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Maybe it's a small wedding and they can't afford to include everyone and their spouse. I am really surprised so many people are up on arms about it.
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Originally Posted by don1945
Think about this. You and I are married, and I get an invitation to a wedding and go alone. How does that make you feel, and what kind of husband would I be to leave you home alone while I attend ?
My first concern is always going to be my mate, and if they are too cheap to be able to have both of us there, then only invite immediate family.
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Originally Posted by photobuff42
If they can't afford it, they could handle it more gracefully by going down to the court house and getting married privately.
Excluding a spouse at a wedding screams that you have no business getting married.
Exactly. I don't care about the "gift grab" aspect of it that was mentioned earlier. To me, this is an exclusion issue. A married couple is a pair. They are each other's immediate family, and they are both now relatives in each other's extended family. It wouldn't be ok if only one spouse was invited to Christmas dinner would it? On a family vacation? Even if you didn't like a relative's spouse, too bad, they are unit, and that spouse is part of your family.
If cost is an issue, the wedding should be smaller.
I believe I'd have my husband call the bride's or groom's (whomever he is related to) mother and ask. Just say, "I was wondering if this is an oversight." And then if the invitation is only for him, I'd recommend he just send a gift and not go. That is odd. It's one thing for a boyfriend/girlfriend not to be invited, but a spouse? Weird.
If the invitation was only for him I would be offended and not bother with a gift.
It's because the aunt is sort of a buffer. If you call the cousin he might just say "oh it was a mistake" when it really wasn't, then OP would feel an awkward vibe. Maybe the bride had a budget and cut down her guest list by omitting OP. Usually the aunt would know the full truth. I'd rather get the scoop that way.
Adults need to be treated like adults; calling someone's mommy is not a help here. If the cousin says it was a mistake, that's fine but if it really wasn't a mistake the cousin's mom should not be the one to make excuses, awkward vibe or not.
Is it rude that only my husband was invited to a wedding?
Well it's certainly not customary. I wouldn't consider a wedding invitation to be properly tendered unless my wife's name were on it too. If she's not invited, then neither am I.
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Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
This happened to me once. In my case, I honestly think it was an oversight. I think they meant to update the list with my name or Mr and Mrs or whatever, but didn't. IIRC, the groom made a comment saying so at one point. We RSVP'ed for 2 and both went. The others in this friend group all brought dates, and I had been married to my husband for probably 15 years.
Actually, this happened twice. The other time I had just gotten serious with my BF (now husband), and I don't think the bride knew. I went alone and left early.
Do you and/or your husband want to go?
Even if the wedding party isn't sure if the invitee has a spouse or SO, it's customary to provide an open-ended invitation for one ala "William Smith and Guest."
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Originally Posted by Coloradomom22
It's because the aunt is sort of a buffer. If you call the cousin he might just say "oh it was a mistake" when it really wasn't, then OP would feel an awkward vibe. Maybe the bride had a budget and cut down her guest list by omitting OP. Usually the aunt would know the full truth. I'd rather get the scoop that way.
But then you're just putting the aunt on the spot. Unless she curated the guest list, they have no business putting her in the middle of it.
I don't really know. I'm just wondering. I'm really a little bit confused by current behavior and am wondering what's going on. I see a website of "wedding felons", and I see girls hosting their own wedding showers, or mothers hosting their own baby showers, and I'm just thinking, what the hell. This is another one of those what the hell moments, I'm blindsided by people's behavior.
I have always had the belief that it was rude to host your own showers, but looking back, I never had a bridal or baby shower for either kid. I really felt like I have missed out and have often thought I should have just done it myself since it was important for me to want to have those experiences. I do not know what the right answer is when you do not have a friend or relative that would do it for you.
The reason I think that omitting the wife on the invitation was not an oversight, but intentional, is that they know, when they are filling out that invitation, that he is married. It would be very hard to "forget" to write her name on it too. It was intentionally left off, and , even if it was a cost saving measure, it was done in very bad taste.
However, being the inquisitive person I am, I would phone the cousin and say "Hey, BTW, you left ______ off of the invitation, what's up with that ?" If they say they were saving money or any other reason than they forgot, I would tell them she and I are a couple and I would never attend without her. Cousin or no cousin, it was rude and they need to be called on it.
This is bizarre. I don't see how it's an oversight since the cousin was actually at the OP's wedding, and there is wording specifically excluding the wife. It is completely improper to exclude a married spouse in the invitation. I understand some people draw the line at married/unmarried, and you see this complaint from couples who have been together and for all social purposes are the same as married (and I agree with their gripe), but to actually intentionally exclude a long-married spouse whose wedding you attended, well, it's really a slap in the face.
If the wedding couple couldn't afford to have the cousin's spouse, then the cousin should not have been invited, either.
I'd be tempted to write on the response card "My wife needs me home that day," or even something indicating we would have been happy to attend if both were invited. I'd still send a gift, but not nearly as nice a gift as I otherwise would have. (I'd usually give $100 or something really nice from the registry that was at least that amount. If this situation happened to me, I'd send a $25 gift card from someplace where they were registered.)
At the very least, he should call them and say "By the way, you do know I am married, don't you ?" It will be interesting to hear how this one turns out.
I think he should show up at the cousin's house on his motorcycle and rev his engine real loud until the cousin agrees to come out to the front yard and talk about it man to man.
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