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I would probably remind them of their strong religious convictions that caused them to disown you in the first place and them recommend that they pray for the fake cancer. But then I am not as forgiving as most. Probably better to just ignore and move on. Sorry you have to decide what to do at all.
Wow. Some people have a lot of nerve, and some people really have no shame! OP, the best thing you can do is not respond, block her, and forget about your parents. The best revenge is a life well-lived, and you've done an amazing job!
Take some time to grieve the loving, supportive parents you never had. To move the anger energy out of your system, write a poison pen letter to your mom, but don't mail it! Block out a half hour or an hour of your time, and sit down, and just start writing everything you'd like to say to her. Let it flow onto the page. Keep writing everything that comes to mind, a stream-of-consciousness kind of thing; don't hold back. Keep writing, until you have nothing left to write (could be pages. Whatever it takes). You can dispose of the letter different ways; burn it in the sink (flames can be remarkably cleansing, purifying), or you could create a little ceremony, gather together some other symbolic items or a photo of her if you have one, and create a burial ceremony in the back yard, with your husband accompanying you.
If you feel anger welling up again sometime, repeat the poison letter exercise, or get a tennis racket or plastic baseball bat, and pound on pillows on the sofa. Pound out all that anger, loss, and whatever emotions come up.
So sorry that happened, but be aware that a lot of parents are far less than the ideal. And congratulations on your success against all odds!
OP: Block them on any and all social media, email, cell phone, etc.
Do not respond to the message.
Continue to move forward in your life and do not fall back into the past
Be proud of the man you and your husband raised and what you have accomplished without the input of your family
and personally I would not be in contact with any part of the family to find out what is or is not going on.
The contact can perhaps make your parents believe that you have opened the door for them to return to your life since you
made the effort to ask about them.
I was disowned by my parents when I was 17 after becoming pregnant with my husband (was my boyfriend back then).
...
The early years of my son’s life were among the hardest I have endured.
...
Our son is now 19 and in college. I couldn’t be prouder of the young man he’s turned into.
...
When he was 26, my husband started a business with his twin brother. It started slow and modestly in the first few years, but boomed soon after. Financially, we’re now in a very good position.
...
She claimed to be sorry for disowning me...and they needed money for treatment.
Tell this person you barely know to f*ck off. She is not a mother; she is an egg donor, and the man is merely a sperm donor.
I am so proud of you that you battled probably one of the worst things you could ever go through in life and not only did you make it, you stayed married, your child is in college and you are successful!
Move ahead without those toxic people and don't look back!
And yes I would absolutely block her, AFTER I told her to f*ck off. Because God forbid, I wouldn't want her to think I never got her message. I want that response driven HOME.
I had a similar returning grandmother who thought I should forgive my father for being jerk to me (and HER & his own father). Our ENTIRE LIVES. Completely self centered and uninvolved in either of our lives UNLESS HE WANTED SOMETHING.
When he got a probably terminal cancer dx.
She only asked me to contact him and didn't even ask for money and I said no way in hell. I have nothing to say. REally weird since when his father (her husband) got both legs amputated w cancer HE NEVER EVEN DROVE UP 1 HOUR TO SEE HIM.
She never called me again even THOUGH I was by her side my whole life and he wasn't.
I agree with Ruth - tell her exactly how you feel about them, read it a few times and then throw it away.
Living well is the best revenge and I am so happy for you, your husband and son that you made it. You have a lot to be proud of and I would not invite these hypocrites back into your life. Block her, change your Facebook settings to private and enjoy the rest of your life with your own little family. :-)
Edited to add - I also agree with Convex - send a brief note through FB Messenger or whatever letting her know you received her message and you are not interested in establishing any relationship. That way she will know you did receive her first message.
I was disowned by my parents when I was 17 after becoming pregnant with my husband (was my boyfriend back then). He was also 17 at the time. We always used protection but a night of drunken, teenage lust saw us discard common sense. My parents are very religious and my pregnancy was unable to co-exist with their faith. Plus my husband is a mix of Black/Hispanic, and that didn’t sit too well with them.
The early years of my son’s life were among the hardest I have endured. I and my husband had no idea about being parents. We were kids ourselves. From barely scraping enough money to pay the rent to being shocked with the transition from being fun-loving teens to being responsible for a little human being 24/7. Things got better as our son grew and we gained experienced and became wiser, but it was still a struggle. Not just because of raising a child but also strains in our relationship. But we got through it.
Our son is now 19 and in college. I couldn’t be prouder of the young man he’s turned into.
When he was 26, my husband started a business with his twin brother. It started slow and modestly in the first few years, but boomed soon after. Financially, we’re now in a very good position. My parents must have heard about it.
Recently, I received a Facebook message from my mother. She claimed to be sorry for disowning me, saying she made a terrible mistake and how she wishes she could take back all the time lost. Then she claimed my father had cancer and they needed money for treatment. This is after 20 years of no contact with me.
I thought I’d put everything behind me but the anger I felt when I read that message proves that I haven’t. I called a cousin back home and asked about the cancer. She said knows nothing about it. It hasn’t been mentioned in the family. She said if my dad had cancer, they would’ve all known.
This just served to heighten my anger. They are clearly looking for a handout and the fact they lied to me, saying my dad has cancer, is absolutely disgusting. I haven’t responded to the message. Part of me wants to respond to my mother, writing everything I feel in uncensored fashion. My husband says it’s best to just ignore the message – that answering it will only serve to hurt me farther. The logical part in me knows what he says is true, but the impulsive part wants to respond in scathing fashion.
OP tell her to put a black dot on the palm of her hand!
I was disowned by my parents when I was 17 after becoming pregnant with my husband (was my boyfriend back then). He was also 17 at the time. We always used protection but a night of drunken, teenage lust saw us discard common sense. My parents are very religious and my pregnancy was unable to co-exist with their faith. Plus my husband is a mix of Black/Hispanic, and that didn’t sit too well with them.
The early years of my son’s life were among the hardest I have endured. I and my husband had no idea about being parents. We were kids ourselves. From barely scraping enough money to pay the rent to being shocked with the transition from being fun-loving teens to being responsible for a little human being 24/7. Things got better as our son grew and we gained experienced and became wiser, but it was still a struggle. Not just because of raising a child but also strains in our relationship. But we got through it.
Our son is now 19 and in college. I couldn’t be prouder of the young man he’s turned into.
When he was 26, my husband started a business with his twin brother. It started slow and modestly in the first few years, but boomed soon after. Financially, we’re now in a very good position. My parents must have heard about it.
Recently, I received a Facebook message from my mother. She claimed to be sorry for disowning me, saying she made a terrible mistake and how she wishes she could take back all the time lost. Then she claimed my father had cancer and they needed money for treatment. This is after 20 years of no contact with me.
I thought I’d put everything behind me but the anger I felt when I read that message proves that I haven’t. I called a cousin back home and asked about the cancer. She said knows nothing about it. It hasn’t been mentioned in the family. She said if my dad had cancer, they would’ve all known.
This just served to heighten my anger. They are clearly looking for a handout and the fact they lied to me, saying my dad has cancer, is absolutely disgusting. I haven’t responded to the message. Part of me wants to respond to my mother, writing everything I feel in uncensored fashion. My husband says it’s best to just ignore the message – that answering it will only serve to hurt me farther. The logical part in me knows what he says is true, but the impulsive part wants to respond in scathing fashion.
Thats almost like a Nigerian scam in your junk mail section ! I bet you do want to let loose on these people . If you can just ignore and let them lie in the bed they so rudely made OR like Convex said let them have it once ,FORCEFULLY, then block.
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