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Last year I was finally openly gay. I met another gay guy and became friends based off of that (I made it very clear that I was not interested in hooking up or anything of the sort). We hated the same people (at the time I was legitimately traumatized by mental abuse I went through from a narcissist and his enablers), and I guess I stuck onto that for a couple months; but that's all we would talk about.
He would go overboard though, and constantly talk about, quite frankly, concerning ways to get revenge. Like hack into phones or whatever. And I wasn't about it. He did this constantly and schemed to get back at people all the time.
I matured and didn't want to gossip or anything of the sort. Talking about the past means staying in the past.
As a person, I felt like we don't click at all. The only thing we have in common is being gay.
Aside from that, he has sent me selfies literally dozens of times and not once have I ever replied to them. I've even tried to come up with an excuse to get him to not send them and yet he still would send them.
Before even hanging out a second time I tried ending the friendship but he insisted. I gave it another chance.
At the beginning of this year, I still wasn't feeling it. He would constantly text me, and our conversations would last until 3 am and they were incredibly draining and his behavior really concerned me. I tried telling him that the things he does concerns me, and how I'm not a supportive friend and I criticize him often and it makes me feel bad, and I also mentioned that our personalities are different and I feel like we don't mesh well. He said "oh ok, I understand." I thought he got the message.
But then a few weeks pass, and he asks "are you still mad at me?" I was very confused. I said that our personalities were different and didn't match...
Then after a couple of weeks I pretty much started blowing up on him. And then he blew up on me for how much I've criticized him and called me a monster. He stated that he's changing his personality, and obviously I didn't buy it (and I wouldn't want him to change his personality for me anyways). He then asked a couple days later to meet up and talk and I said no.
Then I thought it was over. But... after a few weeks, he just texted me and started venting to me. And I replied and then he vented to me about stuff for a couple weeks then he started doing his regular stuff. I've also noticed that he is trying to become more like me, and constantly talks about "us" like we're the same person.
He also constantly texts me disgusting things or disgusting details about his hook ups and EVERY single time, I have either not replied, or I've only replied with "ew," or told him to stop and that I'd rather not hear it. And he still does it. The last 3 times he's initiated a conversation, first time I didn't reply. Second time, I replied with "nice!" and that's it. Last time I didn't reply. And he still doesn't get it.
I don't like any of his posts on social media. I don't initiate any convos. I don't initiate any hang outs and I reject 99% of the offers. I've tried to end the friendship like 5 times already. I've been cold for a majority of the friendship.
I feel very bad. Because aside from staying up and giving him advice I haven't been a truly supportive friend and it's very obvious that he puts in all the effort. He's even bought me food and spent money on me which I thought was unnecessary. He also has complimented me TONS of times and I've never done the same. I thought straight-up telling him that I don't think we have matching personalities would be enough. But it wasn't. I don't know what to do. I can only ignore so many messages before I feel really bad. I don't hate him, I just don't want him to be anything more than an acquaintance. I don't want someone to have a one-sided friendship with me.
I thought straight-up telling him that I don't think we have matching personalities would be enough. I can only ignore so many messages before I feel really bad. I don't hate him, I just don't want him to be anything more than an acquaintance. I don't want someone to have a one-sided friendship with me.
What about telling him the above?
He does sound like someone who doesn't respect the boundaries of others which IMO is a deal breaker for someone to be in my life.
If he still doesn't get it then I agree with the other poster that you should block him.
Best of luck.
You've done much more than hint, but he's also taken your continued interaction as ultimate acceptance. You're probably going to have to cut ties totally.
So you have only met this person face to face one time a year ago and he has been an online-only friend ever since? What is stopping you from just, I don't know, logging off?
Is there something about social media I am not getting? It seems like it would be utterly simple to just not respond. And yet I see people seemingly unable to extract themselves from conversations they don't want to have.
Last year I was finally openly gay. I met another gay guy and became friends based off of that (I made it very clear that I was not interested in hooking up or anything of the sort). We hated the same people (at the time I was legitimately traumatized by mental abuse I went through from a narcissist and his enablers), and I guess I stuck onto that for a couple months; but that's all we would talk about.
He would go overboard though, and constantly talk about, quite frankly, concerning ways to get revenge. Like hack into phones or whatever. And I wasn't about it. He did this constantly and schemed to get back at people all the time.
I matured and didn't want to gossip or anything of the sort. Talking about the past means staying in the past.
As a person, I felt like we don't click at all. The only thing we have in common is being gay.
Aside from that, he has sent me selfies literally dozens of times and not once have I ever replied to them. I've even tried to come up with an excuse to get him to not send them and yet he still would send them.
Before even hanging out a second time I tried ending the friendship but he insisted. I gave it another chance.
At the beginning of this year, I still wasn't feeling it. He would constantly text me, and our conversations would last until 3 am and they were incredibly draining and his behavior really concerned me. I tried telling him that the things he does concerns me, and how I'm not a supportive friend and I criticize him often and it makes me feel bad, and I also mentioned that our personalities are different and I feel like we don't mesh well. He said "oh ok, I understand." I thought he got the message.
