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This is my 30 yr old step daughter in Holland. She is mentally delayed and is getting married to a guy who uses her for her gov given home and her car . January 7, 2017.
The bigger question is why your husband is okay with his "mentally delayed" daughter marrying a con man who "uses her" for her house and car. If she were my child, I'd be on a plane out there to try to STOP the wedding. Is she even of sound mind to be getting married in the first place? What do you mean by "mentally delayed?"
Definitely going to stick with therapy and my Dr is a doll she is so sweet, have had her a long time and she can see i am sinking .
Daughter is his by legal closed adoption and he has his greencard but is not a citizen . I am so upset I got my years mixed up SHE is 15 we have been together 14 . He keeps saying but I'm not even going to shake her hand .. @5000+ miles away and how she acts I will never know and will have no more trust left . I mean you know she literally THROWS her body onto people .
Plus I really just got rid of her for a whole 8 months straight before this .. I cannot go back into it again.. unless she is following me yet again on FB under another assumed name and I haven't caught on ( she tried an Arabic one once ??)
I talk to my kids in Texas on FB ,my horse networking associates find me there . Even prospective employers have seen my work there either galloping the Thoroughbreds or showing others horses and have hired me from it so I really DO use it . Terrible that is a way for her to intrude as well . I have been boxing and sending so much stuff to my oldest daughter and her friends in Texas its unreal so I can travel light . I told him that its not just this , that I have been VERY unwell in this atmosphere for quite a while.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JasperJade
The bigger question is why your husband is okay with his "mentally delayed" daughter marrying a con man who "uses her" for her house and car. If she were my child, I'd be on a plane out there to try to STOP the wedding. Is she even of sound mind to be getting married in the first place? What do you mean by "mentally delayed?"
Have no clue , I once tried to get one out of our lives when he got angry at her and tore down my ENTIRE kitchen/ Living room wall there in Holland that cost nearly 10,000 EU's to repair and got soundly berated for it so 10,000 is OK but SHE MUST HAVE HER MAN !!! Many times I felt like I was the only one who cared what happened to her . Not surprisingly her mom likes the son better but when his son found out about the dressing all communication stopped between he and his dad .
She is chronologically 30 , acts about 17 with fits of anger when things do not go her way or she has to go to a job. It was worse when she was younger , the horses really helped her but when I left that left too .
Last edited by DutchessCottonPuff; 02-24-2016 at 11:20 AM..
can you get an emergency therapy appointment or get a call in? All of this is happening in the heat of the moment and spiraling...I think you need to step back and take a breath
I did that awhile ago and they are trying to work me n , Husband doesn't want me to go for whatever reason. I don't care , if they can find a spot I will go .
I did that awhile ago and they are trying to work me n , Husband doesn't want me to go for whatever reason. I don't care , if they can find a spot I will go .
For sure get in if you can. It sounds like things are in crisis mode and a helpful therapist is totally in order. Hubby is just reacting right now, it sounds like. If you can, get space from each other today as well.
I did that awhile ago and they are trying to work me n , Husband doesn't want me to go for whatever reason. I don't care , if they can find a spot I will go .
You go and put yourself first, self care in NOT selfish, if anyone tells you that, tell em to kick rocks.
I love this analogy: On a plane they always tell you, if the oxygen masks drop down, you MUST secure your first before helping ANYONE else, even your child. The reason is that if you don't make sure you're breathing first, you won't be any help to anyone if you pass out.
Holy crap what a nightmare. I have to agree that you need to stay away from all of the craziness and let your husband go by himself. Do you trust him with the crazy ex wife?
She can throw herself at him 100 times a day but if he's not even willing to talk to her on the phone, has divorced her, and can't stand the thought of her, then why would he even entertain the thought of having sex with such a pig? You know in your heart if he will stray with her DCP.
If you trust him then let him go alone. If you can't trust him then it's time for the ultimatum. Is your marriage more important then the wedding? The wedding will go on regardless of whether your husband attends or not. It sounds like his daughter might appreciate a nice check in place of her father attending anyway. (?)
Your husband needs to grow some and set priorities. Your well being should be his first concern and putting you into an abusive situation is not looking out for your best interest. You two need to sit down and have an adult conversation about what your expectations are for your life together.
I went through a lot of problems with John's family as well and he basically had to make a choice. That's not to say that he couldn't see his family, he could. He chose to put my well being ahead of his family and set some strict boundaries. Did they like it? No, but they had to respect it.
Your husband is not setting firm enough boundaries with his ex and it's very disrespectful towards you. It's not what people do, it's the way you handle it that's important. Had some trashy piece of crap bimbo like that come and throw herself on my husband there would be no doubt in my mind that he would push her off with a very stern get the hell away from me.
Maybe you and your husband need to have a sit down with a marriage counselor to find out why he can't or won't set some strict boundaries with her? You then have to make a choice as to whether you want this marriage or not. I think your problems run deeper then just his family that are thousands of miles away.
If he wants the entire family to go, then he needs to get another job and earn that money.
This couple has FAR more issues than a wedding on another continent!
Yes, they do. I only mentioned the horses because they are very expensive to care for, and, if you don't have $5000 and see no way to save up that much in the near future, then you can't afford to care for 5 horses.
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Originally Posted by Koale
I vote for the horses. If the daughter wants to be married in Holland then let her pay the airfare.
K
The daughter lives in Holland and so did her dad until he married the OP, if I understand correctly. It isn't the daughter's fault that her dad left the country.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DutchessCottonPuff
yeah, I know ... These are OLD broodmares that I could GIVE away to a good home that would free up 400 a month regardless of wedding or not . It's just me that doesn't want to go , I don't mind or really care at this point if he goes . Our daughter here at home doesn't care. My dutch step daughter doesn't like her either so she and I just want out of the way .
We do NOT want anymore embarrassing extravaganzas like at Christmas or when the daughter went screaming after us in the cab at age 20 ,running down the middle of the street when we moved to the US . We told her she could ad SHOULD come with us MONTHS in advance and she always lived with us but she didn't want to leave her then boyfriend ... not the current fiance.
If she knew I am the one that picks and sends all of her birthday and Christmas presents in EXACTLY what she loves . She thinks it's her dad and he signs my name lol ...........
Most of these I work for in exchange for their care ( feed , vet , farrier ) board is what I have to pay @200 a mare , I have been trying to get hi to let me place 2 of our very old girls in a retirement home for well known horses of their day for lots of people to see and love on but he says no way . They actually qualify ,and it would hep our finances.
Yes, they do. I only mentioned the horses because they are very expensive to care for, and, if you don't have $5000 and see no way to save up that much in the near future, then you can't afford to care for 5 horses.
Who are you to determine what someone can or cannot afford? There's nothing stopping dad from taking a second job to save up for this wedding trip. Nothing at all. If he wants to so badly, then he can work for it.
The OP has an equine job! Horses are kind of a requirement when that's your job/business.
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