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(Made up names) Our daughter (Julie) and her fiancee (Roy) live together and are both gainfully employed and in their early twenties. They met in art school and have been together for years. I don't know if it's an art school or hipster thing but their personal hygiene is gross, especially her fiancee. He bathes maybe twice (?) a week and wears the same clothes 4-5 times before laundry is done. Even after he bathes he puts on dirty clothes. Their excuses for not doing laundry more often were they were poor and the machines in the building were always broken. I remember being a broke undergraduate/graduate student but always made sure I did my laundry and took a shower every day.
My wife has talked to our daughter about personal hygiene forever!!! While growing up, Julie would become engrossed in her drawing/painting/whatever and forget to take a nightly bath unless reminded even in high school. While visiting home on break from art school, we'd gently remind her to take a shower. She was compliant and as of late, been much better about not smelling up the house when she comes to visit.
When we go visit them (a several hour drive to the other side of the state) Roy just stinks. I can't stand it. I can't stand going in their apartment because it reeks of dirty laundry. Interestingly, their apartment is not cluttered, it's fairly neat, there's some cat hair compliments of their cat. But their bedroom is a mess of dirty laundry every time we visit.
We taught her to do her laundry when she was 10 or 11. From that time, she was responsible (as was her older sister) for doing her own laundry.
Now, as the holidays are approaching, we're going to be making plans for family to visit or us going to visit family. As much as I don't want to say it, I really don't want Julie and Roy to stay with us for several days or even a couple of days, if he doesn't bathe.
I really love these kids! They're brilliant and talented - I love Skyping with them because I can see and talk to them without having to smell Roy's awful body odor.
I'm trying to put myself in his shoes and imagine what it would feel like if his future parents in laws say to him, "Please take a shower and wear clean clothes before you visit us" or "It's really hard for me to visit you at your apartment anymore because it reeks of dirty laundry."
FYI - don't tell me to "man up" or talk to Roy "man to man" because I'm a woman legally married to my wife. My wife is the bio mom and I came into the picture when the girls were 7 & 9 years old.
You know, I think I'd just say what you feel. You love these kids, and they probably know that, so just tell them. Start off by telling them you love them, then tell them what the problem is and ask them to help you find a solution. Tell them what you would like to have happen and ask them if they can accommodate your request.
This problem isn't going to solve itself, so you and your wife are going to have to take the first step.
Just tell them. But you're going to have to decide what will happen if they cannot or will not comply. You'll have to tell them about that, too. For anything to change, you're going to have to have this conversation.
There's probably a bit of nose blindness going on, so they might not even notice the smell. If you wanted to drop a passive hint about it, I'd give them a gift of a laundry basket with soap, dryer sheets, laundry bags, quarters if they use machines, etc. Frame it as "we've noticed that you sometimes have laundry piled around, thought this would help!"
Yes talk to them but realize that improved hygiene may not entirely cure the problem. It may also but it's their business to make that change, you can lead the horse to water kind of thing.
My DH has nuclear sweat. He showers regularly, uses deodorant and we've tried many over the years but if he does any kind of manual labor, he pits out. I've gotten used to it but I'm sure others feel that it is a deficiency of cleanliness which isn't the case. His doctor says that he's healthy and there is no reason for concern so we let it go.
Pick your battles if they decide that this isn't your concern.
(Made up names) Our daughter (Julie) and her fiancee (Roy) live together and are both gainfully employed and in their early twenties. They met in art school and have been together for years. I don't know if it's an art school or hipster thing but their personal hygiene is gross, especially her fiancee. He bathes maybe twice (?) a week and wears the same clothes 4-5 times before laundry is done. Even after he bathes he puts on dirty clothes. Their excuses for not doing laundry more often were they were poor and the machines in the building were always broken. I remember being a broke undergraduate/graduate student but always made sure I did my laundry and took a shower every day.
My wife has talked to our daughter about personal hygiene forever!!! While growing up, Julie would become engrossed in her drawing/painting/whatever and forget to take a nightly bath unless reminded even in high school. While visiting home on break from art school, we'd gently remind her to take a shower. She was compliant and as of late, been much better about not smelling up the house when she comes to visit.
When we go visit them (a several hour drive to the other side of the state) Roy just stinks. I can't stand it. I can't stand going in their apartment because it reeks of dirty laundry. Interestingly, their apartment is not cluttered, it's fairly neat, there's some cat hair compliments of their cat. But their bedroom is a mess of dirty laundry every time we visit.
We taught her to do her laundry when she was 10 or 11. From that time, she was responsible (as was her older sister) for doing her own laundry.
Now, as the holidays are approaching, we're going to be making plans for family to visit or us going to visit family. As much as I don't want to say it, I really don't want Julie and Roy to stay with us for several days or even a couple of days, if he doesn't bathe.
I really love these kids! They're brilliant and talented - I love Skyping with them because I can see and talk to them without having to smell Roy's awful body odor.
I'm trying to put myself in his shoes and imagine what it would feel like if his future parents in laws say to him, "Please take a shower and wear clean clothes before you visit us" or "It's really hard for me to visit you at your apartment anymore because it reeks of dirty laundry."
