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Your wife should do what she feels is right. I have been there and have no regrets along with others that have posted. It really is between your wife and her family and not the business of anyone else until they "walk a mile in her shoes".
If your parents are cold to you and never show any emotion, you are not used to being emotional and open to them as you say good bye at their hospital bed.
You don't have to be emotional. You can simply be there in the moment. If the dying person wants to talk, he will. If he does not, he won't.
It sounds to me as if your wife is afraid of being with a dying person, or becoming emotional in front of her father. This is really sad, I think.
You will never have another father. What will it cost you (emotionally) to say goodbye?
Was this directed toward me? If so...
What would it cost me? Air fare from where I currently live - they live about 600 miles away. Time away from my wife. (they would not want her to come, and they are always rude and nasty towards her) time away from my work, having to be with people who detest my marriage and my wife, and have questioned the paternity of my sons - out of meanness, not out of actual suspicion - I have a son with red hair - red hair runs in both my family and my wife's...so what would it cost me?
What would it cost me? Air fare from where I currently live - they live about 600 miles away. Time away from my wife. (they would not want her to come, and they are always rude and nasty towards her) time away from my work, having to be with people who detest my marriage and my wife, and have questioned the paternity of my sons - out of meanness, not out of actual suspicion - I have a son with red hair - red hair runs in both my family and my wife's...so what would it cost me?
My wife's parents were always cold to her (and me). As an adult she made an effort to see them as little as possible. Each time she saw them on holidays she left the event depressed because they were so cold.
She has not seen them for a few years after coming up with excuses around the holidays.
Now she has found out her father has weeks to live. The thought of doing the long drive up to their home 500 miles away and saying good bye, after he brought her so much pain by his coldness, scares her. (How to show emotion and say good bye to someone you had such a cold distant relationship with.)
Did you say good bye to your cold and distant immediate family before they died, if you knew they only had a short term to live? How about ex husbands or wives?
This just reads a bit off to me. So you say your wife's parents are cold, but they are clearly extending invitations to visit them around holidays. Why would they do that if family get togethers are so depressing?
I think your post is missing a LOT of information.
I myself, can be thought of as cold. I'm an only child, I don't NEED conversation, and when I do engage in conversation, I'm not the type who can just babble on about whatever all day long. My conversations and dealings are generally short and to the point. I'm also not very emotional. I have feelings, of course, but I work through my feelings internally, and rarely feel the need to discuss any of them.
None of that however, means I'm not capable of enjoying seeing my family or friends, even if I may seem reserved or "cold."
I think both of you need to go. Your wife will need closure... I don't think you need to be a shrink to see that. If she has questions about why the relationship was like it was, now is the time to ask.
If she didn't go, she may have regrets later. So I think she should go just for her own sake afterwards in months and years to come.
It's also a big deal moment. So she will know, hey, I drove all the way to see him before he died. I did the right thing.
He may, in his weaker moments, be very sad about his coldness and all he missed,say,if he's in a facility and sees other families gathering with each other.
But, still, it should be about your wife's needs,including future needs.
My wife told me the exact same thing about my cold, detached, distant father, who had rarely been involved in my life ever. She said I should try to reach out to him more because he was 72 years old, and he was getting older, could die soon, and if I didn't and he died, I might regret it, blah, blah, blah. To that I responded, if my parent doesn't care enough about me to spend time with me and be there for me when they're 30, 40, 50, and 60, I have no regrets whatsoever about them dying alone, unloved by me, when they're 70, 80, or 90. And that's what will ultimately happen to my dad (if it hasn't already). If I were talking to your wife, I would say to her: The decision is up to you. But going to see him because "you might regret not doing it later" is a lousy reason to go, IMO. Go because YOU want to. You. Not your mother, your husband, your father, or anyone else. Do it for yourself, if you do it at all.
I silently said my goodbye to my bio Dad during his hospital demise.
Come time to attend the funeral I learned WAY more then I cared to listen to about this guy.
He really did wish for atonement for his actions. I didn't grant him that. I regret that, yet he had 40 years to speak up...
At the funeral I wept for the Father I didn't have...not the one laying in the coffin...at peace.
Each person has a conscious for what they can live with. I still have a hard time being a cold hearted person by not granting a person the right to ask for genuine forgiveness...But that is me....I tend to think til a persons last breathe they have an opportunity.... With the exception of my psychotic foster Mom and my former boss.....those two will get my cold shoulder seven days of the week
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If so... 
