Your "I'm Alone on the Holidays" Thread (person, member, children)
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I notice you didn't answer why you're going to be alone.
Where did I say I was alone by choice? I didn't. I said I moved from CA to Portland, OR a couple of months before the holiday season. I wasn't thrilled spending Christmas alone, TBH it was awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but that's how it worked out.
I asked the OP why are they going to be alone, that's all.
In regards to your situation, you sound like you're certainly healthy enough to travel, if your relatives can't make it to you, than you can go to them.
I wouldn't expect people with health issues to be able to make the invitation you extended.
I never tagged anybody with any labels, I simply asked why do they find themselves alone, that's all.
You previously stated that you chose to make the move to a city where you realized you would be alone. That's a choice.
I cannot travel far and get home in time to travel again immediately after Christmas, post-Christmas travel which is long-planned and which I do not want to miss and which will involve being with good friends.
In previous years, I certainly have traveled to be with my extended family - but cannot invite myself to visit them. The relative I have visited most in recent years may not have room for me this year, due to a move. That relative has been repeatedly invited to visit me over the last 15 or so years, but has never done so. He is in good health and travels out of the country frequently. No idea why he won't come here, as we are on excellent terms.
Can you offer anything positive to this thread? I am sure others reading here would welcome it. Projecting that those who are alone, not by choice, during the holidays must have some personality problem which causes their situation is not helpful or kind - or in most cases, very likely.
Let me rephrase this: who is going to BE ALONE on the holidays; that means without an S.O., without friends, without the option of being with your mother, which you're declining. What part of "alone" don't people on City Data understand?
- why are you being SO negative about "alone?" During holidays especially, "alone" just might mean something different to others. You want "ideas" and then negate every anything anyone suggests.
I know some older couples who, even with the two of them in the same place feel "Alone" because their children/grandchildren, etc. are NOWHERE NEAR (geographically, emotionally or whatever)
We all know folks who, even in a house FULL, still seem to be alone. Emotionally
There are others who ARE actually alone...for various reasons. Not welcome anywhere, by anybody. True, this is sad.
If you want to be part of a group but have had no takers....plan something on yur own & INVITE OTHERS of like mind & situation. It is probably too late to plan anything for Thanksgiving, but you could get started on Christmas. Start your own "new tradition." On any given day, most others have enough on their own plates to worry over without taking you on, too.
Last edited by roadhogHR; 11-23-2016 at 05:06 PM..
[quote=roadhogHR;46293766] - why are you being SO negative about "alone?" During holidays especially, "alone" just might mean something different to others. You want "ideas" and then negate every anything anyone suggests.
I know some older couples who, even with the two of them in the same place feel "Alone" because their children/grandchildren, etc. are NOWHERE NEAR (geographically, emotionally or whatever)
We all know folks who, even in a house FULL, still seem to be alone. Emotionally
There are others who ARE actually alone...for various reasons. Not welcome anywhere, by anybody. True, this is sad.
If you want to be part of a group but have had no takers....plan something on yur own & INVITE OTHERS of like mind & situation. It is probably too late to plan anything for Thanksgiving, but you could get started on Christmas. Start your own "new tradition." On any given day, most others have enough on their own plates to worry over without taking you on, too.[/QUOTE]
Well, aren't you just filled with consideration and holiday spirit.
This thread is not for lonely couples or those who are alone by choice. It's for those who've had solitude imposed on them by life-events not of their own choice.
Not everyone is in a position to travel or to throw a huge big Christmas dinner all by themselves, for logistical or physical reasons. But most would enjoy being with others - and welcomed! - for a least part of Christmas Day, and would gladly do their part, bringing snacks or a casserole or a musical instrument if caroling seems like a good idea, or a small gift or whatever.
But alas, you tell us that most others have enough on their own plates to bother. Gee, thanks for clarifying that; I'm sure that will do a lot to lift everyone's spirits.
For the record, after I was alone and sick two years ago, I threw a farewell to Christmas party a couple of weeks later, and everyone had a good time. Yet none of the guests - 20 or so guests - even inquired about my Christmas plans the following year. People can be very kind, or they can be very absorbed in their own worlds and very thoughtless of others as a result.
