Sister in law charged family for the cost of a wake (funerals, neighbors)
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So many of you mentioned a restaurant and paying that bill. OP clearly stated it was "cheese and crackers and soda" Hard to believe that cost $75 for all of it. Don't really get the wake either, my family never had a wake for anybody. Guess we're not Irish enough.
I am not Irish but I have never been to a funeral without a meal afterwards.
Communities used to be closer and take care of one another in time of need. When mom passed, by the time we got home from the hospital, there were folks waiting at the house with food. For the funeral, several church ladies stayed at our house to get everything ready while neighbors brought food. Everything was ready when we returned from the service and for the rest of the day a couple hundred people came and visited for a while. Same thing for dad, though for him I had to fly back across country.
When my time comes, there probably won't be anyone who even cares enough to show up for the funeral. Times have changed.
I kid you not my brother and his wife got sent a bill in the mail from her sister (my brothers sister in law) asking for 75.00 per couple for the cost of their dads wake service . I was floored . My brother told me that she only served cheese and crackers and some canned sodas . He sent me a copy of the bill and it was worded to say the following " Hello , as you know we all attended so and so s wake service and it was not cheap to hold such a life celebration in my church' s hall , so there fore I'm sure you all will want to make your donation of 75.00 as well " , just send a check made out to me so that I can pay the bill for this event . No one even knew of the plans until an email showed up and she never mentioned one word of having to pay for the hall or anything else . I cannot believe the nerve of this woman . Is this common practice now to ask your relatives to help you pay for everything instead of letting them know in advance that they will be expected to help pay for family events ? Just curious if this is common practice now . I think it is extremely rude and bad manners . What say the rest of you ?
Why should that one sister have to pay the full bill? Why didn't your sister-in-law offer to help pay, so there would have been no need for an invoice? Even though there was only crackers and sodas, they rented a hall, and did a service provide the food?
I don't find the bill out of place. It's just a shame that the siblings didn't volunteer the $ in the first place.
One of my sisters just passed away. I am one of four siblings left. And my dad. When discussing the funeral (I'm out of state), I learned that my dad's wife was making funeral arrangements while we kept vigil at ICU (my sister hadn't passed away yet). That was okay w/us, her being more experienced with funeral arrangements. That was nice of her...it was a lot of work.
My dad didn't have to ask us to chip in. My brother and I offered to pay our fair share. Another sister said she couldn't afford to (we told her we knew that). Another sister said all she could contribute was a small amount (the sister who has a BMW sportscar and a new pool---there's one in every family, right?). That still left my dad with a larger portion of the bill (but he is the dad, and I think he's financially comfortable...and he's paid a lot of money to his "new" kids over the years as opposed to us "former" kids, so I don't feel bad about that). Anyway, he didn't have to ask, is the point.
These things should be discussed while everyone is together, though, IMO. The sister who paid for the wake should've brought it up in person. If she didn't, I would have.
I don't think it's worded very nicely, but I also can't imagine expecting one sister to host the wake and pay the whole bill. Was your sister-in-law really not going to chip in for her own father's funeral?
Yeah, it wasn't worded overly nicely. Sounds like the sister sending the bill was a little ticked off she had to do that, instead of them offering, as one would expect.
So many of you mentioned a restaurant and paying that bill. OP clearly stated it was "cheese and crackers and soda" Hard to believe that cost $75 for all of it. Don't really get the wake either, my family never had a wake for anybody. Guess we're not Irish enough.
A hall was rented. And it's possible a service provided the snacks. What the OP refers to as crackers and soda was probably a little more than that and/or a quantity of it. If a service provided it, add the servicer's profit on top.
To save money the siblings could've each gone to a store and bought crackers and soda. But it sounds like the siblings didn't offer to do anything.
The whole thing sounds strange to me. I always thought the church didn't cost anything if you were a member, just a gratutity (?) for the minister. We have always had it at someone's house, and it was potluck, or donated by someone. I've been to a few where one of the groups from the church donated all the food, and even stuck around to serve it and make sure everyone got fed.
My granddaughter works for a bar/restaurant, and when my husband passed away, the owner closed the restaurant part for us, and even donated some of the food, at no charge. The rest was brought in by the family or family friends. It was planned two days before.
Or maybe we do things different in our part of the country?
My sister's funeral was handled by a funeral home, including the viewing ("the wake"). It's part of the funeral home's bill (except some visitors bring food).
We siblings and dad all discussed how to split up the bill for the funeral (the whole thing from casket to viewing).
okay I can see now I probably did not make it clear . My brothers sister in law sent a bill to everyone who came to the wake because she had a notebook for everyone to sign in . And for what it is worth my brother did offer to get a restaurant and pay the bill , no she did not want to do that . And believe me when my brother says it was crackers and cheese , it was crackers and cheese and I have met this woman . This woman gives a whole new meaning to crass.
okay I can see now I probably did not make it clear . My brothers sister in law sent a bill to everyone who came to the wake because she had a notebook for everyone to sign in . And for what it is worth my brother did offer to get a restaurant and pay the bill , no she did not want to do that . And believe me when my brother says it was crackers and cheese , it was crackers and cheese and I have met this woman . This woman gives a whole new meaning to crass.
OK, that's not right, but one child shouldn't have to pay for the whole thing when there are others.
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