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I have family who just moved into a senior building. It'll help to point out that it's in a neighborhood with a large Eastern European population. When visiting, I've heard building residents speak Russian (or maybe Ukrainian?) and Polish to each other. I read that in the traditional Slavic culture, people traditionally marry at a very young age. It's not abnormal for people to marry straight out of school, and in the past, many people did just that, due to the generous government benefits (housing placement and such) newlyweds used to get. It was also common for relationships to become serious very quickly, oftentimes in a matter of months, regardless of the couples' compatibility or shared interests. Don't know if it was due to people falling in love hard and fast, or due to wanting the benefits, but whatever. Also, belief in "fate" and/or "love at first sight" is widespread even today.
Anyway, about a year ago, when word got around the building residents, with many of them being Slavic/Eastern European, that I was single, I started getting propositions from the neighbors to meet their granddaughters, about half the time I visited. I found the propositions out of line and uncalled for. (Keep reading to learn why.) So I turned them down. Sincerely and politely at first, like explaining that I'm looking for a woman with specific interests. (I didn't mention never wanting to marry, because it'd be too problematic to explain.) When that didn't work or got brushed off, I turned to humor to deflect the requests. That mostly failed too, maybe due to their limited English and/or not getting American references. Finally, I started being more forceful, like "Absolutely not!" The propositions almost completely dried up after about six months, to my relief, with an occasional one resurfacing once in a blue moon. I didn't tell my family about what happens in the building lobby, because honestly, I don't want to make it their problem. It's minor enough that I can deal with it myself.
Now, here's why I found the propositions "to meet their granddaughters" insulting. It's a given that people's first loyalty will be their own family, rather than some young man coming to their building a few weekends a month. So it feels like they see me as "a man for their granddaughter to marry", rather than an individual in my own right. Namely, a man named MillUrb, who likes sports, salsa dancing, and trains, and hates onions on his pizza. Instead, it feels like they visualize some idea for their granddaughter's husband, and want me to fill the role, just because I fit the right demographic or set of traits. I told them about my job (IT professional); don't know if that's got anything to do with it.
I speculate that their actions could simply be a cultural practice for them (fixing up people for the purpose of marriage, without giving much thought to compatibility), having spent most of their lives in the old country. But even so, I still find them out of line and unacceptable. And ironically, I see a lot in common with how some romantically inexperienced guys seek out their first girlfriend: they come up with an idea of "a girlfriend", then look for whoever fits the bill. (Heck, I myself was once guilty of that, but I was 18.)
Am I in the wrong to feel insulted by these random fix-up propositions?
You may not be wrong, but you also don't see it from their point. Many people age on the outside but are still living in their 18 year old head decades later, and have not evolved into newer more appropriate ideas, like yours.
Now its a matter of understanding they are only doing what they know, though it is outdated.
Take a deep breath and and be grateful you are young.
You may not be wrong, but you also don't see it from their point. Many people age on the outside but are still living in their 18 year old head decades later, and have not evolved into newer more appropriate ideas, like yours.
Now its a matter of understanding they are only doing what they know, though it is outdated.
Take a deep breath and and be grateful you are young.
I actually did some research on Slavic cultural practices, after getting weirded out by these propositions. What those people are doing---and it was mostly women who did that---was quite common in Slavic countries. Most people traditionally lived in close-knit villages, and were fixed up by older people, as well as meeting through school. Like a quasi-arranged marriage. When cities grew, the same mindset migrated over, although schools and universities assumed a much stronger role for meeting romantic partners. Not to mention, there was massive stigma to being single after 22, with the median first marriage age being 20.
Still, I couldn't help but facepalm when they didn't recognize or brushed off my notion of wanting a compatible romantic partner. For example, when I asked: "OK, what does your granddaughter like to do?", the woman told me: "It doesn't matter, because fate decides people to be together." ("Umm, OK. " I'll forgive the clunky English, but not the mindset.)
You aren't wrong to feel what you feel, but you're wrong to expect them to think exactly as you do.
You're assigning a LOT of stuff to them just as you are accusing them of doing.
And yes, in the old days, every one of your personal idiosyncracies didn't have to be considered in order for you to be a viable marriage candidate. "Single? Employed? Reasonably able to carry on a conversation? Check ... check ... check. OK, mazel tov you two! Y'all can work out the details like pizza toppings over the next 50 years."
Just stop taking it so personally. No, they don't REALLY care about you as a person, and that's ok because you don't really want them to.
OP, you're kind of over-analyzing. Instead of being insulted, whenever you visit, brace yourself for walking into a building full of Jewish match-makers. This is what they do. Just take it at face value, and brush it off. And yeah, I bet that your IT profession does have something to do with it. IDK, maybe you should feel flattered that they all view you as such a viable candidate! You must be good-looking, as well as well-employed. Such a juicy tidbit in their midst, how can they resist?
Sure it's annoying (I could swap stories with you re: what I went through on my work-related trips to Russia, as a single woman), but just let it roll off your back. And btw, IME in the Bay Area Russian community, Russian girls generally were expected to marry Russian boys. Most felt they had nothing in common culturally with Americans. So I'm surprised your getting ambushed regularly. Please try to not take it so seriously.
P.S. I never heard of the fate thing. IME educated city people don't think that way. But, whatever.
Does it matter if anyone here says "Yes you should be insulted!" Is there some sort of net gain for you to feel insulted vs just merely annoyed at the inconvenience of being asked about fix ups?
Personally I think it's silly to be "insulted" over something like this. Jeez, at least they think you are worthy of being a mate. Take it as a compliment and move on.
Back in the day I used to get quite a few "You would be perfect for my son/nephew/neighbor/coworker" comments mainly because i was single and attractive. These people didn't really know much about me other than that. It was no big deal. I said no if I wanted to say "no" and yes if I wanted to meet someone.
I think they mean it as a compliment. If you want to take it as an insult than you can.
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You should not be insulted. It's just that old mindset of the older generation that is not native to this country. Especially when they still live like they are in their native country. They've made their housing into a village of sorts, where like minded old timers (not so much in age as in their thinking) can still practice their traditional beliefs.
Don't take it so personally. As another poster said, those granddaughters are probably feeling the same way you are.
Have fun with it and feel flattered that they think you're worthy.
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when they didn't recognize or brushed off my notion of wanting a compatible romantic partner. For example, when I asked: "OK, what does your granddaughter like to do?", the woman told me: "It doesn't matter, because fate decides people to be together." ("Umm, OK. 
" I'll forgive the clunky English, but not the mindset.)
