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I'm sorry for your loss and wish your family well with this new little one.
Some pregnant parents talk a lot about their pregnancies, others take it in stride - if you are one of the former, this may "provoke" for lack of a better word, not intentional at all by you, his ignorant remarks. My comment is not meant to mean-spirited nor attack you in any way, just providing another perspective. I say ghost the guy for a couple of years, re-evaluate - he is polluting your space at this time in your life.
I'm sorry for your loss and wish your family well with this new little one.
Some pregnant parents talk a lot about their pregnancies, others take it in stride - if you are one of the former, this may "provoke" for lack of a better word, not intentional at all by you, his ignorant remarks. My comment is not meant to mean-spirited nor attack you in any way, just providing another perspective. I say ghost the guy for a couple of years, re-evaluate - he is polluting your space at this time in your life.
We didn't talk about it-- my partner slipped and mentioned it like in a "no wine for her, not for a while" sort of way. We really hadn't planned on telling him at all or talking about it until we know more about the well being of the pregnancy.
He sounds like a major douchbag. I would just try and limit time spent with him. You guys must be young, at this stage in life I ain't putting up with that kind of crapola.
We didn't talk about it-- my partner slipped and mentioned it like in a "no wine for her, not for a while" sort of way. We really hadn't planned on telling him at all or talking about it until we know more about the well being of the pregnancy.
Chowhound, you beat me to calling him a douchebag! OP, not only do you and your mate not need this negativity surrounding you right now, but did you really want this jerk anywhere near a baby? Tell him to shove off.
Last edited by Booger Branch Betty; 05-30-2017 at 09:44 PM..
Reason: Misspelling
Anyone that isn't happy for you is an idiot and I say this as a childless person that has had friends drift away when they had children. I understood. Most people do.
People have united in saying this guy isn't a friend. And maybe he isn't. A true friend would want you to achieve your hopes and dreams, even if they were in the dumps. But true friends should also be able to share their genuine reactions with each other. Perhaps this guy is too stuck in his own stuff to realize he is killing your joy about something that means the world to you. But he has a right to his feelings about it. The problem is, he isn't articulating his feelings...he's hiding them behind blanket statements about how people feel about babies. If he were to say, "I know this is something you've always wanted and I so want to be happy for you, but I'm stuck in my own misery and recognize that you living this dream makes me feel more alone" - would everyone feel the same way about him?
. . .
Obviously, this isn't what he's articulating. And we don't know the reasons/history behind this friendship. OP knows better than we do about what's going on with this person and why the friendship exists. That said, if he even has potential as a friend, your telling him about your family journey should at the very least elicit an embarrassed response on his part. You can't hear that a person has lost a child and desperately wanted another and think "meh" if you are a true friend.
I liked your post -- it was thoughtful and caring for all parties in this predicament.
However . . .
No matter how "miserable" the friend is, it seems like a no-brainer that if someone tells you they are having a baby and seems pleased at the prospect, you don't pee on their parade. If he's having a tough time and is feeling bereft and alone because his friends are having a baby, I would kindly suggest that he needs to pull his head out of his arse and take his pity party elsewhere. The OP and her husband shouldn't be scrambling trying to find a way to assauge his feelings of loneliness because they are putting his world out of kilter by having a baby. As you say, hopefully, when he finds out what their history is, he will remember all the rude and callous things he said and will be deeply embarrassed. If not, he needs to find someplace else to hang out.
People have united in saying this guy isn't a friend. And maybe he isn't. A true friend would want you to achieve your hopes and dreams, even if they were in the dumps. But true friends should also be able to share their genuine reactions with each other. Perhaps this guy is too stuck in his own stuff to realize he is killing your joy about something that means the world to you. But he has a right to his feelings about it. The problem is, he isn't articulating his feelings...he's hiding them behind blanket statements about how people feel about babies. If he were to say, "I know this is something you've always wanted and I so want to be happy for you, but I'm stuck in my own misery and recognize that you living this dream makes me feel more alone" - would everyone feel the same way about him?
Actually, I couldn't disagree with you more here. I find that the entire "he has a right to his feelings about it" nonsense is usually offered up when someone is wanting to behave either selfishly or contrary to established facts in a given situation.
When a friend is rejoicing in a situation, your feelings are entirely irrelevant. Your role as a friend is to rejoice with them or keep your mouth shut. And it certainly isn't to rain on their parade. That's just good old-fashioned narcissism.
Last edited by MinivanDriver; 05-31-2017 at 10:02 AM..
Next, kick him in the balls and tell him to go get his own life. What a jerk. Give him a pacifier and blankie and tell him "sorry mate, yes, you are being replaced by a real baby...go find new parents".
Sorry, a story a little close to home. But still, huge congrats to you.
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