Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Here's the thing...we adore our adult children, and we are proud of them, since they are all productive and have high achieving children, but we don't enjoy spending much time with them. GASP, yes, it's true.
We raised a your's, mine, and ours family. We don't live near any of them, and when we visit, we can't wait to get home. I don't know how families who live close to each other do it.
We just returned from visiting the "ours", our son who is 33. He has a darling wife who we love, and he is a Green Beret soldier. So dad and I spent the weekend and followed them around to various activities, including two nights when they entertained different sets of friends at their house. They go 24/7 and have a revolving door of odd soldiers and other friends on the couch. Last night, I kid you not, some drunk Air Force guy peed on their couch.
I could give you a blow by blow of all the kids, but you get the idea.
Last weekend we were in FL, visiting old friends. Two out of their 3 kids live nearby. Their daughter lives in SanFrancisco, but their two sons live in FL. The one who is the father of their only grandchild, needs constant financial help, and their other son is healthy financially, but works from home and so will probably never meet a partner. He is so paranoid about Internet infiltrating his life (although he sells soft wear), and is so politically conservative, that he would need to cast a wide net to find someone.
Bottom line..I think I have a good family dynamic, and we're still messed up. Imagine how messed up other families are?
Mod comment: For clarification, I'm inserting OP's post, #14, here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts
I think I really expressed myself badly in my first post. I was still reeling from our rollicking visit. What I meant to ask is, Are you so set in your ways, and your own routine, that you can't enjoy visiting your adult children?
That is why I put it in the retirement category.
Here's the thing...we adore our adult children, and we are proud of them, since they are all productive and have high achieving children, but we don't enjoy spending much time with them. GASP, yes, it's true.
We raised a your's, mine, and ours family. We don't live near any of them, and when we visit, we can't wait to get home. I don't know how families who live close to each other do it.
We just returned from visiting the "ours", our son who is 33. He has a darling wife who we love, and he is a Green Beret soldier. So dad and I spent the weekend and followed them around to various activities, including two nights when they entertained different sets of friends at their house. They go 24/7 and have a revolving door of odd soldiers and other friends on the couch. Last night, I kid you not, some drunk Air Force guy peed on their couch.
I could give you a blow by blow of all the kids, but you get the idea.
Last weekend we were in FL, visiting old friends. Two out of their 3 kids live nearby. Their daughter lives in SanFrancisco, but their two sons live in FL. The one who is the father of their only grandchild, needs constant financial help, and their other son is healthy financially, but works from home and so will probably never meet a partner. He is so paranoid about Internet infiltrating his life (although he sells soft wear), and is so politically conservative, that he would need to cast a wide net to find someone.
Bottom line..I think I have a good family dynamic, and we're still messed up. Imagine how messed up other families are?
We are on the opposite side of the country from our daughter & her husband and absolutely dislike that.
Our son and his family are a little more than an hour away. That is FAR more preferable.
I grew up hearing my mother say "ill be glad when you kids are grown up and out of the house" ...that hurt. Now if i don't go visit often enough, she calls all upset wondering when i am coming over to visit......CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!
For some reason or another, we all ended up living anywhere from 5-15 minutes from our parents.
They had 4 children and from those 4 children, there were 12 grandchildren - all born within a 7 year span.
Their home was a gathering spot and I don't think I ever heard an argument about which grandchild was staying over when or who was taking care of who. My one sibling had our mother take care of her daughter quite often but eventually, because of my work schedule, I knew I needed someone to be at my home so I got that. I hired an older woman who was with our family for 20 years and really became part of the family.
In other words, my parents knew ALL their grandchildren and their grandchildren knew and loved them dearly.
My father made some poor financial decisions and I was the one (and my brother) being asked for help all the time but looking back, I find myself envious of what they had - not the money part but the closeness with all these children and grandchildren.
My mother especially left quite a legacy. Some of the grandchildren - having their own children - now - have named their own children after her.
In my own case, my own children are like so many 20-somethings - no children yet from them so no grandchildren for us!! (yet - I know that can change - it did in my own family - I can remember sitting at an Easter brunch in 1982 and we were all single - within 3 years, all married and having children of our own.
My parents are both gone now - my mom was 7 years older than my dad - my dad passed at 72; mom at 89. I miss them every day. They were very social people, well loved and missed.
All except one of ours are within 20 min from us. We see each other frequently, but don't just drop in without calling first. We don't know everything about each other's business and don't ask. We have BBQs etc together, but everybody has their own friends too. It seems to work out fine.
We would be delighted if our kids were closer instead of at the farthest corner of the country. They are in their 50s and financially better off than we are, so there are no money issues. Grand children are adults and on their own, doing well.
OP, I think that you feel that way because of how your children behave. If they were different you would enjoy their company more.
My only advice (as someone who is not yet in your age group or life situation) is to remember the grandkids. They need you. Especially if their parents have issues. Be there for your grandchildren. It is important that you have real relationships with them. You can fly the kids out to see you WITHOUT THEIR PARENTS. You can stay in touch with them on social media or on skype. You can text them a few times per week to tell them silly jokes or send them photos. If you are close to them, they will always remember the relationship. They need you.
I have a "lost soul" child who still looks to me to get/fund him out of trouble, which is occasionally still gets in, and it is MUCH easier to be 1000 miles away from him for that reason. I miss him, I feel guilty sometimes that I don't talk to him that much because when I do, I get sucked back into his vortex of problems. He doesn't have any children (that I know of) and I will be really upset if he does, because then I will be in a real pickle. Obviously I would want to be close to a grandchild -- it's just that he's too immature to have a child and can't even support himself. I just had to make a decision a few years back that I had to "detach with love", as they say.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I envy what my own parents had.....
