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He is 28 and has been independent for the past 6 years. We have always had what we thought was a very good loving relationship with him. He has always know he could come to us when there was a problem or he just needed to talk. The past 3 months have been kind of tough for him. He broke up with his five year girlfriend, but seemed to be moving on. Recently he moved in to a new apartment and said things were going really well.
All of that came to a crashing halt this past weekend. He went out drinking with a friend this past Saturday and from that point on it was a string of bad horrible decisions. I don't want to get into details but, his decisions could have killed him that night. He called us after the fact because he was stranded and needed a ride. He was pretty drunk, very combative with us and any suggestions we offered. We have always had a standing policy that if started drinking to call and we would come get him no questions asked and no lectures.
I know a lot of what happened was a result of the drinking but we are both ashamed of him for his decision to drink that night and the other bad choices that followed. I think what hurts the most was his altitude towards us. We are having a really hard time dealing with the son we saw that night. Of course he says it was a one time thing and it's never going to happen again. We are so thankful that we didn't lose him that night but, we can't stop thinking what happens the next time he drinks. We are mad as hell but, we are scared ****less. I don't see how we will ever trust his judgement again or have the same respect that we had for him. We are at a loss as to where we go from here.
He is 28 and has been independent for the past 6 years. We have always had what we thought was a very good loving relationship with him. He has always know he could come to us when there was a problem or he just needed to talk. The past 3 months have been kind of tough for him. He broke up with his five year girlfriend, but seemed to be moving on. Recently he moved in to a new apartment and said things were going really well.
All of that came to a crashing halt this past weekend. He went out drinking with a friend this past Saturday and from that point on it was a string of bad horrible decisions. I don't want to get into details but, his decisions could have killed him that night. He called us after the fact because he was stranded and needed a ride. He was pretty drunk, very combative with us and any suggestions we offered. We have always had a standing policy that if started drinking to call and we would come get him no questions asked and no lectures.
I know a lot of what happened was a result of the drinking but we are both ashamed of him for his decision to drink that night and the other bad choices that followed. I think what hurts the most was his altitude towards us. We are having a really hard time dealing with the son we saw that night. Of course he says it was a one time thing and it's never going to happen again. We are so thankful that we didn't lose him that night but, we can't stop thinking what happens the next time he drinks. We are mad as hell but, we are scared . I don't see how we will ever trust his judgement again or have the same respect that we had for him. We are at a loss as to where we go from here.
His bad attitude was from being drunk, lots of drunk people have bad nasty attitudes, and act and say outrageous things. Well, your son is an adult and all you can really do is talk to him about the consequences of drinking and driving. Sounds like you have already done that. You can put him out, but that wont stop the drinking and you probably would worry even more about him. I believe cooler heads will prevail, support your son and continue to love him. People make mistakes, you live and learn and move on. Perhaps there are underlying issues that you are not aware of. Good luck
Last edited by Miss Blue; 11-23-2016 at 05:24 AM..
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,730,129 times
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I think the best thing that may come from this is that it may scare your son that he will want to make the right decisions. I had an ER room stay after unknowingly taking high doses of THC after a point I was super depressed and wanted to get wasted. The experience was a nightmare and it got my attention to the fact I was lucky it was only THC and not something else that could have killed me. Since then I was more serious about work and life in general and wanted to make every positive decision I could to forget about making a stupid one.
I actually think the thing to do would be to expect him to make right decisions. I tend to think once you get into adulthood, you work up to the level you are expected to. If you have low expectations of him, he will reach those expectations and nothing more, expect a lot of him he will KD everything to get to that level.
He called you to come get him so apparently he made some good decisions after getting trashed, and it really doesn't sound like he makes a habit of this. He was probably embarrassed to be calling his parents at almost 30. And he was probably irritated because your penchant for drama and borrowing trouble had him on edge already. If you showed up already clutching your pearls and he was pretty drunk, crankiness seems like the logical outcome.
It's good he can call you for a ride, but it's time to step way the heck back from your son. You're done parenting, and it's time to get a grip and get some hobbies to boot. The pressure on the children of high-anxiety people is pretty intense and it will damage your relationship with him, no doubt about it.
I would have gone to any length to hide that from my parents, much less call them to bail me out. They'd both beat me, even at 28.
Yeah, he's an adult, but he will always be your kid. He needs a gut check, but you won't get good advice over a BBS. There is something seriously wrong with his life.
He scared you and probably scared himself. At 28 and living on his own, you have no say over the matter. Don't harp on and on about how disappointed you are in him. Just tell him he'd better make better choices and leave it at that.
Hopefully, he's learned his lesson.
Re post #8: Baghead's last sentence:
Quote:
There is something seriously wrong with his life.
I SO disagree. Your son has been through a breakup. There's nothing seriously wrong with his life. He'll get through this.
He scared you and probably scared himself. At 28 and living on his own, you have no say over the matter. Don't harp on and on about how disappointed you are in him. Just tell him he'd better make better choices and leave it at that.
Hopefully, he's learned his lesson.
I agree. He made a mistake. Move on.
I bet that you made a few mistakes when you were younger, too. But, you learned from them and continued living your life.
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