no autism support groups in your area to help you learn to deal with interacting with people?
I agree with this. OP has had problems for a long time because of this disability. People will be much more receptive if they see it as a disability and not as general rudeness or weirdness.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