FYI - don't tell me to "man up" or talk to Roy "man to man" because I'm a woman legally married to my wife. My wife is the bio mom and I came into the picture when the girls were 7 & 9 years old.
Why not have your wife talk to Julie and let her know that it is expected that BOTH she and Roy shower daily while visiting. And that she also expect them to wear clean clothes each day. Julie should be the one to pass this on to Roy not his MIL. Then it just becomes a "rule of the house" situation.
[quote=How To Deal;45729524](Made up names) Our daughter (Julie) and her fiancee (Roy) live together and are both gainfully employed and in their early twenties. They met in art school and have been together for years. I don't know if it's an art school or hipster thing but their personal hygiene is gross, especially her fiancee. He bathes maybe twice (?) a week and wears the same clothes 4-5 times before laundry is done. Even after he bathes he puts on dirty clothes. Their excuses for not doing laundry more often were they were poor and the machines in the building were always broken. I remember being a broke undergraduate/graduate student but always made sure I did my laundry and took a shower every day.
My wife has talked to our daughter about personal hygiene forever!!! While growing up, Julie would become engrossed in her drawing/painting/whatever and forget to take a nightly bath unless reminded even in high school. While visiting home on break from art school, we'd gently remind her to take a shower. She was compliant and as of late, been much better about not smelling up the house when she comes to visit.
When we go visit them (a several hour drive to the other side of the state) Roy just stinks. I can't stand it. I can't stand going in their apartment because it reeks of dirty laundry. Interestingly, their apartment is not cluttered, it's fairly neat, there's some cat hair compliments of their cat. But their bedroom is a mess of dirty laundry every time we visit.
We taught her to do her laundry when she was 10 or 11. From that time, she was responsible (as was her older sister) for doing her own laundry.
Now, as the holidays are approaching, we're going to be making plans for family to visit or us going to visit family. As much as I don't want to say it, I really don't want Julie and Roy to stay with us for several days or even a couple of days, if he doesn't bathe.
I really love these kids! They're brilliant and talented - I love Skyping with them because I can see and talk to them without having to smell Roy's awful body odor.
I'm trying to put myself in his shoes and imagine what it would feel like if his future parents in laws say to him, "Please take a shower and wear clean clothes before you visit us" or "It's really hard for me to visit you at your apartment anymore because it reeks of dirty laundry."
FYI - don't tell me to "man up" or talk to Roy "man to man" because I'm a woman legally married to my wife. My wife is the bio mom and I came into the picture when the girls were 7 & 9 years old.[/QUOTE]
The bolded parts.
This has been an issue for years and it should have been addressed years ago with some professional help, including the family doctor.
The two of you chose to do nothing about it other than gentle reminders. Now you're worried about it?
And it doesn't matter what your sex is to tell someone they have hygiene issues.
You and the mother should have addressed this years ago.
Kind of like letting a teen eat candy and not brush their teeth, now you're worried that at age 23 they need dentures.
As much as I don't want to say it, I really don't want Julie and Roy to stay with us for several days or even a couple of days, if he doesn't bathe.
Then don't invite them, and don't go stay with them. Send them their gifts, or go for a couple hours and stay in a hotel somewhere nearby.
If it comes up in conversation, I'd say (without being mean) something along the lines of, "I love you, but I'm just not a fan of your personal hygiene habits and I'd rather [not stay] or [stay at home] this year."
The OP post is what doesn't pass the "smell test". It's a joke post.
Nobody who bathes twice a week, is going to smell THAT bad. And as the father of two daughters, I can tell you that it's rare to find a teenage girl who isn't meticulous about her hygiene. Our two almost drove me nuts over throwing out the soaps and shampoos that the wife would buy. Not good enough!
If the OP isn't a joke post (I say it is....) then "How To Deal" is obsessed with cleanliness and fresh-smelling to the point of unnaturalness. HE (not she) is just having a good time at our expense.
OP I feel your pain, I have the same problem, but with my husband's parents. They tend to only bathe once at the most, and sometimes not at all, when visiting us. We don't visit them at their house, my husband knows why and understands.
The thing is there is no polite way to bring this up. Either it bothers you enough to risk making them feel uncomfortable during every future meeting (are we clean enough? Does she think we smell!), or you can find a way to live with it (I have air fresheners plugged in everywhere when they visit, even in the car, and the sofas are stripped and cleaned after they've gone).
If it isn't hurting them professionally, or personally (no nasty skin infections etc), then it's really only you that has a problem with it. It sounded to me like you are more concerned with what your other family will think, and how it might reflect on you (and I share this problem, I am embarrassed by them and don't take them to meet my friends etc). Hopefully none of your other family are impolite enough to actually mention this to you, and will realize the same, that it is not hurting them and is really nobody else's business.
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Their excuses for not doing laundry more often were they were poor and the machines in the building were always broken. I remember being a broke undergraduate/graduate student but always made sure I did my laundry and took a shower every day. 
