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As a retired person, I have lots of time on my hands so I have been going to lots of special interest classes put on by the Adult Education Programs at the local Public School and Community College. The teachers and classes have been great, but the students, not so much.
The students are a wide variety of ages, anything from 25-75. They signed up for the class because it was a topic that interested them. (Art, music, computers, public speaking, cooking, foreign language, travel, etc.)
I thought it would be a great chance to learn about the topics above and socialize too.
Though what has been just shocking is how shy, withdrawn and timid the students are. People now days seem to be afraid to speak and communicate with each other. The Instructors will ask everyone to introduce each other at the start of class and speak up and give their thoughts about the topics being discussed. Rarely will anyone say anything. They just sit there. If they do talk, it is only because the teacher calls on them and they seem defensive that they are being asked to participate. I have been impressed with the teachers who try to make it as comfortable as possible for the students to participate. They give lots of positive reinforcement to the students when they do speak. The instructors do their best to create a supportive environment in class.
Another thing that is shocking is how limited the small talk is between students before and after class and during the breaks. No one seems at all interested in talking to each other and making personal connections.
Most will just retreat to their Smartphones.
How sad, how very sad!
Last edited by Money Guru; 09-15-2016 at 06:54 AM..
Many people these days have grown used to communicating through email and texting and do not have face to face social skills. My nephew texts constantly with his friends but he hardly ever sees them in person.
I've also talked to young people who think they should be able to text for a job interview. They don't want to see the interviewer in person.
I am not retired, but have taken a few of these classes and have noticed the same. Since my primary job at the moment is caregiving, I have a sporadic and varied "free time" schedule, so I usually spend it in solitude - walking the dogs,reading, or on the computer.
I am planning to relocate in the next year, and have given a lot of thought as to how I will meet people to socialize with. In looking at the times in my life where I was able to make new friends as an adult,and it primarily revolved around work! So my plan is to get a job in a larger environment where the chances are greater of meeting people. (no solitary work/ more employees than 5) - I have found that the type of work does not matter as much, I have made friends at the corporate level, as well as at the retail level...
People always suggest volunteering - and I agree that it is a worthy and "good for the soul" thing to do, but if the greater objective is to meet people, the cause would have to be picked carefully. I have volunteered at churches and schools for many years, and feel good about my contributions, and felt appreciated, but have not made ONE friend to chat or spend time with....
As you can probably tell, I go on these boards when I have some random free time as well! I research, comment or help where I can, but in no way does technology replace face to face contact.
You may not be ready for this, but I DO go to my town's "senior center" for lunch, bingo, activities, etc as a caregiver. Although my senior has dementia, I have had great conversations with other seniors there - there are all levels of retirees. The more active ones even go on trips, have separate clubs, and talks...when my age gets there, I wouldn't hesitate to participate...
If you are on a break from one of those classes in the future, and want to go on city data on your smartphone, post again - I will look for you - then you can look like all the other young people glued to their phones LOL
Yes, the younger people are the worst but the middle aged older people at these classes are also painfully shy and uncommunicative.
I suspect that it is something about our society today where so many folks have been burned by people for having a personality so they become uncomfortable with interaction and just withdraw to close friends and family.
Last edited by Money Guru; 09-15-2016 at 08:16 AM..
I think many people are afraid to talk to strangers or speak up in class because our society is always judging each other and watching for people who say things that are not politically correct. I remember one talkative woman who actually added lots of value to the class discussions. During the break one of the mute students told me that that woman was weird.
I think many people are afraid to talk to strangers or speak up in class because our society is always judging each other and watching for people who say things that are not politically correct. I remember one talkative woman who actually added lots of value to the class discussions. During the break one of the mute students told me that that woman was weird.
Everything around us is no negative, anymore, no one wants to express an opinion, in person, without feeling like they will be rejected.
I'm not one to say mainstream media is at fault, but it's difficult to ignore the shows that have become popular over the years and the messages they are sending. It started with Survivor, Big Brother, Cops, etc. What is it we watch, anymore, who celebrates people who express an opinion? Typically, they are shouted down and ostracized. Meanwhile, ratings go up because we like to tune in to controversy.
Maybe that is an interesting discussion point for your class...
ETA: City Data is a good example of this, btw. Although the title is "City Data", the most visited forums, in order are:
"Politics and Other Controversies"
"Relationships"
"Entertainment and the Arts", of which TV has the most posts.
As a retired person, I have lots of time on my hands so I have been going to lots of special interest classes put on by the Adult Education Programs at the local Public School and Community College. The teachers and classes have been great, but the students, not so much.
The students are a wide variety of ages, anything from 25-75. They signed up for the class because it was a topic that interested them. (Art, music, computers, public speaking, cooking, foreign language, travel, etc.)
I thought it would be a great chance to learn about the topics above and socialize too.
Though what has been just shocking is how shy, withdrawn and timid the students are. People now days seem to be afraid to speak and communicate with each other. The Instructors will ask everyone to introduce each other at the start of class and speak up and give their thoughts about the topics being discussed. Rarely will anyone say anything. They just sit there. If they do talk, it is only because the teacher calls on them and they seem defensive that they are being asked to participate. I have been impressed with the teachers who try to make it as comfortable as possible for the students to participate. They give lots of positive reinforcement to the students when they do speak. The instructors do their best to create a supportive environment in class.
Another thing that is shocking is how limited the small talk is between students before and after class and during the breaks. No one seems at all interested in talking to each other and making personal connections.
Most will just retreat to their Smartphones.
How sad, how very sad!
I'm not sure you can make the inference about "most people" based on your experiences of the particular people in these particular classes. They may not be representative of "most people" out there.
For example, I attended a couple of local adult ed classes, and there were people in there who just couldn't seem to shut up. I kind of wished it was a quiet group who would just sit and pay attention to the instructor. I also attend a lot of professional seminars in the mental health field, and there are, again, people who speak up a lot, some too much, and people who ask so many questions or start so many discussions that we never get to everything that's on the agenda.
Back when I was in grad school, (late 90s) it was similar. I'd be thinking "I'm paying so much for this course only to hear classmates talk when I really want to hear this professor."
I tend to be a pretty extreme introvert, not the socially anxious/shy type, but the type who prefers to quietly listen, learn and think rather than talk. We've had lots of threads here in which introverts like me, complain, like me, that in classroom settings everything seems to get dominated by the talkative attention-seeking extravert types. So again, your population sample may not be representative of the population as a whole.
It could be that a lot of adult ed classes get attended by people who are shy to begin with, since attending adult ed is a very common piece of advice given to shy or isolated people who want to have more interaction. Shy people tend to find a classroom learning experience with lots of one-way communication more comfortable than a "meet-up" situation in which more back and forth is required. Signing up for adult ed classes has been the kind of "homework" I've assigned to many mental health clients over the years. So it could be that many in your class are there because someone has advised them it would be "therapeutic."
Maybe try something like those Saturday fix-it type classes at the home improvement center or some other active more noisy activity classes. Try a dancing class.
Do you try to start conversations?
Maybe it is the part of the country you live in or size of community where people tend to not engage with others.
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