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Would you consider it off-putting, if a new acquaintance you're just meeting for the first time keeps making offhand but negative references to their financial situation, complaining about bills, budget constraints, ranting about unfair treatment at work etc? I met a person like that recently, who seemed nice and friendly enough but there was just something about them that rang a bit of an alarm bell for me, and finally I realized it was this, a sort of victim mentality - which, from past experiences, I've seen go alongside a user mentality as well, and thus someone I would be apprehensive of letting too close. Would you agree? Or am I overthinking it?
Show me a person who is always lurching to the latest crisis in his or her life and I'll show you someone who steadfastly refuses to manage his or her life. These are people who won't pay their bills, won't take care of their car, won't try to get along with their colleagues, won't organize anything and -- guess what -- IT'S NEVER THEIR FAULT.
But it is. Because the common denominator in all their problems is them.
The worst of all are the people who blame their Joe Btfsplk life on bad luck. Hey, everybody has a rough patch. No problem. If a friend of mine sudden is befallen with calamity, I'm with them for the long haul. But experience has taught me that when it's just one disaster after another, you really have to look at how that person has conducted his life.
Smoke two packs a day and you really can't complain about getting emphysema. Don't watch what you eat and never exercise? Don't complain about your heart disease. Chronically unemployed or underemployed? They typically didn't bother to acquire the skills or education that made him a more valuable worker. Always having disputes with a family member, colleague, friend or whatever? Seriously bad people skills. Always broke? They never learned to live within their means and save something.
So when you befriend people like that, just remember that you're going to get sucked into their drama.
Would you consider it off-putting, if a new acquaintance you're just meeting for the first time keeps making offhand but negative references to their financial situation, complaining about bills, budget constraints, ranting about unfair treatment at work etc? I met a person like that recently, who seemed nice and friendly enough but there was just something about them that rang a bit of an alarm bell for me, and finally I realized it was this, a sort of victim mentality - which, from past experiences, I've seen go alongside a user mentality as well, and thus someone I would be apprehensive of letting too close. Would you agree? Or am I overthinking it?
Not overthinking it at all. If someone I had just met kept going on & on about his crap life, I'd walk out if it.
Would you consider it off-putting, if a new acquaintance you're just meeting for the first time keeps making offhand but negative references to their financial situation, complaining about bills, budget constraints, ranting about unfair treatment at work etc? I met a person like that recently, who seemed nice and friendly enough but there was just something about them that rang a bit of an alarm bell for me, and finally I realized it was this, a sort of victim mentality - which, from past experiences, I've seen go alongside a user mentality as well, and thus someone I would be apprehensive of letting too close. Would you agree? Or am I overthinking it?
This actually happened to me recently. I met this co-worker for the first time and found out that our kids went to the same school. I was about to say something about it being a great school. She launches into a tirade about how her son doesn't have enough time to get from Class A to Class B. Funny, none of the other students have this problem. So, she was encouraging her kids to develop this same victim mentality.
I found out later that she is universally disliked. She makes lame excuses for all her mistakes and has been through one failed relationship after another.
Would you consider it off-putting, if a new acquaintance you're just meeting for the first time keeps making offhand but negative references to their financial situation, complaining about bills ...
Yes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie
... I realized it was this, a sort of victim mentality - which, from past experiences, I've seen go alongside a user mentality as well ... someone I would be apprehensive of letting too close. Would you agree? Or am I overthinking it?
In the words of the great philosophers: If it looks like a red flag and feels like a red flag, guess what ... it's a red flag. How do you not admire the great thinkers for their remarkable insight?
Would you consider it off-putting, if a new acquaintance you're just meeting for the first time keeps making offhand but negative references to their financial situation, complaining about bills, budget constraints, ranting about unfair treatment at work etc? I met a person like that recently, who seemed nice and friendly enough but there was just something about them that rang a bit of an alarm bell for me, and finally I realized it was this, a sort of victim mentality - which, from past experiences, I've seen go alongside a user mentality as well, and thus someone I would be apprehensive of letting too close. Would you agree? Or am I overthinking it?
No, you're not overthinking it. Run away.....LOL.
I just went through this and am kind of annoyed at myself for getting involved but I ended it.
Became somewhat friendly with someone similar to you described always whining about being broke, I kept waiting to be asked for a loan but it didn't happen. We took turns buying lunch and I even offered when it was their turn but they wanted to pay. But it was constant whining about money.
We live in Southern CA and they always had to put CA down(despite living here for 40 years), I even said I love living here and could you tone it down. One time they did it when I was talking to a lovely young couple here on their honeymoon from England trying to scare the hell out of them about how unsafe it is here. Not only wasn't it true, but why do that to someone? I managed to turn the situation around(she just butted in) by saying to the couple ask her long she has lived here if she hates it so much....LOL. That shut her down.
The light bulb really went off by just in conversation I found out she has Showtime and HBO(I have basic cable), two phones, and on one outing we went to Goodwill and she spent $60(cash) on knick knacks, pots, etc and telling me how she doesn't need any of this stuff. Well than don't complain to me about your car insurance coming due and how you hate CA because you got a slight increase in your rates.
Anyway I never invited her to my home(something told me not to) and have gone no contact. She also always had a feud going on, either a neighbor or her sister. People like this are toxic, so you're smart to question this.
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