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Just a side note to those who are following. Many of you make it all sound very easy for kmb to "just let go and move on". Her brain doesn't allow for that to happen so easily. Yes, she would benefit from therapy and being involved in a support group. BUT, she's been able to function successfully to some degree. Having herself publicly labeled DOES effect the way she is treated. Sometimes it is helpful, other times not so much. My daughter is 14 and unless someone amazing comes into her life who's more capable than myself, I'll be surprised if she's able to hold down a job without being fired for being inappropriate. She's lost friends because she opened a birthday gift and showed no emotion, just stating matter of factly, "Oh". Not that she was disappointed, she was indifferent. A few months ago she proclaimed that she likes people who have cancer. Like, literally... She said, "I like people who have cancer." She OBSESSES over people who have cancer. She didn't understand why performing a sexual act on a ferris wheel in front of God and everyone was a bad thing. People with aspergers do not process social cues. Yes...with practice SOME can be taught. But beating a dead horse is not going to help this person.
Kmb...you KNOW you have this problem. The help you need is not on this website. You know this. Ultimately, if you want to have friends, positive social interactions and want to learn to manage your disorder as well as possible, it's up to YOU to get help. If you don't help yourself, others will eventually give up and drift away from you. We can't give you a magical answer. You have to seek help and practice what you learn, whether you understand it or not. Best of luck to you.
Part of the problem is labeling..... If you label yourself or allow someone else to, you begin to live up to that label. I saw an episode of Dr. Phil recently where he talked with a woman who on certain days was a germophobe and couldn't even enter her home, and then showed pictures the next of her walking through the house with spilled milk on the counter, dirty dishes in the sink, etc... When he asked her why she could do it that day and not others she said it didn't bother her on some days. As they talked further, she began to explain that she was at her worst on the days that someone reminded her that she is a germophobe or when she thought about it. On the days that she was occupied with something else, she didn't give it a second thought and functioned normally.
I as well as most of us have some sort of issue that could interfere with our ability to socialize with others and to exist in society with the rest of the "normal" people. Here's the kicker... NO ONE is normal. Everyone's issues are different. What differentiates some of us from the rest is the willingness to acknowledge an issue, ignore the label, and work towards changing for the better to maintain both our mental and physical health. The rest choose (yes, it is a choice to a degree) to remain in their current state and expect the world to change around them.
Recognize the problem. Acknowledge the problem. Get help for the problem. Follow the path directed to get away from the problem. I realize many problems don't go away overnight (I still suffer from my own issues daily) but the willingness not to let that interfere with life, and the willingness not to be bound to a label will help you get through the tougher days.
Instead of constantly dwelling on the negatives in your life focus on the positives. Start with a small goal. Achieve it, and set another. Get to the point that you're focusing on what's ahead instead of only looking at the obstacle you just got past. If you choose to constantly live in the past, or constantly dwell on the negatives your entire life is going to pass by with nothing to show for it.
You have to make a conscious effort to change it. And you have to make the decision that one failure or setback doesn't define you as a person. All of the things you achieve despite those failures and setbacks define you.
Just a side note to those who are following. Many of you make it all sound very easy for kmb to "just let go and move on". Her brain doesn't allow for that to happen so easily. Yes, she would benefit from therapy and being involved in a support group. BUT, she's been able to function successfully to some degree. Having herself publicly labeled DOES effect the way she is treated. Sometimes it is helpful, other times not so much. My daughter is 14 and unless someone amazing comes into her life who's more capable than myself, I'll be surprised if she's able to hold down a job without being fired for being inappropriate. She's lost friends because she opened a birthday gift and showed no emotion, just stating matter of factly, "Oh". Not that she was disappointed, she was indifferent. A few months ago she proclaimed that she likes people who have cancer. Like, literally... She said, "I like people who have cancer." She OBSESSES over people who have cancer. She didn't understand why performing a sexual act on a ferris wheel in front of God and everyone was a bad thing. People with aspergers do not process social cues. Yes...with practice SOME can be taught. But beating a dead horse is not going to help this person.
Kmb...you KNOW you have this problem. The help you need is not on this website. You know this. Ultimately, if you want to have friends, positive social interactions and want to learn to manage your disorder as well as possible, it's up to YOU to get help. If you don't help yourself, others will eventually give up and drift away from you. We can't give you a magical answer. You have to seek help and practice what you learn, whether you understand it or not. Best of luck to you.
