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Here is the bottom line, whether it was unintentional or not, the BIG issue is why the husband is not being a man and saying " If she isn't going, neither am I." At the VERY least, he should call his cousin and say "Got the invitation, _______ was not on it, what's up ?"
If they say "Oh, Jesus, we certainly want __________ to attend, we must have screwed up the invitation !", then all is well, and I would then go WITH MY WIFE. But if they give some other reason, like funds, etc, I would simply say, "Well, you realize it would hurt her deeply if I came alone, so I know you will understand why I am not there that day." Then I would not go, and I would distance myself from them in the future.
That is all it would take. That is what a strong, loving husband would do for his wife.
You know after a couple of hundred posts there are still a few possibilities that have not been mentioned, like what if the OP had some kind of "history" within the family that makes her persona non grata? I am not saying this is what happened but it could fit in the limited scenario she has laid out here. We certainly have seen some great stories on CD in the past.
Perhaps the OP had some kind of a relationship with the groom-to-be at a time the chronology would not be in her favor, or his? Perhaps she is that crazed cousin or aunt who kills a bottle of vodka on the way to the church and by the time she makes it to the reception stumbles over grandma in the wheelchair sending it careering into the stacked champagne classes awaiting the fountain-fill for the toast which then topples the table into the one holding the cake which then tumbles down the carpeted steps as the bride and groom make their grand entrance?
Maybe it was an error in transcribing the guest list; maybe the OP and her husband have been on and off for a while and the inviters thought it was an "off time;" maybe the inviters are just senseless to societal norms and chose an odd way to save a few bucks. I can't imagine the husband not questioning why, or what specific thing leads the OP to believe the snub was intentional but they both know more about what's going on behind the scenes than we do here.
We just got a wedding invitation from my husband's cousin. It specifies only one person is invited (my husband). While I don't know the cousin well, I have met him a couple of times (including at my wedding), and do know his mother a bit. It seems odd to me that I was left out, more because my husband and I have been married for over 10 years than because of my relationship with the cousin. How would you feel about this?
I find this incredible, so much so, that I keep thinking that I must have missed something.
The popular theory seems to be that it was an oversight, or maybe that the cousin didn't know that your husband had got married, but as the OP said, the cousin was at their wedding.
I don't know how it goes in the U.S., but I doubt that it's much different to what happens here.
Invitations almost always are like this;
Mr. and Mrs. Blank would like to invite you to the wedding of their son/daughter Blank junior.
Rarely if ever does the intended groom send out the invites, the bride maybe, so perhaps the brides parents were given a family list which hadn't been updated, and the cousin getting married has no idea of wording of the husband's invite.
Were I the husband in question, I'd be tempted to call my cousin, and jokingly ask him if he was trying to start WW3 by omitting my wife from the invitation.
He'll probably be surprised, and horrified, and move to put things right.
It's not good, but the OP's husband loves his family and doesn't want to jeopardize his relationship with them. I empathize and have attended my share of family functions to which my husband was not invited. I am fortunate in that my husband hasn't required me to choose between him and my family members who have rejected him. OP, you need to decide whether you can live with this or whether you need your husband to distance himself from these relatives. Either is a valid choice.
I've never been invited to any family get-together, party or whatever, and had my wife omitted from the invite.
If I had, there would have been no way on God's green earth that I'd have attended.
I love all the members of my family, aunts, uncles, cousins, their kids and grandkids, but no one, NO ONE, takes precedence over my wife, or my adult children from my first marriage.
Hurt any one of them emotionally and you will be dead to me, hurt them physically and you'd just be dead if I could get away with it.
Hell, I even take my ex-wife's side if any far flung family member begins to bad mouth her for no good reason.
You know after a couple of hundred posts there are still a few possibilities that have not been mentioned, like what if the OP had some kind of "history" within the family that makes her persona non grata? I am not saying this is what happened but it could fit in the limited scenario she has laid out here. We certainly have seen some great stories on CD in the past.
Perhaps the OP had some kind of a relationship with the groom-to-be at a time the chronology would not be in her favor, or his? Perhaps she is that crazed cousin or aunt who kills a bottle of vodka on the way to the church and by the time she makes it to the reception stumbles over grandma in the wheelchair sending it careering into the stacked champagne classes awaiting the fountain-fill for the toast which then topples the table into the one holding the cake which then tumbles down the carpeted steps as the bride and groom make their grand entrance?
Maybe it was an error in transcribing the guest list; maybe the OP and her husband have been on and off for a while and the inviters thought it was an "off time;" maybe the inviters are just senseless to societal norms and chose an odd way to save a few bucks. I can't imagine the husband not questioning why, or what specific thing leads the OP to believe the snub was intentional but they both know more about what's going on behind the scenes than we do here.
You're absolutely correct on that point. We only hear one side of the story on these kinds of posts.
I mean, I have a pretty tight knit family, with the exception of an aunt who is just a complete rhymeswithrich. She and I are civil to one another, but it's more like an armed truce than anything. Her son is also one very odd duck who is known for his social faux pas. But I've never had a cross word with the guy and even hosted Billy and his children one night when they drove through on vacation. Cooked them a nice steak dinner if I recall correctly. Made a special effort to attend his surprise 65th birthday celebration 300 miles away. Took a nice gift.
Yet when his daughter was married everybody was invited to the wedding but my wife and me. To this day, I'm not sure why we were omitted from the guest list. But I'm not going to waste much energy obsessing over it.
We just got a wedding invitation from my husband's cousin. It specifies only one person is invited (my husband). While I don't know the cousin well, I have met him a couple of times (including at my wedding), and do know his mother a bit. It seems odd to me that I was left out, more because my husband and I have been married for over 10 years than because of my relationship with the cousin. How would you feel about this?
I would feel offended as well if only my husband was invited to a wedding or similar occasion where the person inviting knows full well that Hubby is married and not single.
However, if it was a football game or some occasion that was for men only, I wouldn't mind.
Last edited by TruckWife518; 05-06-2017 at 11:08 AM..
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 25 days ago)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mochamajesty
Not really. The OP posted once and neverretured to answer the question of what hubby's role was in all of this.
Well, it fleshes out the story for me, anyway.
If the OP in this thread had just said "I don't get along with my husband's family and had a very miserable week at Christmas with them at my house. Now, we've received a wedding invitation from a cousin and he's invited but I'm not" I think there would be no mystery whatsoever there.
The thread would be over in about 3 responses.
I'm not saying who is at fault - who knows - but what is clear is that there is very bad blood between this OP and her husband's family, and that's why the cousin went to the extreme measure of inviting only the husband and not the wife. And why she knew it wasn't an oversight. And why he's willing to go without her.
It's all pretty clear, to me, at least.
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