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The only reason many people have extravagant weddings is so they can get gifts anyway.
This makes no sense. Why would someone pay thousands of dollars to host a wedding, in order to get some gifts that would probably be equal (or possibly less than) what they spent on their wedding?
the problem is that i CAN afford it. it's the principle that bothers me. just because i can afford it doesn't mean that it should be that way, does that make sense? and that's why i would get a lot of backlash, because i'd be saying no just because i'm against the extravagant costs of a wedding, not because i can't afford it.
I assume these women are not good friends. If they were, and you could afford it, why wouldn't you want to do this for your friend? It's her wedding, it's her choice if she wants an extravagant wedding or not.
It's too bad that you don't get to decide what is an extravagant wedding for other people. If you don't like big weddings, I suggest you don't have one, but you don't get to dictate your views to other people. If you want to stage a little protest against your friend's wedding choices, that's certainly your right but you will look like an idiot,if that matters to you or your friends.
I guess times have changed, but the times I was a bridesmaid for an out-of-town wedding, the bride's family paid for the hotel or arranged rooms for us at a friend's house. One bride specifically said, "Look, please, no gifts -- you are doing me a huge honor by being my bridesmaid, and I'm just happy you could be a part of it!" Another bride's mother paid for the bridesmaid's dresses.
I can't wrap my head around the idea of a poor bridesmaid (usually young, usually not at the top of the career pile) having to shell out thousands of dollars just for the privilege of prancing down the aisle in a dress she will never wear again.
Except the girls all do it for each other. A bridesmaid can't say no to her friend and expect her friend to be in her wedding. My son and DIL are in many weddings, some local, some not. Those same friends were in there rather large wedding. That's how it works. These are young people, late 20's, but all of them do have jobs and can afford to be in their friends' weddings. It's how they all spend their weekends, going to each others weddings. They seem to enjoy it.
Yeah sometimes i think the more extravagant the wedding, the less likely they will stay together as it seems they care more about the wedding than the marriage.
Thanks for the posts, honestly it makes me feel better. Everyone around me is very pro wedding lol so they look at me like im some cynical person when i talk about how its too over the top. I feel like everyone is brainwashed and im crazy because i wouldnt want the same thing.
I have seen ZERO evidence of your theory. The size of the wedding has nothing to do with the marriage.
I agree with you 100%. I'm 58, married for many years and I don't understand why weddings have become these spectacles. Well, I do understand....it's clever, persuasive marketing. But I don't understand why couples are buying into the ridiculousness of it all.
And these 100k weddings I've attended have been nice but cookie-cutterish and formulaic. Lots of flowers, extravagant cake and food at some country club or big hotel, lots of guests....it doesn't feel intimate or special.
But I'm biased. I had a smallish wedding...65 guests.
The wedding is just a day, a special day of course....but yeesh....it's too much these days. Don't I sound like an old lady?
People today have much more money than they did back in the day. Not everyone wants a small intimate wedding. People should have whatever kind of wedding they want and can pay for. I have been to some fantastic weddings, with everything you could think of, and the couple was blissfully happy. All their friends and family had a fantastic time celebrating their union. Years later, they are still happy and it's a wonderful memory for the couple and for all of us who attended.
Outside of the bachelor/ette parties, I am really not familiar with this tradition of wedding parties covering costs (including their own) for weddings.
I have been in more than a few weddings and depending on the culture my responsibilities were different each time. One thing was a constant, I was never expected or asked to spend money.
I am the youngest of 6 daughters and my father paid for all of our weddings: including the bride/grooms party travel/lodging.
I married into a culture where the mother in law makes the dress for the bride so my father compromised with my future (now ex) MIL by buying the material, accessories, etc for it and then my MIL made it.
I would be honest and up front with the bride/your friend and tell her why you don't want to be part of it. If she's really your friend she will understand and find someone else who wants to pay $1,000 to be part of her wedding or better yet, she will realize how ridiculous that is.
i'm done with weddings. i will be a bridesmaid, once again, in July of this year. this will be my 5th time being in a wedding party. i'm so frustrated with the extravagant costs that people want you to spend. i'm honestly starting to build some resentment about it. i was just told i need to chip in 200$ for the bridal shower... then i have to get the dress (about $200), alterations for the dress (prob $100) hair & makeup ($100), a shower gift, and then an actual gift for the wedding. bachelorette party will prob be around 200$ as well. don't forget the hotel too (prob $200/night). probably will top at about $1,000. which has been the same for the other 4 weddings i was in as well.
i know i know, i didn't have to say yes to being a bridesmaid. but the alternative of saying no would probably be a lot worse... "why doesn't she want to be a bridesmaid" "i can't believe you said no" "i can't believe you wouldn't partake in his/her special day". anyway, i just needed to vent. why can't people just have a low key party and you give a gift and then be done with it? i especially hate when people tell me "it will be your turn one day". NO! i plan on going to get the marriage license and then that's it. maybe the party will consist of a nice dinner where me and my boyfriend pay for everything. i would never expect people to pay for anything just because i decide to spend the rest of my life with someone.
anyone else? i'm considering saying no to the bachelorette party to cut costs.
If you don't like a person enough to buy a dress and pay your own way at their bachelorette party then just decline the offer. They'll happily replace you with a better friend.
This makes no sense. Why would someone pay thousands of dollars to host a wedding, in order to get some gifts that would probably be equal (or possibly less than) what they spent on their wedding?
The cost of the wedding doesn't come out of the bride and grooms pocket.
As a guy, I've been in quite a few weddings (unmarried myself) fortunately I've often been able to wear my Dress Blues.
I've also traveled as far as 3/4 across the country for weddings, but they were my Marines.
Other weddings I've rented tuxes, and in one had to deal with buying a ugly grey suit (when I agreed to be in it I was made to understand it would be only a shirt and tie and wearing our own black suits.) that they picked out (Like a bridesmaids dress "so you can wear it again.")
Like most bridesmaids dresses I never wore it again.
That one I skipped the Bachelor party, the rehersal, and just showed up for the wedding and reception.
Despite some concern I had no issues "doing my part" was even one of the witnesses on their marrage lisense.
Perhaps I cut it short because of the added cost and attitude.
Who knows. Begging off being pressed for time worked and we are still friends.
Another (one of just a couple bachelor parties I've attended) everyone else bailed so I took him to New Orleans and spent $500 on him alone in one night. (Volunteered. I'll do much more when it's not expected)
All in all I think it's moronic, the couples would be better off having people send money to put down on a house.
If I ever marry I expect it'll be a small ceramony and a big blowout reception. (It's amusing how the price tripples when you say "wedding")
I was a maid of honor for a friend of the family whose besties bowed out of the wedding. I had never been in a wedding before and had no clue how expensive it would be, or what would be expected of me. I ended up spending $1000 I didn't have (dress, shoes, parties, gifts, hair, etc etc) because I was young and stupid, and she was the daughter of my mom's best friend.
The next time I was asked by my BIL's fiancee, I said no. She was hurt, but sometimes you've just got to do what's best for yourself.
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