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and/or don't act like adults much of the time...(not kidding, though I wish I was)
Child of divorce here.
My parents - for many, many years - have acted competitive, and/or have at times (both my mother and father..) tried to sabotage me getting ahead in some way (through various means, I could give examples..) (now do you see why I want to change my name so my family can not find me? lol..) In retrospect, it would have been better if I had completely separated from them at age 18.
I try to theorize why and - in many ways - I think that my parents are still (despite their divorce 20 years ago) kinda hung up on each other...(seriously, I know it is depressing). They had four kids together, myself and my three siblings (though one of their children is deceased, my sister died 6 years ago) and sometimes I wonder if *by kinda "putting down" one or two of their kids* if it makes them have still a relationship?? (*That's all I got*)
Myself, I am fed up with it - tired of being their punching bag, you know...(**Oh, and they are still, IMO, hung up on each other, despite the fact that they are both remarried, and I have one half-sibling from my dad's remarriage, and two stepbrothers from my mom's remarriage, though they are both adults.)
Case in point, I recently applied for a job with the police force, well, not as a police officer but as a 911 call taker..For the 29-page long application, I have to give information about my immediate family...mother/father/stepmom/stepdad and all siblings (which includes my half sibling and two stepbrothers)
Well, here's the thing (is this getting off topic?) my mom/stepdad have a *rocky* relationship...I do not really keep track of my stepbrothers *at all* (mom remarried stepdad when I was long gone from the home), so I don't really have very much contact information...I called my mother about some basic information about them, which she (to this point) refused to give me...so I looked one step-brother up on Facebook, he has not responded yet (he has rocky relationship with my mom, too) and the other step-brother (I have only met him a couple of times, and very briefly) - I have no information and can not find him on facebook. I asked my mother about some very basic information about these people - "no" She wants to know what job I am applying for - which I will not tell her (as it is none of her business), she doesn't want me to have any kind of stable job, or be successful. She wants me to stay at my current job (like this is her decision?!?!), which is low pay, high stress, no sick days, no dental, and terrible health insurance.
Then I call my dad because I don't know if he has an email address, or not (yeah, we're close..) Also, I don't have any address or work information for my half-sister (though she is just in college), but I doubt that these people will give me anything...and I think it makes me look bad - to turn in an incomplete application...I am not hiding anything and they are all law-abiding (as far as I know) I just don't understand why either side of the family can't do me a favor. (Like, just help me look good...for once)
Then, to add insult to injury - my sister (I have all of her information anyways..I wouldn't need to ask her) texted me, "What kind of job are you applying to? I do not give permission to use my personal information." Ironically, she has "public" information on facebook (as in, anyone could look this up..) her college degree and place of employment (which is a big part of the information that I needed - work & work address) so that anyone with an internet connection could find out this information...UGH!
If you want a lot of replies, you might want to go back and fix that.
I know my mom felt she was in direct competition with me. It worked out on some levels. She never brought her boyfriends around. Which is good for me! But only because she worried I might be more attractive to them. But then sometimes when she was a hard cold ummmm... *meany*. She got married when I was in college. After that semester I had to get her new husband's tax records to file for financial aid and loans. She refused to ask him or even let me talk to him. I couldn't go to college any more.
I don't think it was competition. I think she was just a...meany.
Even names, addresses and birth dates. To your own child? Really?
I'm careful with other people's personal information...but to my own kid about his family...he has a right to that info.
My own children know that information, they wouldn't have to ask. I don't think the OP has the right to any information on her step siblings that isn't already public information, in which case, she can find it if she looks hard enough. If she had a relationship with them, it wouldn't be an issue would it? And her own sister doesn't want to share her info either. There's a back story here, but I doubt very much her parents are doing it out of competition.
My husband applied to a few jobs that had really in-depth background information required. He wasn't speaking to any of his relatives, so it was impossible to get their information from them. He doesn't have a large family, and I was able to get all of the information required through other means. It didn't matter, they sent investigators out to talk to his nutty relatives (I know because they went to my relatives too) and my husband did not get any of those jobs.
It's been 8 or 9 years since he applied for those jobs and I just got a letter from the government yesterday saying that my information (date of birth, SSN, place of birth, all addresses I've ever lived at, all jobs I ever held) was stolen when their network was hacked. So I can understand not really wanting to give out lots of detailed info to anyone.
About your parents, they don't care what's best for you. They never did. That's why they acted like children about their divorce and that's why they don't want you to do well now. If you're a failure, they can blame each other for it.
Since you asked: Nothing I did (in my mother's eyes) amounted to squat. Because of her reactions over the years it dawned on me that she seemed sort of jealous? Not sure. Unless I showed up with a crown and a British accent I doubt anything I did would impress her. I got over it years ago.
On your background check it's okay to say you don't know someone's whereabouts but you have to put as much as you do know. They'll kick it back time and time again (btdt).
I had a miserable abusive stepfather. I was the gifted one among my half and step sibs who could draw and I am a decent photographer. He started photography and would continually belittle me. I graduated from college and the others didn't. He attended some job-related classes at the same college and got an a or two. His remark was that he never graduated from high school and got As. Well, he didn't have to take organic chemistry, physics, geography, econ, psychology, etc. He would also continually berate me on whatever I was doing at the time: it wasn't being done right or the way he would do it. He has been dead for almost 20 years but he still affects my self-esteem at times.
Your parents are competitors and I believe that they childishly compare themselves to you to make themselves feel better. They are the insecure ones. Don't allow their insecurities to affect your life. Hopefully you can connect with your step sibs. You all may have quite the conversation. Best of luck.
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I got over it years ago. 