I don't think any of us think it's easy for her. But OP has been given entire pages with links to support groups in her area and all kinds of other resources that she does not follow up on, saying she doesn't think the Asperger's is really that big a deal, when it is obviously affecting her entire life. No, I would not tell everyone, however again in the setting she works in, which is a school for troubled kids, I would be extremely surprised if those experienced educators she is working with don't see it in her as easily as they see their hand in front of their face. I worked in public schools for only 5 years, and I know if I met KMB and didn't know her, I would come away thinking "she's on the spectrum", so I do not think it is the well-kept secret KMB believes it is.
1) Do I owe her an apology? They were nice to me at first, and maybe the store manager was just having a bad day? I feel strangely guilty, but maybe it's just because someone "yelled" at me.
2) Does she owe me an apology? If that's the case, I have a right to be just a little angry, I think.
3) Are we even? If that's the case, I can stop worrying about it, right?
You don't owe her an apology, but perhaps it would help you to move on to do so?
She may or may not owe you an apology, and I would not expect one from her, but if you were to apologize for your behavior she might also apologize for hers. People sometimes react harshly when others have exasperated or frustrated them and she may not feel great about how she dealt with you either.
Would it make you feel better to go in and tell her you're sorry that you didn't understand that remakes should only be for their mistakes and not because you didn't like the flavors you asked for? Ask her if you can start fresh and promise to not repeat your previous behavior now that you realize that it was a problem?
Mind, I am not saying that you should or should not do this, but that if it would make YOU feel better and help you to move past this it is an option to consider.
You don't owe her an apology, but perhaps it would help you to move on to do so?
She may or may not owe you an apology, and I would not expect one from her, but if you were to apologize for your behavior she might also apologize for hers. People sometimes react harshly when others have exasperated or frustrated them and she may not feel great about how she dealt with you either.
Would it make you feel better to go in and tell her you're sorry that you didn't understand that remakes should only be for their mistakes and not because you didn't like the flavors you asked for? Ask her if you can start fresh and promise to not repeat your previous behavior now that you realize that it was a problem?
Mind, I am not saying that you should or should not do this, but that if it would make YOU feel better and help you to move past this it is an option to consider.
I don't know. My daughter is in 8th grade. She's been treated horribly by many teachers as well as an assistant principal. Her 8th grade principal has been the first one to recognize and understand that she's not purposely being weird or different. Unfortunately not all teachers are well educated, nor do they all care. To me, it's obvious...to others, they tend to think my daughter is overly goofy or seeking attention.
I guess it boils down to this...50 people saying move on won't help. Ultimately, the OP wants to understand, wants to be accepted and wants to be able to figure out how to live a balanced life. But no amount of want will work without effort.
I'm new here so I don't know what others have offered as far as links and such. What I do know is that if she wants her life to improve it's up to her to take the steps to improve it. ;-)
I don't know. My daughter is in 8th grade. She's been treated horribly by many teachers as well as an assistant principal. Her 8th grade principal has been the first one to recognize and understand that she's not purposely being weird or different. Unfortunately not all teachers are well educated, nor do they all care. To me, it's obvious...to others, they tend to think my daughter is overly goofy or seeking attention.
I guess it boils down to this...50 people saying move on won't help. Ultimately, the OP wants to understand, wants to be accepted and wants to be able to figure out how to live a balanced life. But no amount of want will work without effort.
I'm new here so I don't know what others have offered as far as links and such. What I do know is that if she wants her life to improve it's up to her to take the steps to improve it. ;-)
I think this is the point that most everyone has been trying to make to the OP for some time now. It will make you wonder if the OP really wants her situation to improve or is rather looking for justification for her actions. I hope it's not the case, but one begins to wonder after countless pages of people trying to offer up advice on what needs to be done.
Just a side note to those who are following. Many of you make it all sound very easy for kmb to "just let go and move on". Her brain doesn't allow for that to happen so easily. Yes, she would benefit from therapy and being involved in a support group. BUT, she's been able to function successfully to some degree. Having herself publicly labeled DOES effect the way she is treated. Sometimes it is helpful, other times not so much. My daughter is 14 and unless someone amazing comes into her life who's more capable than myself, I'll be surprised if she's able to hold down a job without being fired for being inappropriate. She's lost friends because she opened a birthday gift and showed no emotion, just stating matter of factly, "Oh". Not that she was disappointed, she was indifferent. A few months ago she proclaimed that she likes people who have cancer. Like, literally... She said, "I like people who have cancer." She OBSESSES over people who have cancer. She didn't understand why performing a sexual act on a ferris wheel in front of God and everyone was a bad thing. People with aspergers do not process social cues. Yes...with practice SOME can be taught. But beating a dead horse is not going to help this person.
