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OP, I do agree with you in your observations. There are people I have known who have tons of friends and I can't figure out their appeal. They are generally boring, never share anything personal, yet people are drawn to them. I think a big part is that they listen and are non-threatening. They blend in and don't seek attention by being loud or obnoxious. Because they are guarded they aren't constantly dumping all their drama on people around them. But their friendships seem to be more acquaintance-like and not super-deep.
There was a woman I knew from my kids' school who was just like this. She and another mom were "besties" (or so it seemed to me). They would hang out together all the time, do family outings together, the friend even threw her a baby shower. A year later the woman's friend moved to a neighboring town and I asked this woman about it. She said "oh, I don't know where they moved" which surprised me considering how close they had been. There wasn't any falling out between them because she seemed so nonchalant. I think people like that just don't care that much about specific friendships as they are fluid and interchangeable. That nonchalant attitude is a vibe that others can sense which makes them a challenge.
Throughout my life I have enjoyed observing people and seeing who they were friends with. In general I have found that people who put me to sleep because they are so boring and average always have the most friends.
These are people who try so hard to look like everyone else. They are extremely guarded in everything they say. Never have an opinion about anything, so they don't have anyone that disagrees with them. They have all the safe hobbies and interests and never talk about interesting things. Their career and lifestyle is safe and predictable. They don't take risks or think outside the box. They speak in an even tone and never let loose and get overly excited.
Why are these type of people so popular and have so many friends?
Precisely because they're average; "average" means by definition that the majority of the population will be in that category. The farther out into the wings you are, the fewer people you'll find that are similar to you.
I hadn't noticed that average types are guarded with what they say, or that they never get excited about a topic or an experience they've had. But the rest of it I have noticed.
But I feel that as long as people are nice and considerate, I can deal with boring. I get tired of the lonely genius type who's a jerk. Why do people excuse that, by saying a little craziness or rudeness or self-centeredness is part of the genius package? There are plenty of brilliant people who manage to observe social norms and get along with others.
OP, I do agree with you in your observations. There are people I have known who have tons of friends and I can't figure out their appeal. They are generally boring, never share anything personal, yet people are drawn to them. I think a big part is that they listen and are non-threatening. They blend in and don't seek attention by being loud or obnoxious. Because they are guarded they aren't constantly dumping all their drama on people around them. But their friendships seem to be more acquaintance-like and not super-deep.
There was a woman I knew from my kids' school who was just like this. She and another mom were "besties" (or so it seemed to me). They would hang out together all the time, do family outings together, the friend even threw her a baby shower. A year later the woman's friend moved to a neighboring town and I asked this woman about it. She said "oh, I don't know where they moved" which surprised me considering how close they had been. There wasn't any falling out between them because she seemed so nonchalant. I think people like that just don't care that much about specific friendships as they are fluid and interchangeable. That nonchalant attitude is a vibe that others can sense which makes them a challenge.
That wasn't a real friendship, what you described. It was two women who lived close together and it was out of convenience.
Once it was no longer convenience the "friendship" ended.
Many people don't seem to know the difference between what friends are, and what acquaintances are.
Throughout my life I have enjoyed observing people and seeing who they were friends with. In general I have found that people who put me to sleep because they are so boring and average always have the most friends.
Pretty broad generalities here, but I am inclined to agree somewhat - in large measure based on my own personal experience. When I was younger and lived in a huge metropolis, I had many friends and tons of acquaintances, despite not being someone who operated very close to the social norm(s) that I had been raised with, and whose cultural and entertainment interests were perhaps a bit off-beat. However, I didn't see that I had less friends and acqaintances than those people who were more in the center, so to speak. When I noticed a difference was when I became older and moved into smaller social environments; then I had a much, much smaller close social circle than most of the people around me, and I think many people whom I would have met in my former environment would never have considered locating in a "provincial" place. Thus, for me, fewer choices.
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These are people who try so hard to look like everyone else. They are extremely guarded in everything they say. Never have an opinion about anything, so they don't have anyone that disagrees with them. They have all the safe hobbies and interests and never talk about interesting things. Their career and lifestyle is safe and predictable. They don't take risks or think outside the box. They speak in an even tone and never let loose and get overly excited.
I wonder, are these anything other than the "middle," those people whose lives and thoughts more or less cluster around the norm for their location or culture? Many individual differences, of course; but lots of similarities. These people have traditionally been the ballast of society, I think. Some may be trying "so hard," but are they as "boring" to themselves as to someone more on the fringe or in some socio-cultural vest pocket? If they don't have a problem with their own predictableness, maybe that's healthy.
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Why are these type of people so popular and have so many friends?
I would think one reason would be that there are many of them, they have lots peers and lots of more choices for friends and acquaintances than people who are closer to the edge of their society and culture, or occupy a cul-de-sac within the society.
And the wondering doesn't go in only one direction of course.
That wasn't a real friendship, what you described. It was two women who lived close together and it was out of convenience.
Once it was no longer convenience the "friendship" ended.
Many people don't seem to know the difference between what friends are, and what acquaintances are.
This is my point exactly. Sometimes these people who seem to have loads of friends really just have "friendly acquaintances" that fit the current chapter in their lives.
I think calling other people "boring" is rather rude. Perhaps these people have a lot of friends because they don't go around criticizing other people and picking apart their faults and flaws.
I personally walk away from friendships with people who are into drama and creating conflicts. If that makes me boring, then I'm proud to be that way.
There are probably much more average people than there are weird people
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