More neighbor complaints... coughing (female, male, person, conversation)
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So.... I googled this issue and the consensus seems to be that I can do nothing about it but the CD peeps sometimes have good ideas that are different.
Let me start by saying that I generally don't care what others do to themselves, smoking, obesity, etc. I don't have the energy to give a hoot. That being said.... There's a back story to the apartment below mine which makes me want to report them to the HOA but it's irrelevant. This last month, there's another female occupying the premise. She lays or sits directly below my bedroom in the same place the apparently deaf mother of a former occupant did. Most nights she keeps me awake coughing up a lung and clearing out a throat that has nothing in it. She's making the constipated-pushing-one-out noises.
To be clear, she does not do this outside or when she's walking around to and from her car etc. She reserves these grotesque noises just for inside. As well as smoking only indoors.
Today I hermitted and so did she. All. Friggen. Day. Long. It's bad enough to lose sleep and wake up all night, but now I can't even get any peace in the day. Today was rough. It was really hard not to go to Costco and buy a gallon of cough syrup and place it in front of her door with a note reading:
See a doctor or drink this gallon of syrup before I make the decision for you.
Terrible. I know. But I can't take it anymore!!!
Just in me writing this, she has had 3 attacks that sound like nothing more than her straining and forcing herself to cough for the sake of coughing.
Again, she does not smoke or cough outside that I have ever seen. Only indoors. If she did it outside, I'd hear her coughing at least twice before she got to our building.
Or, you could go the direct route... Go pay your neighbor a visit. Mention to her, "You may not realize how thin the walls are, but I can hear you coughing quite clearly. It's very disruptive to me. I just wanted you to be aware".
Notice that you're not asking her to stop coughing. That might be unreasonable.
If you know she has a job then you might want to throw in a suggestion for her to seek medical treatment as an ongoing cough could signify something serious.
She may have sinus drip. My Dr suggested I elevate the top of me bed to help stop the flow to my throat. This works. Or just having two pillows also helps. How you would suggest this to a neighbor is beyond me.
Or, you could go the direct route... Go pay your neighbor a visit. Mention to her, "You may not realize how thin the walls are, but I can hear you coughing quite clearly. It's very disruptive to me. I just wanted you to be aware".
Notice that you're not asking her to stop coughing. That might be unreasonable.
If you know she has a job then you might want to throw in a suggestion for her to seek medical treatment as an ongoing cough could signify something serious.
This is a much better idea. Talk in person.
And I wouldn't write in a note "before I make the decision for you", WTH does that mean? Sounds like a threat.
Can't stand passive/aggressive. Be a grown up and politely but firmly deal with the issue face to face.
I'll just say I feel your pain. I'm very sensitive to noise and I am sure this would drive me completely batty.
I don't think its realistic to think you are going to be able to go talk to a complete stranger and ask her to stop coughing. People just don't tend to be too receptive to requests to change their behavior in general, and especially not from a stranger, in my experience. The only way you'd ever be able to have such a conversation and have it not make things even worse and more awkward is to develop a friendly relationship first. Then, once that is established, you *might* be able to mention it.
Here are my tips:
1. To help decrease *some* of your irritation with her, try to pretend that she has severe lung cancer, and use this to generate a bit of empathy. This is simply for you to decrease your own feelings of negativity about the situation.
2. Agree with a good old-fashioned white noise machine. Even if it doesn't block the actual noise, it helps to distract your brain from focusing on it so much.
3. If you cannot move, get some custom ear plugs made. They work about 100x better than the foam ones you can buy at the store, and they don't hurt your ears. I went to a clinic at the local university last year and got a pair made just so that when I want true silence, I can have it any time I want. They cost me $150, and I consider them worth every penny.
When I got mine made, I found out that my ear canals curve up almost immediately after the opening, and that is one reason I could never get the foam ear plugs to work- there was just no way to cram them in.
While $150 might seem like a lot, for me its been worth it. They are made out of a rubberized plastic and will probably last the rest of my life. I no longer feel at the mercy of any neighbors or activities in my neighborhood when it comes to noise. The leaf blowers that come on every weekend- I just pop them in and can't even hear it.
To find where to get them made just google "custom ear plugs" and your city name (or the nearest big city or university).
I was flying from USA to Europe, 10 hours or so flight. I do have long legs, so I need to move them around a lot on such a long flight. A lady beside me was severely frustrated each time I would move my feet 0.5" across the imaginary line between "her" and "mine" leg space under the seats in front of me. She pushed my foot (clean socks, boots off) with her boot, gave me a hundred of "what a shame" looks, scoffed, sighted, etc. I swear I didn't go across the "border" for more than 1/2 inch.
I didn't like such greed, so I got an earphone - they give them out on every flight - tore one earbud off, chose rap in the menu, added volume, and turned the remaining earbud towards this lady. And moved my foot from "her side" permanently. She was pretty quiet for the rest of the flight.
So OP, turn on the radio, put a metal pot over it, cover it with rags, and go outside for a couple of hours or go to work. When she (or a manager) asks you what's going on, tell them that you are afraid of bacteria your neighbor spreads and you know that the newest research shows that a loud music kills bacteria more effectively than antibiotics. And see what happens.
They're pricey, but they don't rattle and my last one lasted over 10 years before it died. I have it running right now. You can turn it so it faces the ceiling, and circulates the cool air from the floor in summer to keep the room cooler, too. I has a nice low hum, and really drowns out the noise.
I don't think there's anything you can do. If you tell her you can hear her coughing, it won't stop her need to cough.
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