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My brother and his wife have close b-days and so I usually just give them both a card on my brother's b-day.
My mom said my brother was annoyed that no one called his wife personally to wish her a happy birthday.
Is this a real thing? Is it normal for adults to be this sensitive about b-days? I feel like they are being petty and just using it as an excuse to control my behavior. I don't have a problem wishing her happy birthday but it seems a tad childish for people to critique how I do it and specifying how to do it.
And I don't like being locked into a certain behavior I HAVE to perform every year flawlessly and without fail just because he married someone or I'm scolded.
It seems to me my performance is being given way too much importance to the degree that my actual involvement in this relationship deserves.
Am I being unfair?
Do they call you for your birthday? You seriously can't remember one person's birthday? Write it on the calendar. Put it in your smart phone. It happens every year.
Honestly, it doesn't sound like you're putting my thought into your brother or your sister-in-law. You can't be bothered to remember her birthday so it comes across that you can't be bothered with her or that you don't like her. And if you're calling your brother on his birthday, YES it looks REALLY bad that you're ignoring her birthday! Your whole family sounds pretty crappy for forgetting or blowing off her birthday. Not nice or polite!
As for this situation, tell your brother that if his wife is upset, SHE, as a grownup, can tell you, and if she does, say cheerily, "Happy birthday!" and then fall silent. If she starts whining about it, remind her that you did give her a card. You DID NOT forget her birthday; you remember every year. Then see what she has to say. If she continues to whine, stay cheerful and say "Hope you had a great birthday!" Repeat polite cheery platitudes until she realizes she's acting like a toddler and hangs up.
Actually, etiquette and common sense say for the spouse to keep their mouth shut and let the family member deal with it. So yes her brother SHOULD be speaking up for his wife! It's really not her place to do so. When she finally does, it will be a mountain of crap that's happened over time that was never dealt with.
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I haven't a clue when my BIL or SIL birthdays are. If they were on Facebook I would wish them a Happy Birthday because Facebook tells you when to do so. We don't make a big deal about birthdays in our family.
Actually, etiquette and common sense say for the spouse to keep their mouth shut and let the family member deal with it. So yes her brother SHOULD be speaking up for his wife! It's really not her place to do so. When she finally does, it will be a mountain of crap that's happened over time that was never dealt with.
I disagree.
Adults speak to one another. They don't use a liaison.
I wouldn't stress over it, how important is it to you to make your SIL happy?
Google Calendar can track a recurring event, send you an email X days in advance and again on the day of. Better than putting it in your smartphone as it keeps working even after you change phone providers.
If the SIL calls you on your birthday, I would make the effort. I don't call my in laws for their birthdays and they don't call me. It works for us. :-)
My brother and his wife have close b-days and so I usually just give them both a card on my brother's b-day.
My mom said my brother was annoyed that no one called his wife personally to wish her a happy birthday.
Is this a real thing? Is it normal for adults to be this sensitive about b-days? I feel like they are being petty and just using it as an excuse to control my behavior. I don't have a problem wishing her happy birthday but it seems a tad childish for people to critique how I do it and specifying how to do it.
And I don't like being locked into a certain behavior I HAVE to perform every year flawlessly and without fail just because he married someone or I'm scolded.
It seems to me my performance is being given way too much importance to the degree that my actual involvement in this relationship deserves.
Am I being unfair?
Does your brother and SIL both send you a card and both call you on your birthday?
Do they send a card and call your spouse on their birthday?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meyerland
If the SIL calls you on your birthday, I would make the effort. I don't call my in laws for their birthdays and they don't call me. It works for us. :-)
My sister has been married for almost 50 years and I don't even know what season her husband's birthday lands in, let alone the actual date. Nor my SIL's birthday (married 42 years) nor my other SIL's birthday (married about 33 years).
I had two sisters-in-law. One's birthday I always tried to remember because she was like a second mother to me all my life (she's gone now). The other one, I never do because I was never close to her and am not even that fond of her, and Heaven help my brother if he dares to complain to me.
If your mom repeated this to you, then it sounds like it's her concern.
If your brother is concerned enough to gossip about you to anyone else about it (mom included), then as a grown man he should have discussed it with you instead.
If it's an expected thing within your circle, reciprocity is important. One person's shouldn't be forgotten while others' are honored. Otherwise...seems a bit much. I don't know of many adults who get so uptight about their bdays.
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