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My guess from the responses here is that a major reason some people don't make friends with co-workers stares back at them from the mirror every morning. When people have the attitude that they're better than everybody else or that everybody else is out to "get them", you're not going to be making many friends anywhere, in or out of the workplace. There seems to be plenty of that attitude expressed in this thread.
Most friends, whether you make them at work or somewhere else are probably not be particularly close, BFF type friends, but that doesn't mean you can't go out to lunch and/or socialize occasionally -- or say "hi" if you run into somebody at the grocery store.
Your *guess* is more like a very wrong assumption. I spent 8+ hours with people I worked with and never felt the need to spend any more time with them than that. I have also never been insecure enough with myself or my employment performance to believe that I am better than anyone. The employees that I supervised were never asked nor expected to do anything I would not do myself.
As far as going to lunch, socializing, or seeing someone at the grocery, I took my lunch to work, never felt the need to include or be included in my private life or the private life of a coworker and I always said hello and chatted if I happened to run into someone outside of work.
Perhaps you should look in the mirror and ask yourself why you do not understand the concept of separating business life from person al life and why you are so judgmental.
I always have a definite of "friendship" by: friend is someone understand you, help you regardless, and you are always there for that friend as well.
"coworker": you go there, see them and socialize if it's possible. They will back stab you whenever they could, don't ever try to be friend with your coworkers, I learn my lesson so well through current company. I have a coworker, she is willing to tell me the truth right in front of my face in a nice way. She's the only one I think is nice in my company. But again, she's not my friend, she's my coworker. I can never trust anyone at work. If you are better than them, they will try to make you to their level. They gossip so much that other gossip folks will fall for and you are the victim because you are better than them ...
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
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Quote:
Originally Posted by texan2yankee
Most of the best friends I've made post college were people I worked with over the years!
Me, too. I have two ladies I'm still friends with after 20 years and the company is now defunct. Nevertheless, we still meet up for "Board Meetings" (happy hour) whenever we get the chance.
I go in to any job purposely avoiding any social interaction, but I have made friends despite that. I avoid parties, dopey potlucks etc, but still, I have met a few people I hang around with after hours. That would be the exception, not the rule.
Not a big fan of social stuff in the workplace.
I have worked at a lot of places. Office worker, construction worker, restaurant jobs, etc. I made friends at some places and kept it business at others. All depends on the people I was around. Most were OK. Some were kind of sick places to work and brought out the worst in people, making them hard to trust.
Curious. Did you put the word "work" in quotation marks because you're talking about someone that you don't actually work with?
I hasten to add that in my previous job I made several good friends. It's just that my current job is different. The people are different. I don't connect with them mentally or emotionally. But I'm friendly and polite, of course.
I have worked at a lot of places. Office worker, construction worker, restaurant jobs, etc. I made friends at some places and kept it business at others. All depends on the people I was around. Most were OK. Some were kind of sick places to work and brought out the worst in people, making them hard to trust.
I think this is an important point - I think in large part it depends on what type of work you're doing and where.
If you're in some very specific profession (like being a teacher, doctor, lawyer, police officer, etc.), and you're working with a bunch of people in the same profession, then it's likely that your career is a bigger part of who you are and you'll probably have a lot in common with others at work. If your work involves a lot of manual labor or safety risks, there's a certain camaraderie that develops. If you're all young and working PT at a restaurant or bar, it may also just feel natural.
But, if everyone at work is doing different things and has different backgrounds, education, etc. and your job is pretty much just a 9-5 thing, of course you'd be less likely to want to make friends at work or feel any connection to co-workers.
At any rate, be careful. Everyone at work isn't a backstabber (to those saying that - I doubt it's the co-workers who are ALL the problem) but you need to use more discretion on who you trust and what you say regardless of what field you're in. On the flip side, while there's no actual need to become close to co-workers, having a blanket policy against it seems silly as long as you use discretion. Also, not attending work-related social functions may be ill-advised. Even if you don't want to go, you really do need to in some cases. You can get through it and going doesn't make you all BFFs.
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