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Incorrect. The DSM-5 regrouped all autism under a single heading. High-functioning autism that presents absent a language acquisition delay (i.e. diagnostic criteria for Asperger's) is still included.
Your experience (whatever it is) does not apply to autism. You can't "will youself" out of having a complex neurological disorder.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
krmb, sadly you missed the "classes" when they were actually taught in most schools, in early childhood and the primary grades (but my school system had the classes right through HS graduation for the kids who needed them). Our speech therapists started the formal instruction when the kids with autism were age three.
But, it is never too late to learn those skills. Heck, I bet that you, and the OPs brother, could even learn needed social skills by reading and following social stories. They write them at all levels and for all types of issues. Look on the internet. They may be listed as for "teen or young adult" social stories.
I have recently been diagnosed with asperger's and realizing that I cannot will myself out of it
I'm not sure what 'classes' are being referred to but they never had any when I was growing up and I never needed speech lessons/classes. And it was rare to recognize aspergers in young children back in the day. There were no 'learn social interaction class' and as alluded to by krmb, society doesn't punsish people who suck at math or english, philosophy, history etc.. But Aspies are being told to adjust & get over it
That said, I feel that the OP should be looking for an apartment for his brother, it's unfair for his parents to ask him to be his brother's caretaker imo.
My understanding is it has been removed from the MDS or whatever book they use for listing diagnoses.
My experience is its not something anyone is stuck with, but I observe them CLING to it.
It becomes the excuse for not wanting to change, they say they cannot change.
Cannot lives on Willnot street.
It's called DSM 5. They didn't remove it, they removed it as a separate category and included it under the wider umbrella diagnosis Autism Spectrum Disorders, because that's what it is, albeit milder form.
This is all just opinion, I'm no expert, but I think Aspies tend to need other people's requirements or demands spelled out for them, and need negative consequences (within reason) for failing to meet those standards. It's not because they don't give a damn or because they are incapable of turning off a light or cleaning their room. But they live so much inside their own heads that they aren't always aware how they are affecting others around them.
Since many of them are quite intelligent, they do comprehend the need for cleanliness and paying the bills. But they never get around to it, because they are fixated on other, more abstract things. They don't want to annoy others, and will usually do what they're told to have harmony. But they need to be told what to do. They may grouse about it, because such basic things intrude on their shut-the-world-out mindsets. But when forced, they will clean and pay on time.
Tell him that if he continues to use your stuff, you expect him to contribute to the household shopping bill. Be firm about it. Tape a reminder to the refrigerator and next to the mirror in the bathroom. Verbally remind him as shopping day approaches.
He (and you) might even prefer simply raising his room rent to cover the added costs. It's easier that way, and frees up his mind to think about other issues.
As for cleanliness, tell him everything has to be cleaned on the spot. If a glass is used, it must be washed. No trash can be left on table surfaces. Clean-as-you-go should be the policy. You have to adhere to it too, though, or it won't work. If he can't stick to it, declare some rooms off-limits. Allow him to clutter his own room as much as he wants (Aspies need a place for clutter) but don't tolerate anything that produces odor detectable beyond his door. If his clothes stink, go ahead and tell him they stink. He probably doesn't notice himself, or thinks nobody else will.
If he keeps whining about wanting a place of his own, then tell him to take the practical steps needed to get one. Help him out, check listings, etc. If he wants to go so bad, let him go. But if you wait for him to do it on his own, the day will never arrive. Once on their own, most Aspies do learn quickly that paying rent is a priority, even if cleanliness isn't always.
Yet he managed to land, and now works a full time job.
Does his boss have to tell him everyday over and over again what he needs to do? Very doubtful.
He must eat lunch at work, does he just leave a mess and someone else cleans it up? Again doubtful.
Sounds like the parents did everything and have now dumped him on the OP.
One poster suggested lists. Post them around the house if need be on the refrigerator, in the bathroom, etc.
I have recently been diagnosed with asperger's and realizing that I cannot will myself out of it
I'm not sure what 'classes' are being referred to but they never had any when I was growing up and I never needed speech lessons/classes. And it was rare to recognize aspergers in young children back in the day. There were no 'learn social interaction class' and as alluded to by krmb, society doesn't punsish people who suck at math or english, philosophy, history etc.. But Aspies are being told to adjust & get over it
That said, I feel that the OP should be looking for an apartment for his brother, it's unfair for his parents to ask him to be his brother's caretaker imo.
Some public schools have had various social skills classes for decades. My district offered a variety of groups, sometimes ran by speech therapists, other times by special education teachers and other times by guidance counselors since the late 1970s. I know because I taught one of the classes starting in the 1979/1980 school year. Did every child who needed the classes have the classes? No. But, my school district did a very nice job of diagnosing and providing services to most of the children who needed the classes, especially in the last 20 years.
When I retired in 2009, our district had a wide variety of social skills training classes/clubs/opportunity for students age three through HS seniors, both for children in special education and for children in regular education. We also had special groups, at all levels, just for children with Aspergers.
To everyone who is thinking "Well my school, or my children's schools, never had those groups" you may be wrong. These groups were/are often very quiet and unassuming. Usually the other children never knew why their classmates went to "Friendship Time" or "Circle of Friends" or "Lunch with Mrs. Jones" or "Super Friends Time" or "After School Fun Group" (all actual names of various groups in my elementary building over the years).
At my local HS one of the groups is scheduled during "club time" so the other kids have no idea that while they are in Art Club or Current Events Club or Computer Club some of their peers are working on building appropriate social interaction at "Tuesday Lunch Club" (it's current name). Plus, other groups are held during class time (if it is a self contained special education class).
