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I agree with what others are writing. A simple "I'm sorry, but I can't afford to attend" should suffice. A tougher issue would be where you could afford to attend an event, but didn't want to go for other reasons. Even then, though, a simple "I'm not able to attend" should suffice in most instances . . . I'm actually in such a situation now where I'm likely skipping my 5th year college reunion as I don't want to spend good money to be around certain people that I don't care for too much (note, there are some people that I'd love to see).
I don't understand this at all. It would be one thing if you were being pressured by your boss - but this is family.
Just call her up and say, "Sis, about your event? I'm sorry, but we were looking over our finances, and we just can't do it. I'm so disappointed, because we'd love to attend, but we just can't. Maybe next year."
I had a similar problem once with those parties that some women like to give where you are expected to buy something. When their friends buy something they get some of the overpriced merchandise free if they host the party and obligate their friends to buy things they don't want. It's people using their friends for personal gain. And when you go to one the invitations keep coming. Your sister in law is doing this to her family and I think weather or not you can afford it is only one issue. Assigning you the task of filling a 10 person table and assuming you will do it is way too much. You don't need an excuse for not wanting to do her job for her.
I could afford it and everyone knew so I couldn't lie. I just started telling people that I no longer do the parties where you are expected to buy something. The invitations stopped. I think telling her you can't afford it will only be a temporary reason. What are you going to say later on when you can afford it but just don't want to do it?
I agree with the others who say that SIL has quite the nerve, pressuring the OP to not only attend this event but to recruit others as well. But just for the heck of it, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt. Let's say that SIL is a wonderful, loving person with whom the OP is very close, and the thought of disappointing her is highly unpleasant. Let's further assume that SIL strongly believes in the goodness and righteousness of the cause she supports, to the point where, in her mind, it's simply a given that everyone must surely feel the same way about it. And let's further assume that the organization in question does good work on a worthy cause and is a good steward of the money donated.
All that said, if the OP doesn't want to go, the answer is clear: "I'm sorry, but we won't be able to attend." Period. Delivered in a pleasant, but firm tone of voice. No further explanation is necessary. Repeat as often as needed, not varying any of the words.
yes, really bad form to assign you to host a table without asking. I'm sure it's for a good cause like most of these things are,
I know of no reason to be sure it's for a good cause and many of these things are NOT.
Lots of things are not what they seem. Example: giving money "to fight cancer" is often actually giving money to big pharma to research how to market new drugs because the patents are expiring on the old ones.
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Originally Posted by clarksvillemom
but agree what others have said. And don't get into a conversation or a negotiation about it. SImply state the reality and stick to it, firmly.
"I am so sorry, we have already over-extended ourselves donating to charities of our personal choice."
SIL reminds me of my ex-wife who was always into good works for people in some kind of need or other. Her contribution was to tell others what and how they should contribute.
It takes a self-centered person to try and guilt trip you into attending this function, let alone expecting you to guilt trip friend, co-workers, whatever.
I know of no reason to be sure it's for a good cause and many of these things are NOT.
Lots of things are not what they seem. Example: giving money "to fight cancer" is often actually giving money to big pharma to research how to market new drugs because the patents are expiring on the old ones.
It's not that hard to research a charity and find out how it spends its money.
I doubt seriously that any money donated to a medical fundraising charity goes to a drug company. Different charities have different things they focus on. Some are for research, but that is usually directed to universities as grants. The universities may also get money from drug companies. Even if a patent expires there is still demand for the drug.
Research is directed toward finding better drugs with fewer side effects and few drugs for cancers for which there are currently no good treatments.
From the link above, here is a charity I support. You can see just where the money comes from (some of it mine and DH's ) and where it goes:
"thanks for sharing this opportunity with us! We will not be donating to this cause (or, we will be donating $x only"
*Don't apologize
*Don't say "we can't afford it" (with pushy people like that, it's best not to give excuses because the pushy people will find ways to override it).
*don't use the term "this time" or "maybe next year".
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) and where it goes:
