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Do you guys reckon I should call them tonight like I said I would, so I create closure once and for all? Or should I just leave it as is and move on?
I've said this before on this board, but you can't get closure from other people, it's something you give yourself. That phone call will not give you closure.
Given your weak boundaries and propensity to feel guilt, you should not do the phone call at all. By not calling show you're not submitting and dangling like you usually do. They will get the message when you don't call and it'll have a lot more impact than whatever you to say. You need to understand, they don't care what you have to say, just that they have power over you and can coerce you into anything. The phone call will simply be another exercise for them and all they will focus on is overriding you.
You're right. I have to stop letting my emotions rule me because I can't think rationally in such instance.
I'm sure they would turn this call into a fight/guilt trip if I were to call. I can already hear them say:
"We spent 18 years raising you and this is what you have resorted to? You have no shame blah blah".
Yeah, 18 years of physical and emotional abuse in addition to manipulative schemes. They see no wrong in their own behavior because they have this position of "authority" in the sense that you have to submit to your parents because they are your "parents". There comes a point where when the child learns to fend for themselves, they're free to be their own independent entity which they obviously don't understand.
I'm 25, I think it's time for me to claim my power back before any further damage.
They'll probably regard me as another "messed up" family member who turned their back on them (because the truth is every single person in their respective families turned their back on them overnight. No one wants to deal with them. They literally have nobody except their kids which I no longer consider myself to be a part of ...).
By the way, they can jinx me! The contract I told them about is even further away than I thought because suddenly, the person I was dealing with has been dodging my calls and emails all week after two months of constant contact. This person just stopped replying out of the blue, of course after I told my parents about this contract. Coincidence? I think not. They probably thought they could bank on this contract of mine. I was stupid to tell them my business yet again.
Block their number. Block their email. Block them on Facebook and whatever other social media platforms you're on. If you want to warn them first, great, yeah, fine, but just do it.
Thank you to every single person who took the time to comment on this thread and give me constructive advice.
I really do appreciate your help guys, especially as I cannot talk about this situation to just about anybody. No one knows about my difficult relationship with my "parents" and I think getting objective opinions on the matter can definitely be beneficial.
It is time for me to stop acting as though I'm still dependent on them or like I am attached to a leech. I'm a grown woman and should therefore start acting as such. People like them make you feel as though without them, you're life is over but the truth is my life just started when I chose to distance myself from them. Being alone in this world isn't ideal, but better be alone than abused. They've done enough damage as it is.
I hope I will be able to find a job soon enough. Therapy sessions are indeed much needed as this stage. I had therapy sessions in college but I came across an incompetent counsellor who barely believed my story because I thought I was a priviledged kid. Hence, he didn't care to listen to me. This time around, I will choose someone who actually deserves the money I pay them.
Looking back at how I was raised, I could have turned a lot worse. They wanted to confine me and almost forced me to go to college in their city so I wouldn't date guys or get pregnant (what a joke), and so I could remain religious. They simply wanted me to live under their scrutiny for the reste of my life. I listened to my gut and applied to college abroad, then they had no choice but to let me go. They however often criticized me saying "I've changed" I was better when I was a "high school student living at home". Of course, I've grown up and seen through their deficiencies. I've built my own identity which they're not too pleased about, but who cares. They've got issues which to be quite frank, won't be fixed at this stage of their lives. It's too late.
I ended up not calling them that Friday. They kept calling but I wasn't in the mood to pick up. I filtered their calls for about two weeks.
They called me yesterday. I had their phone number blocked. However, for some odd reason, the filter changed their number to a local number and I ended up picking up because I thought it was someone I knew. Turns out it was them. I was underwhelmed because I wondered how they ended up with a local number knowing they're abroad. Of course, that number wasn't filtered because it was not theirs.
Anyway. My dad called me to check up on me to see if I got a job. I told him I wanted to focus on myself and he agreed that it was the best course of action. He said wouldn't be calling no more until I choose to call once I've sorted myself out. He also told me to stay where I am because coming home wouldn't be beneficial.
I'm not sure if he was being nice because he saw how bad the situation was when I was at their place, or because he got the hint after those filtered calls, or because he wants to wait until I get a job since I serve him no purpose now. Either way, he provided me with a clean closure, no fight or resentment on the phone. I thought I'd get aggravated.
I told him my current number will be invalid soon enough and he said to call him once I got myself sorted. That is now up to me.
I'm glad this was resolved in a peaceful way. I overthought the situation, but it wound up getting itself sorted out organically. I don't resent them, but I need some air for now.
I'm glad this was resolved in a peaceful way. I overthought the situation, but it wound up getting itself sorted out organically. I don't resent them, but I need some air for now.
Very happy for you!
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