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My Mom is 54 (and has siblings in their mid 60s) and still has both of her parents, both are almost 86.
My Dad is now 55 lost his Mom when he was 46 and his Dad is still alive at 88
My maternal grandfather lost his Mom when he was 20 from cancer. He lost his Dad when he was 45.
My maternal grandmother lost her Father when she was 56 and lost her Mom when she was 64.
My paternal grandfather lost his Dad when he was 53 and lost his Mom when he was 73.
My paternal grandmother lost her Father when she was 32 and her Mom when she was 52.
I feel pretty fortunate to have 3 out of 4 of my grandparents still living.
When I was in my early 30s I had 2 of my 4 grandparents still alive.
This is all absolutely true. My parents were 43 and 45 when I was born. I knew just one grandparent, and I only remember her as very old (when I was 10, she was 83). When my mom died, I was 31, but my oldest siblings were 50 and 53. It seems so unfair that they got many more years with her than I did.
I've had this conversation several times (saying, from my own experience, that it is better to have kids when you're young), and basically got the responses "It doesn't matter if you're old or young when you have your kids, because you can die at any time," and "I plan to be healthy and active until I'm 99."
I know - so many people are in denial of this reality.
Because I had my kids when I was in my twenties, they spent many years, well into their adulthood in fact, with their grandparents. They were able to spend many years with their GREAT grandparents and have memories of them as active, albeit elderly, loving folks.
I am 55 and my oldest grandchild is 14. My youngest was just born a year ago. He will probably be it for awhile unless something magical happens - and who knows - but my point is that if I live for another 20 years (and that's conservative, since both my parents lived longer than that and my mother is in fact still alive at age 77), all my grandchildren will have been able to get to know me and spend lots of quality time with me for at least 20 years.
This is all absolutely true. My parents were 43 and 45 when I was born. I knew just one grandparent, and I only remember her as very old (when I was 10, she was 83). When my mom died, I was 31, but my oldest siblings were 50 and 53. It seems so unfair that they got many more years with her than I did.
I've had this conversation several times (saying, from my own experience, that it is better to have kids when you're young), and basically got the responses "It doesn't matter if you're old or young when you have your kids, because you can die at any time," and "I plan to be healthy and active until I'm 99."
My mum had me when she was 19, and I only knew one grandparent and we moved a long way from her when I was 11, and I only saw her once more before she died.
I'm glad I got to spend the time with her I did, but I never knew the others and I didn't miss it, because it wasn't the norm for me. Would it have been nice? I don't know. Might have, might not. But it's something that I don't think about at all.
And now, I live a long way from my mother.
Does that have a detrimental effect on my child? It doesn't appear to. Because she doesn't really know her grandmother. So she's used to it. Kids adapt to what's the norm in their families, generally. She has two other grandparents she sees about 4 times a year. They're in their early seventies.
My dad died a few years ago, if I remember correctly, I was about 48. My mother is still alive.
It's not better or worse to have kids when you're young. My dad had me a so young that he ran off, because he wasn't done being young yet. There are so many other factors that go into whether you have a good relationship with your parents - if any - that that is only a piece of the pie.
As people push back the average age of having kids - with so many people having their first child in their thirties rather than in their twenties, we will see more and more people losing their parents at an earlier age themselves. We will also see grandkids who never knew their grandparents well, or only knew them as very elderly, and who may have never met their great grandparents at all.
Personally I'm very glad that my grandmothers were in their early fifties when I was born and that I knew both of them when they were still full of life and energy. My kids knew my grandmother very well, and they loved her a lot (she died at age 87 when my youngest was about 15).
My kids are in their late 20s through mid 30s now, and they were blessed to spend many years around my parents while both of them had a lot of life and energy too - and my dad got to spend lots of time with his great grandkids before he passed away this past year.
As people choose to start families later and later, many of these relationships will be compromised or non existent, and that's a big loss for our society that I never hear anyone address.
I think this is a really good point. My parents (who are thankfully both still living and healthy) are in their late 50s, they had me in their late 20s so I grew up with three grandparents actively involved in my life (my paternal grandfather died when my dad was 15 due to heart attack). But they were in their early 40s when they had my brother, and unfortunately by the time he was born only two grandparents were still alive and one passed away when he was really young, only three years old. It's a shame he never got to knew her because she was a really wonderful person who I wish I had gotten to know as an adult (I was 15 when she passed away). So my brother has only had one grandparent in his life, my maternal grandfather....he is still alive and in his 90s. I am around your kids' ages and feel lucky that I had my grandparents growing up and I do feel he missed out by not having most of our grandparents in his life growing up (not to fault my parents for having him when they did of course--just an observation)
Then again you never really know, my friend's mom died in her early 40s when my friend and I were 15 (so she was youngish when she had my friend), her cancer came back and this time unfortunately it was terminal....she still has grandparents but her mother died young.
I know - so many people are in denial of this reality.
Because I had my kids when I was in my twenties, they spent many years, well into their adulthood in fact, with their grandparents. They were able to spend many years with their GREAT grandparents and have memories of them as active, albeit elderly, loving folks.
I am 55 and my oldest grandchild is 14. My youngest was just born a year ago. He will probably be it for awhile unless something magical happens - and who knows - but my point is that if I live for another 20 years (and that's conservative, since both my parents lived longer than that and my mother is in fact still alive at age 77), all my grandchildren will have been able to get to know me and spend lots of quality time with me for at least 20 years.
I think that's important.
Birth order matters too. My parents are both the youngest and there's a bit of a gap between them and my aunts/uncles. So even though they had me in their 20s their parents were still kind of elderly when I was born....I'm still grateful I am/was able to get the time with them that I did get. I don't remember my great grandparents that well but my older cousins probably do because while I was very young when they passed away, they were pre-teens.
If I had kids they would have grandparents in their late 50s but if my brother has kids (he is turning 16 this year) it won't be for awhile so they could feasibly be in their 60s or even 70s...so that could be a big difference in the grandparent role they are able to play (or not, it all depends on their health of course).
I think it's wonderful you're able to be so close with your grandkids!
I was 8 when my Dad died at age 40 of a stroke. 53 when my Mom died at age 77.
I had 2 grandparents.
Grandfather born in 1888 lived to be 90 so I was mid 20s when he died. He was like a dad to me.
Grandmother born in 1890 died around the same time as Grandfather but we weren't close. She was not the easiest person to deal with.
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