Are you glad you had children? (wife, husband, female, male)
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I love each of my four kids (26, 20, 19, & 16) and am so thankful I had them. Our oldest has thanked me multiple times for giving her so many siblings. Family is where it's at!
I can't imagine regretting having kids. What a strange question to ask. If you think you will regret having kids, then don't have them.
In 1994, I was starting a new job, and getting acquainted with co-workers, and a woman, who happened to have grandchildren asked me if I had kids, I said no, and she said "don't feel bad, you've spared yourself a lot of grief".
The kind who had children who drove a wedge into her marriage because her husband would never discipline them. The kind who has a 29 year old son who was a drug addict from 15-25 and even though he's clean has now chosen to drink heavily and drive without a license due to a DUI. The kind of person who is forced to live with him because he doesn't make enough money on SSDI to survive.
What kind of person would say that? The kind who loves her kids but realizes her life would have been so much better off without this particular son. The kind who feels she has a handicapped child because all he does is sit in his room all day smoking, drinking and watching TV. The kind that always wonders if I should have done more or should I have done less to help him.
What kind of a person would say that? The kind who has considered suicide on more than one occasion because all of this is too painful to watch and live through, who has become a widow and had to deal with cancer 8 months later. The kind that realizes she will never have any peace in her life and who, even on her death bed, is going to worry about this son because nobody and I mean nobody wants to deal with him or have him live with them. Right now in his room on the night table are 16 empty beer cans and liquor bottles along with overflowing ashtrays. He has spent the weekend with his female friend and his daughter. Oh yes, did I mention he has a daughter that I have to take care of most weekends because he is sleeping off his hangover?
So before people peg anybody who says they regret having children as some horrible person, think about what YOUR life would be like if you had a child who was a drug addict, a thief, a prostitute, a pedophile or any number of horrible things your child could have been. And it's not always the parents' fault. My son was the typical stupid 15 year old who thought he would be the exception that could use drugs and not get hooked. He learned the hard way. He had so much potential and he threw it all away. It brings me to tears just writing this because, as you know, I am a horrible person for even wishing for a moment that I didn't have kids.
I am so sorry you are going through that. Can you at least forbid him to smoke and drink in your house? We had those rules and the boys never crossed it but then they were pretty responsible.
Many boys take a loooong time to grow up. Your son may still make it. When you're not around, he'll have to.
Again, I am sorry you are going through this and you are not a terrible person. You are a mother who cares but doesn't know what to do. I would suggest you get into counseling to help you cope with this awful situation that your son has put you in.
Our kids are still under 10 but we still watch their old videos all the time. It will never get old - that's why we have 3 backup copies to make sure they will never be lost.
We converted ours to DVD's and have backup copies of those too.
Normal parents always want the best for their kids. And therefore it's not possible to really wish you never had them. Because, if your wish came true, they wouldn't exist. And that contradicts wanting the best for them.
This may sound strange but I have often thought that I have no right to regret anything that I have done or that has happened in my life up until the moment that my last child was conceived because if I had done anything differently they would not exist. I might still have kids but they would not be the same people. Every person is made up of one particular egg and the winner of a race between 200 million sperm. If I ever did even one thing in my life the slightest bit differently it is nearly inconceivable that the same exact egg and the same exact winning sperm would have joined together. Now that I am well past the point where my final child has been conceived(I think) I am allowed to have regrets but I'm happy to say I have none yet, at least as far as my kids are concerned. They're still young though.
When I explained my theory to my wife she said I might be right from a biological standpoint but that they'd still have the same souls. There's some merit to that argument but I'm sticking with my theory.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaisyMaeB
I love each of my four kids (26, 20, 19, & 16) and am so thankful I had them. Our oldest has thanked me multiple times for giving her so many siblings. Family is where it's at!
I can't imagine regretting having kids. What a strange question to ask. If you think you will regret having kids, then don't have them.
I don't think it's a strange question. There is still buyers remorse in play when it comes to procreating. Like any decision you make it is possible you will regret it but not be able to foresee it.
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