Kmb...you KNOW you have this problem. The help you need is not on this website. You know this. Ultimately, if you want to have friends, positive social interactions and want to learn to manage your disorder as well as possible, it's up to YOU to get help. If you don't help yourself, others will eventually give up and drift away from you. We can't give you a magical answer. You have to seek help and practice what you learn, whether you understand it or not. Best of luck to you.
While it's helpful that you can relate somewhat, the OP's situation is not the same as your daughter's. We do not even know for sure that she has been diagnosed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
I don't think any of us think it's easy for her. But OP has been given entire pages with links to support groups in her area and all kinds of other resources that she does not follow up on, saying she doesn't think the Asperger's is really that big a deal, when it is obviously affecting her entire life. No, I would not tell everyone, however again in the setting she works in, which is a school for troubled kids, I would be extremely surprised if those experienced educators she is working with don't see it in her as easily as they see their hand in front of their face. I worked in public schools for only 5 years, and I know if I met KMB and didn't know her, I would come away thinking "she's on the spectrum", so I do not think it is the well-kept secret KMB believes it is.
I think this is the point that most everyone has been trying to make to the OP for some time now. It will make you wonder if the OP really wants her situation to improve or is rather looking for justification for her actions. I hope it's not the case, but one begins to wonder after countless pages of people trying to offer up advice on what needs to be done.
Well, if you were me, you would know that most of the advice I've been given just won't work in my situation; at least, I don't know how to make it work.
For one, I haven't been "officially" diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (Asperger's); I was diagnosed by a student clinic, and I don't know if that is good enough to qualify me for special services.
Secondly, I don't know where to get "officially" diagnosed. I think at my age (which is 29), the doctor would probably consider ASD pretty subjectively. It's not like I would go in for a brain scan or something definite. They would give me a personality inventory and use my answers to determine whether or not I had enough autistic traits to be considered on the spectrum.
Also, I've contacted many of the places here that were supposed to provide support for autism; they either lumped traditional autism and ASD together, or they served primarily children and teens. I do not feel comfortable frequenting any of those venues. If there is a place here that tests or counsels only adults with autism, I don't know of it.
Finally, although I may have the classic problems with my social skills, I can understand obvious sarcasm and am okay with literary devices like puns, irony, and figurative language; I'm an English teacher, so I have to understand things like that quite well. Plus, I have talked about my problem with at least one professional, and she simply did not think I had it. She didn't run a formal test, but it wasn't obvious to her from talking to me, so I don't think I'm a flashing neon sign (until incidents that I have no real schema for occur, like the smoothie place, or the time (as a teen) I convinced my friends to throw water bombs in someone's toilet and destroyed it accidentally while experimenting, or the times in elementary school I made an absolute fool of myself unwittingly and other people had to point it out to me, or the time I (as an almost elementary-school aged child) told an overweight woman she looked like a balloon and wasn't at all trying to be mean, oh and the times I (as a young child) frequently tackled and knocked other kids to the ground in public places for no real reason except I thought it was fun. I don't know. I probably should get tested, correctly though (I don't want to waste limited money on an ink blot test) and maybe start getting some help (maybe it's the way I approached them, but I really haven't found anything. It is so frustrating when you can't even convey your sincerity to other people at times. This is what I deal with.) Plus, this place isn't very good for people with mental illnesses. Unless you are severely mentally ill, you often go unnoticed and untreated. If I thought I would have decent chance of surviving, I would move to a big city that had more resources for people like me.
You've said that you've told the special education teacher at your job about your condition--she probably has a line on resources that could help you.
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I don't know. I probably should get tested, correctly though (I don't want to waste limited money on an ink blot test) and maybe start getting some help (maybe it's the way I approached them, but I really haven't found anything. It is so frustrating when you can't even convey your sincerity to other people at times. This is what I deal with.) Plus, this place isn't very good for people with mental illnesses. Unless you are severely mentally ill, you often go unnoticed and untreated. If I thought I would have decent chance of surviving, I would move to a big city that had more resources for people like me.