Back to the thread.
Last edited by germaine2626; 06-07-2017 at 11:34 AM..
But, it is never too late to learn those skills. Heck, I bet that you, and the OPs brother, could even learn needed social skills by reading and following social stories. They write them at all levels and for all types of issues. Look on the internet. They may be listed as for "teen or young adult" social stories.
The social stories sound like scripts, which would be a useful and good thing for HFA. But I'm not sure how you can have a script for every kind of situation involving other people.
I have recently been diagnosed with asperger's and realizing that I cannot will myself out of it
I'm not sure what 'classes' are being referred to but they never had any when I was growing up and I never needed speech lessons/classes. And it was rare to recognize aspergers in young children back in the day. There were no 'learn social interaction class' and as alluded to by krmb, society doesn't punsish people who suck at math or english, philosophy, history etc.. But Aspies are being told to adjust & get over it
That said, I feel that the OP should be looking for an apartment for his brother, it's unfair for his parents to ask him to be his brother's caretaker imo.
She's talking about basic social skills instruction, as are a big part of early childhood and elementary education. When she was that age, she was not yet diagnosed, not receiving any modified or individualized instruction as children with IEPs do, and any of that instruction as it was presented did not help her.
Social interaction isn't typically presented as a stand alone class in public non-special ed settings (we did have specific social skills-focused classes in the private behavioral school I used to teach at, but it was exclusively students with special needs). It is generally embedded in regular classroom activities.
The family dynamic and whether or not it is unfair isn't for those not in the situation to decide. Whatever living situations work for families of the disabled are their business and theirs alone. My husband's cousin is a 48-year old with classic, Kanner-type autism. He has always lived with parents. He holds a full-time job as a grocery bagger at a neighborhood supermarket, gets around town via city bus, and takes social trips with a group of other adults with autism. They do bus trips on weekends. He is independent at about the level of a 13 or 14-year old, and is verbal, self-sufficient on basic self care tasks and following a schedule and clear procedures, like at work, but his emotional maturity and impulse control are both insufficient for him to live without live-in support.
His father passed away last year, so he is with his mom. When she can no longer care for him, the plan is for his younger brother, his wife, and their two kids to relocate back to the area and live in the family home with him, so he doesn't have to leave his job and learn a new city in his 50s or older. They have chosen this. They choose for him to stay with family. If the OP agreed to the living situation, as indicated, that is his or her business.
The social stories sound like scripts, which would be a useful and good thing for HFA. But I'm not sure how you can have a script for every kind of situation involving other people.
Social stories are exactly that, scripts. They don't work for every individual, but when they do, they tend to work VERY well.
It's called DSM 5. They didn't remove it, they removed it as a separate category and included it under the wider umbrella diagnosis Autism Spectrum Disorders, because that's what it is, albeit milder form.
Yep, though I wouldn't necessarily go with milder as a description, since it is such a subjective term, and having severe social skill deficits and associated depression/anxiety/isolation/stigmatization from same certainly doesn't feel mild to those affected. Mild is in the eye of the beholder. Really, the only foolproof distinction I've ever known with the former Asperger-type diagnosis is that language acquisition delay is not generally diagnostic criteria, as it is with other forms of ASD.
If he is functional enough to work, he is functional enough to pick up after himself. He may need it to be super structured...like, chore checklists (obviously not childish checklists, as adults find that condescending, but maybe checklist apps, calendar apps that will provide systematic alerts when things re due and what his share is).
If your brother is serious about living on his own, and it's not just something to say when he's mad, perhaps you could sit down with him and make a game plan for how he could work toward that. Stress to him that in his time with you, he really needs to practice the life skills he'll need if he gets his own place...things like keeping things clean and stocked, and tracking finances and budgeting. Emphasize it helping him to be more independent.
I taught adolescents with high functioning autism/Asperger's for a long time, and very clear expectations with solid rules and framework were very helpful.
Of course you are right. If the brother can hold a job, he can learn the life skills he needs. OPs brother has not learned these things. Is it her responsibility to teach him, if he is not receptive? I don't think so, if it means he ruins the sanctity of her home?
It seems that her parents have abdicated their responsibility. She should help him get the social services he needs and then help him get into his own place.
My nephew has Aspergers and owns his own house and has a good job. His social skills are lacking, but he seems pretty content.
I have a brother that has Asperger's syndrome that recently moved in with me. He had been living with my parents before that. He is very intelligent but has some social skill problems and not the cleanest person.
My area has more jobs than where my parents live and he was able to get a full time job. I agreed to let him move in and rent a room but I have to constantly clean up after him and remind of things like turning off the lights and replacing stuff. He never buys anything except for himself and just uses all my stuff (like toilet paper, paper towels, plates cups, etc.) without ever contributing. I have to constantly ask him about paying the rent and sometimes he does and sometime he doesn't. Not to mention he goes on these tangents about how he is tired of "people talking down to him... and he can't wait to get his own place with no rules"
Our parents don't seem to be doing more and in some ways I feel they just passed him off on to me. I love my family, both my parents and my brother but it is starting to get to me. Not only that, but my mom still gives him money like he is a child and doesn't seem to regard my feelings as she sees me as the "adult".
The whole thing just makes me a little upset and I was wondering if someone else was going through something similar or could give recommendations. Thank you.
You decided to take in someone who has this without doing any research about it? I feel sorry for you because you have now taken on this huge burden.I would tell him that he has 30 days to get out and find his own place since he does have a full-time job.No sense in him living with you...right???
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