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Along with some of the cliquishness that starts to occur among married people and people with kids (not everyone is like this obviously, and it may not always occur intentionally in any sort of vindictive way, but it does become noticeable as a whole that as people marry and have kids they tend to fraternize with people in their similar situations),
I think it's just harder as one gets older to truly let their guard down to form meaningful and authentic friendships, because people are expected to act with a certain level of dignity and the places people interact as they get older (i.e. work or homeowners' association meetings, etc. versus playdates from the neighborhood as kids) are more competitive settings. The acting in dignity can be good, but it can also keep people from being truly themselves and some problems that exist in younger people, like bullying, can be just as present as people get older; it's just more covert. I don't think people need to be rude and crude and let go of their manners to do this, but there's a cultural expectation that people not open up and "act the part" and "man up" (especially among men, which can make men especially vulnerable to loneliness and isolation).
There's been quite a bit of research to back this up (example at the link below):
If you mean is it healthy, no, it's not normal for adults to have no friends. Humans are social creatures that benefit immensely from a sense of community and belonging. Even the most introverted need good friends to have by their side, with the side effects of being alone including lots of mental disorders such as depression and anxiety.
Overall though, I find it difficult in American culture to MAKE and REMAIN friends with people as an adult. I am a mildly introverted 28yo and have not had any friends since high school. I commuted during college and now working professionally I have only made good acquaintances, but no real friends. Actually, made one good friend in Texas while I lived there, but then he moved 6 months after meeting him... this is just one example how fragile adult friendships can be. A lot of this has been situational... In college I commuted and never had the opportunity to click like the kids in the dorms did. In work I have mostly worked with older colleagues (late 40s and older), we have a generation between us and it shows. Great to chat with, but not someone I see myself being a great friend with, we're just in such different parts of life due to the age difference.
But yea, not having friends is something that really bugs me, and I know I am miserable not having a good friend, but it's hard as an adult making friends. People are so concerned with their own stuff these days, and everyone is moving a mile a minute. People relocate, people have spouses and children, people have financial troubles. A lot of people don't want to be bothered with the ups and downs of a real friendship and won't even bother with it.
Hoping to make some friends in my 30s at least....
Sometimes people grow apart. More often people just do not have as much time as they once did to spend with one another due to other more important obligations. Other times people work so much they do not have time to facilitate many relationships. However, I believe for the most part that people tend to have at least one friend. But what about people who have absolutely none?
Now, this isn't really a discussion of happiness or if someone can be happy in solitude. Really, I feel like that argument has been settled: Human beings *generally* require some interaction with other human beings to not fall into bewildering depression. Mind you, if you have family or a significant other, the no friend thing may not matter. But this is for people who have no family and no BF or GF. Or even if you do have those you do not consider them 'friends'.
Personally, I believe America culture is structured in such a way that it breeds a sub segment of society that become and remain friendless for most of their adult lives. This belief leads me to ask the question:
Is it normal for an Adult to have NO Friends?
If you mean is it healthy, no, it's not normal for adults to have no friends. Humans are social creatures that benefit immensely from a sense of community and belonging. Even the most introverted need good friends to have by their side, with the side effects of being alone including lots of mental disorders such as depression and anxiety.
Overall though, I find it difficult in American culture to MAKE and REMAIN friends with people as an adult. I am a mildly introverted 28yo and have not had any friends since high school. I commuted during college and now working professionally I have only made good acquaintances, but no real friends. Actually, made one good friend in Texas while I lived there, but then he moved 6 months after meeting him... this is just one example how fragile adult friendships can be. A lot of this has been situational... In college I commuted and never had the opportunity to click like the kids in the dorms did. In work I have mostly worked with older colleagues (late 40s and older), we have a generation between us and it shows. Great to chat with, but not someone I see myself being a great friend with, we're just in such different parts of life due to the age difference.
But yea, not having friends is something that really bugs me, and I know I am miserable not having a good friend, but it's hard as an adult making friends. People are so concerned with their own stuff these days, and everyone is moving a mile a minute. People relocate, people have spouses and children, people have financial troubles. A lot of people don't want to be bothered with the ups and downs of a real friendship and won't even bother with it.
Hoping to make some friends in my 30s at least....
Your kinda like me,people these days seem fake and I havent found a person on my level yet to hang around,I did meet this really cool girl,she is beatiful and smart.I hope it works well between us..
If you mean is it healthy, no, it's not normal for adults to have no friends. Humans are social creatures that benefit immensely from a sense of community and belonging. Even the most introverted need good friends to have by their side, with the side effects of being alone including lots of mental disorders such as depression and anxiety.
Overall though, I find it difficult in American culture to MAKE and REMAIN friends with people as an adult. I am a mildly introverted 28yo and have not had any friends since high school. I commuted during college and now working professionally I have only made good acquaintances, but no real friends. Actually, made one good friend in Texas while I lived there, but then he moved 6 months after meeting him... this is just one example how fragile adult friendships can be. A lot of this has been situational... In college I commuted and never had the opportunity to click like the kids in the dorms did. In work I have mostly worked with older colleagues (late 40s and older), we have a generation between us and it shows. Great to chat with, but not someone I see myself being a great friend with, we're just in such different parts of life due to the age difference.
But yea, not having friends is something that really bugs me, and I know I am miserable not having a good friend, but it's hard as an adult making friends. People are so concerned with their own stuff these days, and everyone is moving a mile a minute. People relocate, people have spouses and children, people have financial troubles. A lot of people don't want to be bothered with the ups and downs of a real friendship and won't even bother with it.
Hoping to make some friends in my 30s at least....
But, he should still be your friend regardless of the move. Friendship doesn't stop at state lines.
A friend? of 20 some yrs (mile away) was unable to take me to the ER. Another friend dropped car off at my door with the key in the Ignition on my need to cross the border when my own car was broken down. Sadly he has passed away year and a half ago. Now I don't have anyone of substance if in a pinch so am doing what I can.
Words are useless unless a person follows thru friends or not.
There is a great pull in some people (me included) toward the idea of living in a world without deep attachments to people. What is the point when people will move at the drop of a hat for a job or just to try something else?
The story that always comes to mind is that of Nikola Tesla, the great Croatian born inventor. Many people thought he was a virgin when he died at the age of 86. His life was busy with building the machinery necessary for the electrification of the world.
In his 60s he became obsessed with a pigeon he would routinely feed and grew attached to. He told the story of how one day it flew into his window to "let him know she was ill" and it died in his hands. It was such an emotional blow that he knew that his days of inventing were over. That is one of the saddest stories I can imagine. One of the biggest minds of the century had the emotional age of a pre-teen.
This to me illustrates that human beings are hard-wired to want to LOVE something, someone. You can try to suppress this innate need, but it will come out eventually. Without knowing anything about your circumstances it's clear that you are searching for something. Whatever you're going through is temporary. You have to suffer for a while in order to grow. Along the way, just be nice to people and you'll find that 6 months or a year from now things are looking a little less bleak.
Last edited by A1eutian; 06-28-2016 at 07:43 PM..
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