You previously stated that you chose to make the move to a city where you realized you would be alone. That's a choice.
I cannot travel far and get home in time to travel again immediately after Christmas, post-Christmas travel which is long-planned and which I do not want to miss and which will involve being with good friends.
In previous years, I certainly have traveled to be with my extended family - but cannot invite myself to visit them. The relative I have visited most in recent years may not have room for me this year, due to a move. That relative has been repeatedly invited to visit me over the last 15 or so years, but has never done so. He is in good health and travels out of the country frequently. No idea why he won't come here, as we are on excellent terms.
Can you offer anything positive to this thread? I am sure others reading here would welcome it. Projecting that those who are alone, not by choice, during the holidays must have some personality problem which causes their situation is not helpful or kind - or in most cases, very likely.
Yes, you're right. It was a choice to move to a new city. But it wasn't a choice to be alone at Christmas. Looking back I should have planned better.
Please do not put words in my mouth, I didn't say anything about someone having a personality problem. I merely asked why are they going to be alone, and gave my own personal example of how it happened to me.
The OP I know has issues with siblings, that happens, but if I remember correctly have lived in the same area for many years if not their whole life, so it's a valid question as to how this happened.
Yes, I can offer something positive. I do volunteer work, it's a great way to meet like minded people who have empathy for others. In fact one of the women who is older and lost her husband last year and whose daughter isn't coming down this year for Thanksgiving mentioned she would be alone, well another woman piped up and said "you're coming to my house".
You have to put yourself out there sometimes, people aren't mind readers.
And not sure what you mean about not being able to travel far and get home in time for Christmas, you can fly across the country in less than 6 hours. You just don't want to bothered, and that's OK as well.
Posted this last Thanksgiving ("Is Anyone Else Going to Be Alone?") and heard from some people who weren't going to be alone and apparently just wanted to gloat about that... But if anyone wants a forum for discussing being *actually* alone, here it is...
I'm going to be alone on the holidays, which is normal for me. If it bothers you, that is solely a function of societal peer pressure. In other words, just like people "feel" like they have to get something for their girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse on Valentine's Day, that's an entirely contrived and artificial feeling. Not to say that you shouldn't, but why do you care more about someone on Valentine's Day than, say, the week before Valentine's Day? Similarly, if you were alone a month ago and it didn't particularly make you feel like an outcast or loser, then why should it bother you on a random Thursday in November? The answer is solely because society portrays Thanksgiving as a time when houses are packed with like 20 people. But that's only because society is trying to sell you a feeling.
The sad part is many people get together on the holidays with family and basically hate it. They argue, they don't actually spend real time together, and they basically just went home so they could say they were at home with family. If you asked someone "did you go home for the holidays?" and they say "yes," then next ask them "what did you do with you father/mother?" and they'll say "uh, nothing" or "I realize I can't stand my family." But they'll still feel superior to someone who says they didn't go home for the holidays. Is that odd? It should be.
In actuality, if people love getting together with their family on the holidays so much, they should be doing it more than once a year. You may agree or disagree with me, that's just my opinion. I plan on watching television shows and football during Thanksgiving. I unfortunately am working on Christmas Eve this year, so that's basically a wash. (I don't do anything special on Christmas Eve, but it still is nice to be off because even though I don't decorate or anything, I still have a faint residual "Christmas feel" around that time of the year.)
I also find that people still do post a little on social media and forums during the holidays (usually to gripe about how terrible their visit home was), so there is also that if you actually feel lonely.
- why are you being SO negative about "alone?" During holidays especially, "alone" just might mean something different to others. You want "ideas" and then negate every anything anyone suggests.
I know some older couples who, even with the two of them in the same place feel "Alone" because their children/grandchildren, etc. are NOWHERE NEAR (geographically, emotionally or whatever)
We all know folks who, even in a house FULL, still seem to be alone. Emotionally
There are others who ARE actually alone...for various reasons. Not welcome anywhere, by anybody. True, this is sad.
If you want to be part of a group but have had no takers....plan something on yur own & INVITE OTHERS of like mind & situation. It is probably too late to plan anything for Thanksgiving, but you could get started on Christmas. Start your own "new tradition." On any given day, most others have enough on their own plates to worry over without taking you on, too.[/QUOTE]
Well, aren't you just filled with consideration and holiday spirit.
