Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Normally funerals/wakes/viewings etc are paid for out of the assets of the person who died. If the person who died has no money to cover then its up to the family to cover it, but that would be something that would be discussed and agreed to ahead of time. Billing the party attendees after the fact would be a huge negative social faux pas.
I kid you not my brother and his wife got sent a bill in the mail from her sister (my brothers sister in law) asking for 75.00 per couple for the cost of their dads wake service . I was floored . My brother told me that she only served cheese and crackers and some canned sodas . He sent me a copy of the bill and it was worded to say the following " Hello , as you know we all attended so and so s wake service and it was not cheap to hold such a life celebration in my church' s hall , so there fore I'm sure you all will want to make your donation of 75.00 as well " , just send a check made out to me so that I can pay the bill for this event . No one even knew of the plans until an email showed up and she never mentioned one word of having to pay for the hall or anything else . I cannot believe the nerve of this woman . Is this common practice now to ask your relatives to help you pay for everything instead of letting them know in advance that they will be expected to help pay for family events ? Just curious if this is common practice now . I think it is extremely rude and bad manners . What say the rest of you ?
I like to think family, especially adult children, come together when a parent dies. In a situation like this, I like to think family would insist on sharing the cost and not put the planner in a position of having to ask for financial help.
Sounds like there would not have been a wake had not the one daughter planned it.
There are two sides to this. First, SOMEONE has to pay the bill. But, this was handled poorly. Normally, the deceased's assets are used to pay these. If they don't have them, the family has to take care of it, and they should talk about it beforehand. It sounds like this is just for the luncheon at the church reception room, which may have fallen to your SIL, and should be paid out of the estate or otherwise from the siblings.
Sounds like she may have gotten confused after reading some of those articles about people billing their wedding reception guests who didn't show up.
I would ignore it. If she asked about it, I would tell her that I assumed her grief made her temporarily insane.
LOL....I like this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
I don't think it's worded very nicely, but I also can't imagine expecting one sister to host the wake and pay the whole bill. Was your sister-in-law really not going to chip in for her own father's funeral?
That's why good communication is key. Especially in situations like this. There is absolutely no reason these days with texting, email, etc to not have everyone on the same page.
And this wasn't chipping in for funeral and asking $75. That would be more like $7,500 to cover a portion of he funeral costs. This is about covering the cost of food provided afterwards. Again it should have been discussed prior.
Honestly why I don't like what this woman did, $75 isn't much. Many times after a service a group of people go out to a nice restaurant and you're looking at several hundred dollars.
$75 from each of the children of the man who died isn't a huge amount. It should have been discussed before the arrangements were made, but we took everyone out to eat after my FIL's funeral and $75 would have been a bargain for that!
Maybe the sister-in-law could be reimbursed from her father's estate, if he left any money behind?
Quote:
Originally Posted by JONOV
There are two sides to this. First, SOMEONE has to pay the bill. But, this was handled poorly. Normally, the deceased's assets are used to pay these. If they don't have them, the family has to take care of it, and they should talk about it beforehand. It sounds like this is just for the luncheon at the church reception room, which may have fallen to your SIL, and should be paid out of the estate or otherwise from the siblings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
That's why good communication is key. Especially in situations like this. There is absolutely no reason these days with texting, email, etc to not have everyone on the same page.
And this wasn't chipping in for funeral and asking $75. That would be more like $7,500 to cover a portion of he funeral costs. This is about covering the cost of food provided afterwards. Again it should have been discussed prior.
Honestly why I don't like what this woman did, $75 isn't much. Many times after a service a group of people go out to a nice restaurant and you're looking at several hundred dollars.
I am assuming that it was just the children who were asked to chip in, NOT everyone who attended.
I agree that it should have been discussed in advance. When my MIL passed away, we had the post funeral dinner at a restaurant and even though it was a fairly small amount of people the bill was almost $1,000 (as people ordered of the menu & many people ordered drinks) which had to paid that night before we left the restaurant (so the cost was split among the children). But, this was discussed in advance so my husband knew that he were going to pay his share.
When my father passed away, the executor paid the bill himself and was reimbursed by the estate. All, the siblings knew that was what we were going to do.
Last edited by germaine2626; 02-02-2016 at 02:56 PM..
I am assuming that it was just the children who were asked to chip in, NOT everyone who attended.
I agree that it should have been discussed in advance. When my MIL passed away, we had the post funeral dinner at a restaurant and even though it was a fairly small amount of people the bill was almost $1,000 (as people ordered of the menu & many people ordered drinks) which had to paid that night before we left the restaurant (so the cost was split among the children). But, this was discussed in advance so my husband knew that he were going to pay his share.
When my father passed away, the executor paid the bill himself and was reimbursed by the estate. All, the siblings knew that was what we were going to do.
Well that is how you do it. When my grandfather passed away in 1980, several family members and friends went out to restaurant and my father and my uncle(his brother) split the bill.
It's amazing how when things are discussed in advance how much easier it is for all involved at a time when things are difficult enough.
No cell phones or emails in 1980. Just a conversation on how to handle who is paying for what, no excuse these days to not communicate information.
So many of you mentioned a restaurant and paying that bill. OP clearly stated it was "cheese and crackers and soda" Hard to believe that cost $75 for all of it. Don't really get the wake either, my family never had a wake for anybody. Guess we're not Irish enough.
It's not clear if the SIL is asking for $75 from everyone who attended (really tacky and bad form), or just from all the other siblings (in which case, $75 seems fair - actually, incredibly inexpensive to me).
OP has yet to check back, but if it's the latter, then the OP's sister-in-law is the tacky one - goes to her own dad's wake, complains about the cheap food, and then expects her other sister to foot the entire bill.
Even if it's in a church basement, the janitor doesn't come in and open it up for free. And even if it's just cheese and crackers, that stuff ain't free, either.
The hall probably has a set up/cleaning fee. Seventy five dollars each for a wake is not that much. I'd just pay it and thank her for planning it.
Familial harmony is worth $75.
I'm shocked your brotherand sister in law didn't offer to pay before he even got the bill, as it should be paid by all the siblings.
What do you think should happen when your parents pass away? Would you like the costs shared?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
