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Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 25 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,360,802 times
Reputation: 5382
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It seems to be it gets seen in a negative light. I've noticed people who don't like to talk about themselves tend to gossip about others. That has been my observation from what I've seen. I'll admit I enjoy talking about myself. Sorry, if that makes me come off as narcissistic. I'm not into gossip and talking about people that I have no contact with.
I don't think there is any problem whatsoever as long as you also listen to others and try to encourage them to also talk about themselves.
If you dominate all conversations talking about yourself, I doubt that will make or keep you many friends with whom you wish to talk at all for very long.
It seems to be it gets seen in a negative light. I've noticed people who don't like to talk about themselves tend to gossip about others. That has been my observation from what I've seen. I'll admit I enjoy talking about myself. Sorry, if that makes me come off as narcissistic. I'm not into gossip and talking about people that I have no contact with.
Those aren't the only two options for conversation topics. One can talk about ideas, about events, about different aspects of human endeavor, the news of the day, science as it pertains to current issues, and so much more. Think about how rich and varied the whole of life is; potential topics are endless. People whose interests are limited to themselves or gossip about others are missing out on much of what life has to offer. Like people who talk about TV show episodes.
The art of conversation is dead in the US, for the most part.
Those aren't the only two options for conversation topics. One can talk about ideas, about events, about different aspects of human endeavor, the news of the day, science as it pertains to current issues, and so much more. Think about how rich and varied the whole of life is; potential topics are endless. People whose interests are limited to themselves or gossip about others are missing out on much of what life has to offer. Like people who talk about TV show episodes.
The art of conversation is dead in the US, for the most part.
Very true, Ruth .. all of what you said. There definitely is much more to life to talk about than just oneself.
While this is a bit off topic from the OP's question, I suspect that the reason your last statement is so very true also (and not just in the US but in most of western society, at least in a certain demographic age group) is that with the advent of texting, many people have begun to stop thinking in full paragraphs and now work only in 140 character or less soundbites.
In-depth conversations held in short sentences, full stop, wait for response, respond to response, etc. usually end rapidly because the cadence quickly becomes very pedantic ... which is something that most people will at least subconsciously avoid.
It seems to be it gets seen in a negative light. I've noticed people who don't like to talk about themselves tend to gossip about others. That has been my observation from what I've seen. I'll admit I enjoy talking about myself. Sorry, if that makes me come off as narcissistic. I'm not into gossip and talking about people that I have no contact with.
A little goes a long way. And it's ultimately counterproductive. For the more you talk about yourself, the less people like you and the more apt they are to tune you out.
I think that's the secret to groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous. Talking about oneself is addictive. It makes one feel good about oneself to prate on about oneself in front of a supposedly interested audience. So, by standing in front of a room full of supportive people who will listen to you for hours on end if necessary, you've just substituted one form of addiction for another.
Everybody likes talking about themselves, whether it's their day, the funny thing that happened to them last week, or their fears and aspirations. But do it too much, if you find yourself just barely listening to what the other person says so you can find an opening to talk about yourself some more, then you are indeed a narcissist.
(Shrug) Go ahead and talk about yourself. If you do it to excess, it becomes a bore and you will discover a shortage of friends who want to spend their evening hearing all about you and nothing else.
Balance and moderation. Two things that are generally needed for a good life, good relationships and good conversation (and are often lacking).
Not every conversation has to be 50/50. But, overall, that's what we should shoot for. If your friend's dog just died, they probably won't be able to focus on your interesting week. If you have your first ever surgery coming up soon, you may not want to hear a lot about the great deal your friend got on the item they've been shopping for. If you both just got back from separate vacations or are discussing routine family/work stuff, you probably will want pretty close to equal time to share. Give and take is what makes conversation rewarding. Good "social radar" is a desirable quality in a friend or conversational partner; knowing when to talk and when to listen, when to support and when to take center stage.
Even those that aren't big talkers need to have the opportunity to participate and not just have someone else fill up all the empty space in a conversation with self-absorbed palaver. Thoughtful queries and genuine interest should be extended to anyone a person converses with (where it's reciprocated to a reasonable degree).
Some people really do have "the gift of gab". More think they have it who don't. Sparkling, entertaining repartee is great, but it only goes so far. A real personal connection is what people respond to and remember positively. They want to have a conversational partner and not be a captive audience for a "social performer." Something that seems delightful, interesting and amusing or the spell-binding latest episode of an ongoing drama to the speaker may sound like "Yada, yada, yada" to a listener whose eyes are glazing over.
Last edited by mollyblythe; 03-13-2017 at 04:26 PM..
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