But then a few weeks pass, and he asks "are you still mad at me?" I was very confused. I said that our personalities were different and didn't match...
Then after a couple of weeks I pretty much started blowing up on him. And then he blew up on me for how much I've criticized him and called me a monster. He stated that he's changing his personality, and obviously I didn't buy it (and I wouldn't want him to change his personality for me anyways). He then asked a couple days later to meet up and talk and I said no.
Then I thought it was over. But... after a few weeks, he just texted me and started venting to me. And I replied and then he vented to me about stuff for a couple weeks then he started doing his regular stuff. I've also noticed that he is trying to become more like me, and constantly talks about "us" like we're the same person.
He also constantly texts me disgusting things or disgusting details about his hook ups and EVERY single time, I have either not replied, or I've only replied with "ew," or told him to stop and that I'd rather not hear it. And he still does it. The last 3 times he's initiated a conversation, first time I didn't reply. Second time, I replied with "nice!" and that's it. Last time I didn't reply. And he still doesn't get it.
I don't like any of his posts on social media. I don't initiate any convos. I don't initiate any hang outs and I reject 99% of the offers. I've tried to end the friendship like 5 times already. I've been cold for a majority of the friendship.
I feel very bad. Because aside from staying up and giving him advice I haven't been a truly supportive friend and it's very obvious that he puts in all the effort. He's even bought me food and spent money on me which I thought was unnecessary. He also has complimented me TONS of times and I've never done the same. I thought straight-up telling him that I don't think we have matching personalities would be enough. But it wasn't. I don't know what to do. I can only ignore so many messages before I feel really bad. I don't hate him, I just don't want him to be anything more than an acquaintance. I don't want someone to have a one-sided friendship with me.
Some people, like myself, don't take hints very well at all. But if you're having a hard time being direct, sow him this exact same message, unedited. Either have him go on city data or email him this message.
He wants attention, and you're giving it to him. Since you're not actual, physical friends with a long shared history, you don't owe him a response to everything he throws at you. Just go no contact.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 06-01-2017 at 11:08 AM..
Is there something about social media I am not getting? It seems like it would be utterly simple to just not respond. And yet I see people seemingly unable to extract themselves from conversations they don't want to have.
Last year I was finally openly gay. I met another gay guy and became friends based off of that (I made it very clear that I was not interested in hooking up or anything of the sort). We hated the same people (at the time I was legitimately traumatized by mental abuse I went through from a narcissist and his enablers), and I guess I stuck onto that for a couple months; but that's all we would talk about.
He would go overboard though, and constantly talk about, quite frankly, concerning ways to get revenge. Like hack into phones or whatever. And I wasn't about it. He did this constantly and schemed to get back at people all the time.
I matured and didn't want to gossip or anything of the sort. Talking about the past means staying in the past.
As a person, I felt like we don't click at all. The only thing we have in common is being gay.
Aside from that, he has sent me selfies literally dozens of times and not once have I ever replied to them. I've even tried to come up with an excuse to get him to not send them and yet he still would send them.
Before even hanging out a second time I tried ending the friendship but he insisted. I gave it another chance.
At the beginning of this year, I still wasn't feeling it. He would constantly text me, and our conversations would last until 3 am and they were incredibly draining and his behavior really concerned me. I tried telling him that the things he does concerns me, and how I'm not a supportive friend and I criticize him often and it makes me feel bad, and I also mentioned that our personalities are different and I feel like we don't mesh well. He said "oh ok, I understand." I thought he got the message.
But then a few weeks pass, and he asks "are you still mad at me?" I was very confused. I said that our personalities were different and didn't match...
Then after a couple of weeks I pretty much started blowing up on him. And then he blew up on me for how much I've criticized him and called me a monster. He stated that he's changing his personality, and obviously I didn't buy it (and I wouldn't want him to change his personality for me anyways). He then asked a couple days later to meet up and talk and I said no.
Then I thought it was over. But... after a few weeks, he just texted me and started venting to me. And I replied and then he vented to me about stuff for a couple weeks then he started doing his regular stuff. I've also noticed that he is trying to become more like me, and constantly talks about "us" like we're the same person.
He also constantly texts me disgusting things or disgusting details about his hook ups and EVERY single time, I have either not replied, or I've only replied with "ew," or told him to stop and that I'd rather not hear it. And he still does it. The last 3 times he's initiated a conversation, first time I didn't reply. Second time, I replied with "nice!" and that's it. Last time I didn't reply. And he still doesn't get it.
I don't like any of his posts on social media. I don't initiate any convos. I don't initiate any hang outs and I reject 99% of the offers. I've tried to end the friendship like 5 times already. I've been cold for a majority of the friendship.
I feel very bad. Because aside from staying up and giving him advice I haven't been a truly supportive friend and it's very obvious that he puts in all the effort. He's even bought me food and spent money on me which I thought was unnecessary. He also has complimented me TONS of times and I've never done the same. I thought straight-up telling him that I don't think we have matching personalities would be enough. But it wasn't. I don't know what to do. I can only ignore so many messages before I feel really bad. I don't hate him, I just don't want him to be anything more than an acquaintance. I don't want someone to have a one-sided friendship with me.
Block him. Problem solved.
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