Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Throughout my life I have enjoyed observing people and seeing who they were friends with. In general I have found that people who put me to sleep because they are so boring and average always have the most friends.
These are people who try so hard to look like everyone else. They are extremely guarded in everything they say. Never have an opinion about anything, so they don't have anyone that disagrees with them. They have all the safe hobbies and interests and never talk about interesting things. Their career and lifestyle is safe and predictable. They don't take risks or think outside the box. They speak in an even tone and never let loose and get overly excited.
Why are these type of people so popular and have so many friends?
Simple. Because they don't offend anyone. Offend your friends, and they may stop being friends with you, and you may not like that at all. What if I still want to be friends with them but they don't? Well, it hurts like mad to be rejected by them. I know because I've been there.
Differences divide friends. Small talk about neutral topics keep a friendship.
This topic interests me as I fairly recently moved to a different state and have begun making new friends. Admittedly, I have always been drawn to more "emotive" people. Some would label eccentric or neurotic, but to my mind, people who are willing to share their feelings, fears, dreams with you. I'm not into high drama but in making new friends I have been frustrated that most of the folks I meet who I have worked hard to spend time with, are very guarded. For instance, we have socialized with one couple on a fairly regular basis for about 7 months. They are both very nice, laid back and I guess "normal" but honestly, I feel as though I don't really know them at all. If I never saw them again, I don't think it would effect me. Even as a kid my dad used to say, "why do you attract all of the kooks?" I do like to engage with people who are not afraid to let their guard down, and may be a tad outrageous, or unorthodox. To my mind, they are more "real" than folks who I meet for dinner, maybe go to a concert with and then engage in superficial talk about nothing personal. But I guess to each his own. Still, I miss my crazy ass friends.
So many people I meet that appear to have tons of friends would never get in the type of interesting discussions or open themselves up like we do on City Data. Most of the popular people don't want to be seen as unusual and play it safe and tend to be very boring.
Some people just don't want to open themselves up to random people. What's wrong with that? It's about knowing your audience and tailoring what you talk about to that audience. They might very well have interesting conversations with people they know share the same interests, but if they think a group of people have no interest in something that interests them, of course they aren't going to drone on about it. It's just basic social skills.
Eh, I suspect that for the vast majority of people...whether they're "normal", eccentric, loudmouthed, whatever...their number of REAL friends (i.e. not acquaintances) is small. Probably 5 or less. And for most of them, they've likely known each other for many years...possibly dating back to grade school. And many people are comfortable talking about almost anything with their real friends, even if there's a significant difference of opinion.
The larger variation is in a person's number of acquaintances. Acquaintances tend to come and go depending on convenience and other factors. I think so-called average people e.g. "normals" tend to have more acquaintances than those on the fringe. (And I don't think it's appropriate to call them boring. I think your average joe is actually considered to be a decently fun and humorous person from the perspective of other run-of-the-mill folks.) In terms of personality, ordinary people are perceived by society to be "safer"; they don't often rock the boat; they generally adhere to the status quo; others are more likely to "get" them and will be more at ease around them. In other words, he's just "one of us" or "one of the boys". Surrounding culture, environment and social norms also play a factor.
It is pretty common for people to be a bit more cautious around those that aren't like themselves...it's a symptom of tribalism.
However, I think many people are more intrigued and curious by those that are eccentric, edgy or quirky in some way...whether it's personality, tastes, interests, unusual/extreme viewpoints. But intrigue and curiosity don't necessarily translate to wanting to be friends or acquaintances with those people.
Also, others may judge you based on the company you keep. And a lot of people tend to become more careful of who they associate with when they get a bit older, wiser and more settled-down...late 20s, 30s and up. Especially those with strong career aspirations and/or those that are married.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamingx
I act like that in public. .but in private I'm open. Maybe the people you observe are reserved because they're in a public setting.
This is a good point too. Many people tend to be careful about who (and where and when) they discuss certain subjects with. Both IRL and on social media. They generally prefer to play it safe while out in public or even in private if around anyone they don't know well. Especially these days...lots of easily triggered snowflakes out there.
This is one reason why it's unwise for the OP to be overly judgmental of the so-called ordinary people he observes out in public. He doesn't know them.
People with competent social skills take their audience into account...including their vibe or mood...when deciding what things to talk about (and how to talk about them). Folks who don't do this will often create awkward situations and will sometimes come across as rude and ignorant.
The majority of people are conformists. They think alike and rarely get to the point of seriously questioning things as do the non-conformists. And so, they tend to flock together. The media, the government, big business like the conformist and cater to them at every opportunity since they're seen to be easy marks and have a 'ho-hum attitude' toward most everything. Non-conformists are seen to be trouble makers because they tend to make a lot of noise about things that concern them. It's sometimes not very advantageous or popular to actually possess a spine.
The majority of people are conformists. They think alike and rarely get to the point of seriously questioning things as do the non-conformists. And so, they tend to flock together. The media, the government, big business like the conformist and cater to them at every opportunity since they're seen to be easy marks and have a 'ho-hum attitude' toward most everything. Non-conformists are seen to be trouble makers because they tend to make a lot of noise about things that concern them. It's sometimes not very advantageous or popular to actually possess a spine.
There's a very big difference between having no spine and just not being a loudmouth, and being selective about the people I choose to have in my life. I possess an iron spine, yet have very little to say to people who thrive not only on drama, but also the sound of their own voices.
This topic interests me as I fairly recently moved to a different state and have begun making new friends. Admittedly, I have always been drawn to more "emotive" people. Some would label eccentric or neurotic, but to my mind, people who are willing to share their feelings, fears, dreams with you. I'm not into high drama but in making new friends I have been frustrated that most of the folks I meet who I have worked hard to spend time with, are very guarded. For instance, we have socialized with one couple on a fairly regular basis for about 7 months. They are both very nice, laid back and I guess "normal" but honestly, I feel as though I don't really know them at all. If I never saw them again, I don't think it would effect me. Even as a kid my dad used to say, "why do you attract all of the kooks?" I do like to engage with people who are not afraid to let their guard down, and may be a tad outrageous, or unorthodox. To my mind, they are more "real" than folks who I meet for dinner, maybe go to a concert with and then engage in superficial talk about nothing personal. But I guess to each his own. Still, I miss my crazy ass friends.
I find the opposite to be true. It seems like the jerks have a lot of friends. My cousin is a jerk and I always wonder how come he has so many friends let alone girlfriends.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
