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"Im trying to think of ways to fix this because I would love to keep her and her family in my life as I consider them basically like family. Btw I am a very non-confrontational person."
This is how the OP ended her post. It sounds to me like she is trying to salvage something that is or once was of value to her. My advice was predicated on the OP's self description as non-confrontational. Only the OP can know here what is of value from any of us. She may never come back on and tell us which is the habit of first time posters. I'm not going to get into a disagreement over my post. It was very specific to the OP's situation as described. I stand by it.
You know what? Most people who have learned to speak up for themselves were once all doormats.
I was. The advice above you was good, you say "sorry, I can't", with no details. The minute you give details with the pushy types they counteract what you're saying.
The OP gave no details as to what benefit she gets from this woman. But certainly goes into detail about how she babysits for free, drives her long distances, etc.
Perhaps the OP didn't have a mother who was a good mother, and for that I am sorry.
But find people where there is an equal exchange.
You can't go through life letting people take advantage of you.
I can only see this situation as getting worse and worse as she takes you even more for granted.
I had a "friend" like this who always wanted me to drive her to lunches/dinners/meetings, usually combined with errands, and she lived quite a distance from me. There was nothing wrong with her driving abilities. The red flag went up when she stopped asking and starting just inquiring what time I would be picking her up. I started to cheerfully say I would be meeting her at the restaurant (or whatever) - no excuse given. When she pressed, I simply said I could not drive her back and forth and repeated I would see her there.
I never said "sorry" as I wasn't doing anything wrong and it sounded regretful, which I wasn't. She tried to bum rides from others, all of whom also resisted. Eventually she drove herself or her retired husband did.
Free babysitting is off the table unless it is a reciprocal arrangement - words of advice don't pay for your time.
That's the way you do it.
Once you start in with an excuse they find a way to "solve it" for you.....LOL.
I know, I learned the hard way "sorry, can't do it".....and no more.
No one deserves to be used and taken advantage of. Speak up and let your feelings be heard. On here, in a public forum, nothing will get accomplished.
Good luck
The relationship you are describing sounds weird. If she is mentor, kind of like your mom, she should be much older. Yet how does she have small kids that need babysitting.
so she's not that old, yet you placed her on a pedestal. Get her down!
A real friend does not expect you to do things. You can find here honest advice. Start by saying no to her. Don't be weak and intimidating. She is using you.
Im trying to think of ways to fix this because I would love to keep her and her family in my life as I consider them basically like family. Btw I am a very non-confrontational person.
Isn't it possible that she considers you basically like family, too? Maybe these things she wants you to do (give her rides, watch her kids) are things she would ask of her own daughter.
Perhaps like an adult daughter, you should set some boundaries. But if what you say is true, there's no need to cut her off entirely. Nor does it make her a "taker."
Isn't it possible that she considers you basically like family, too? Maybe these things she wants you to do (give her rides, watch her kids) are things she would ask of her own daughter.
Perhaps like an adult daughter, you should set some boundaries. But if what you say is true, there's no need to cut her off entirely. Nor does it make her a "taker."
OP won't have to cut her off, probably the first time she speaks up and says "sorry, I can't" will most likely be the end to this "friendship". That's what happens with these people who always need favors. You can oblige them 9 times, but if on the 10th time you can't or won't, you're the bad guy.
And it takes awhile (if you're sincere about it) to start considering people family. The OP was never clear on how long she knows this woman, but I bet it's not too long.
This is a user. If she gets a "tude" when the OP can't meet the latest request, she will be in the wind. The good news is the OP knows and also knows next time to be more selective.
Have gone through any number of " friends " who were just taking advantage of me. Not really worth getting into the details as I don't like to remember being a doormat way back in my twenties.
Once I decided I was no longer going to be taken advantage of a fair number of these people removed themselves from my life. I no longer served a purpose.
I really do hope you will see what is happening to you in this relationship and say " enough! ". The world is filled with people who search out those they can boss around. Sadly, one of these people found you and think nothing of ordering you around. This isn't friendship and it isn't respect.
Good Luck!
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