This thread is not for lonely couples or those who are alone by choice. It's for those who've had solitude imposed on them by choices not their own.
Not everyone is in a position to throw a huge big Christmas dinner all by themselves, for logistical or physical reasons. But most would enjoy being with others - and welcomed! - for a least part of Christmas Day, and would gladly do their part, bringing snacks or a casserole or a musical instrument if caroling seems like a good idea or a small gift or whatever.
But alas, you tell us that most others have enough on their own plates to bother. Gee, thanks for clarifying that; I'm sure that will do a lot to lift everyone's spirits.
However cheerless I may have come across.....In the end, the poster is still responsible for their own "holiday happy." If no one else gets around to inviting them.....then I guess they have even MORE to be unhappy about????? Alone, plus overlooked????? It is up to each of us to make our own lives better. Holidays included. (and I am thinking some of these folks need a lesson in "to have friends, you have to BE a friend," not just wait on someone else to do all the "friend work." I maintain that if alone & wanting to be involved.....invite others. Need not be a budget buster. (potluck anyone?)
Eh, "alone" on a holiday is pretty much like any other day as far as I'm concerned. I'm widowed, no kids, both parents deceased, and my two siblings are both in poor health and lives 1000s of miles away (plus I really don't talk to one of them.) I used to celebrate Thanksgiving with my neighbors across the street, but the wife is in very bad health now so that's gone by the way. Most of the people in my neighborhood have their own families to celebrate with - I don't begrudge or envy them; that's their time with their loved ones. I give the kittehs an extra treat and fix myself a nice meal, read a really good book, and work in the garden if the weather is decent (just completed Master Gardener training). I like to walk around the neighborhood and see the decorations people are putting up for Christmas, even though it's not my holiday (I like all the lights!). So basically I'm OK with the day and the season; it's nothing new for me to be alone and I've "adjusted" my expectations accordingly.
It's not actually possible to be alone on Christmas. For it to be Christmas, there have to be small children, visibly entranced by the lights on the tree, and shrieking while they open their presents. If you're alone, there aren't any children, and therefore it's not Christmas, and therefore you aren't alone on Christmas. But even when you're alone on Dec. 25, you always have your memories of real Christmases of the past. My favorite Christmas memories are when the tree lights were bigger, just big enough to be warm, but not big enough to be hot. They seemed like magic to me, and I just wanted to be near them, and touch them. I don't think there was ever a Christmas when I was too young to be entranced by those lights.
Well, I'm going to be alone - I have an invite (a huge family that adopted me and my late husband and that's the usual holiday if I don't go "home" which is a 6 hr. drive) - I had foot surgery and can't drive yet - they live in the "general" area but too far and nobody lives near me to pick me up and return me. I'll miss the folks for sure (and the turkey and all the yummies of course) - but trying to think positively (hoping someone will save me some leftovers)
It's not actually possible to be alone on Christmas. For it to be Christmas, there have to be small children, visibly entranced by the lights on the tree, and shrieking while they open their presents. If you're alone, there aren't any children, and therefore it's not Christmas, and therefore you aren't alone on Christmas. But even when you're alone on Dec. 25, you always have your memories of real Christmases of the past. My favorite Christmas memories are when the tree lights were bigger, just big enough to be warm, but not big enough to be hot. They seemed like magic to me, and I just wanted to be near them, and touch them. I don't think there was ever a Christmas when I was too young to be entranced by those lights.
Actually, Christmas is about Jesus, not about kids hanging around a tree. So it can be Christmas when you're alone, unless you're not religious, in which case it's not Christmas even if you're in the middle of 50 kids.
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- why are you being SO negative about "alone?" During holidays especially, "alone" just might mean something different to others. You want "ideas" and then negate every anything anyone suggests.
But if anyone wants a forum for discussing being *actually* alone, here it is... 
- they live in the "general" area but too far and nobody lives near me to pick me up and return me. I'll miss the folks for sure (and the turkey and all the yummies of course) - but trying to think positively (hoping someone will save me some leftovers)
