Was I really that horrible? (friendship, feel, person, member)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't know...this is very one sided. I could see from the other side that perhaps she didn't realize you didn't want her to talk about it, or she was very concerned about you or explaining to people what had been going on. Did you specifically ask her to not talk about what you were telling her?
Also, ghosting on a friend is pretty crap. So is just cutting a long term friend out of your life. I mean, if it was a pattern or she did something horrible. But from the post...it doesn't seem like its either of those things. It sounds like it is quite possible she has just been really worried about you.
I wish you had gone to her and asked her why she did that and explained you were upset. And then go from there. You didn't handle it well, in my opinion.
she had discussed my personal problems with other people. I pretty much cut her off
...
she has contacted most of my family members
...
told her not to talk to me again as she broke my trust and to stop contacting my relatives
...
she then messaged a couple of mutual friends
...
how would you deal with this?
I would block her from all social media, ask my friends and family to do the same, and if it continues, get a restraining order.
She sounds like she's a couple geese short a gaggle.
Anyway this happened around 6 months ago, since then she has
contacted most of my family members asking if I am ok,
even ones she has never met asking if they could they get me to contact her.
I didn't for a very long time.
My Sister told me last week that my old friend had contacted her 5 times in 6 days asking how I am, if I'm unwell again and will I contact her.
contacting my relatives prying and trying to get info out of them about me and what's going on with me.
If a good friend of mine just disappears on me, I would to the exact same. I would move mountaings to find him and make sure he is okay. Obviously she had no idea that you were healthy. You could have had an accident or a deadly disease or a psychosis, wandering the streets.
Yes, she broke your trust and deserved to get cut lose but ghosting on her even after you knew she is going around asking for you, was pretty crappy. She had no clue why you cut her off and rightfully assumed something was wrong with you.
You both don't sound like people I want to be friends with. Sorry, but that is my opinion. I would have told her right away or at least after I found out she is looking for me.
You also shot yourself in the knee by having your problems spread around when she kept asking for you and involved everybody else. If you are a coward, you could have just sent her a text "I am fine. Quit running around talking about me. Leave me alone. good bye"
Last edited by Miss Blue; 11-29-2016 at 08:19 AM..
It's hard to say without knowing the full story of what happened, but I think a lot of the problem lies in how you handled it (or didn't handle it, more accurately). You cut her off without telling her that she was cut off. She didn't even know anything was wrong. She was never given a chance to apologize or show remorse. So I can understand her reaction. She didn't know what was wrong. She was concerned about you.
If a good friend of mine just disappears on me, I would to the exact same. I would move mountaings to find him and make sure he is okay. Obviously she had no idea that you were healthy. You could have had an accident or a deadly disease or a psychosis, wandering the streets.
Yes, she broke your trust and deserved to get cut lose but ghosting on her even after you knew she is going around asking for you, was pretty crappy. She had no clue why you cut her off and rightfully assumed something was wrong with you.
You both don't sound like people I want to be friends with. Sorry, but that is my opinion. I would have told her right away or at least after I found out she is looking for me.
You also shot yourself in the knee by having your problems spread around when she kept asking for you and involved everybody else. If you are a coward, you could have just sent her a text "I am fine. Quit running around talking about me. Leave me alone. good bye"
We all have parameters which we live by, and sometimes people just don't fit within those guidelines. It is always hurtful to the other person who is dismissed, but, it is necessary. It's the way that it's handled that is important and I think you handled it with class and grace. I believe kindness is always best, especially when you know you will hurt the other persons feelings.
I do have one question though. Did you tell your friend not to tell anyone else about what's going on in your life? I have been in your friends shoes. One of our mutual friends whom she has known longer then I have had a mini stoke. I was told in confidence and sworn to secrecy. It's very difficult for me not to want to tell our mutual friend who also loves her like a sister, but, a promise is a promise. The secret would not be told out of some need to gossip, but out of concern for our dear friend who continues to live an unhealthy life style. Maybe your ex friend is as equally concerned about you? It makes for a very difficult situation to watch someone you love self destruct. She doesn't know that I know what happened to her, and she never will unless she decides to tell me herself.
If your friend was not sworn to secrecy, and if she was talked to others because she was genuinely concerned about you, then maybe you may want to think in another direction? I learned a very long time ago that if you don't want anything public, don't tell a single soul.
I had an old time friend who I didn't see or talk to a lot. I ended up "unloading" a bunch of my personal issues on him when I was 20 or so. He went right out and told my family. I was pissed. When I calmed down I confronted him and he said "hey, I am an open book. I had no idea you wanted those things secret, because I wouldn't care if other people talked about me like that. In the future, if you want something secret, tell me and I will keep it secret". I thought his attitude was a bit crappy but he did have a point.
Almost 20 years later we are great friends. He has never once told anyone anything I told him was private. We have become almost like family over the years because I learned I *can* trust him. I just need to use my words, not just my expectations.
I really do not like confrontation and that's how I deal with things (not that great I know).
You're choosing to live that way so your life will probably continue to be chaotic.
BTW how did Sherlock Holmes manage to contact your family members she never even met?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
