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My parents welcomed me home 3 times when I was between 18 and 24. Stuff happened, it was nice of them to give me a place to make a "go" of being an adult. Mind you, every time I left they moved house. Once across the country, and then into smaller and smaller places, ending up in a condo. I took the hint! lol
My daughter is 22, in university and living on her own. We've told her repeatedly that she's more than welcome to come live with us whenever she needs to.
Mind you, I'm sure that there would be a point where my parents, and now my husband and I, would rescind such an invitation. Like not even trying to move into adulthood - not going to school or not working. But as long as the situation isn't taken advantage of, why not?
At this point though the kids are 29, 32, and 33 and all have really good jobs and careers.
Actually, I probably couldn't pay them to move home.
My sister in law has six kids combined and just got rid of her last two(she had two, he had three, they had one together but growing up they all lived together) that were 23 and 25. As soon as she got rid of them she and my BIL downsized to a two bedroom home so none of the kids could move home.
I would let my kids live with me during their adulthood, if they needed to or even just felt they didn't like living alone. I would hope that nobody else would try to make it their business. It is the family's private decision. The reasons for it are again, no one else's business.
My "family home" is for family. It's a home. Not much to debate as I do not age or education discriminate.
Food ..And shelter are necessities....As is my love for my kin. I'm old fashion in believing family ties..Create family stability.
Our family had a "family home" that got us through the Depression. The concept went away for a generation, but my wife and I intend to bring it back for our children and their children--and fortunately our children are in favor of it.
Interestingly, the 1% never abandoned the idea of the "family home."
Interestingly, the 1% never abandoned the idea of the "family home."
Come to think of it, I know a wealthy man who lives in his parent's home, with his new bride. They intend to live there "forever". (It's a large house). And the next generation will probably do the same.
I don't believe in kicking adult kids out of the house to satisfy some American ideal that adults have to buy their own house by a certain age or that independence correlates with living alone.
I have a cousin who moved back home after college. He lived with his parents, paying rent, for about 3 years, and then he went to grad school. Same school he attended for undergrad, about 20 minutes from home. For grad school, he lived in an apartment near campus. This May, he graduated and I learned from his mom, my aunt, that he's moving back home, yet again. From what she was saying, it's supposed to just be temporarily while he finds a job. He's 27. They also have a 23 year-old daughter who finished college last year living with them. Not sure if she pays rent or not.
Parents here, how would you feel about this? Would you allow your adult kids to move back home, and if so, is there a limit to how long or how many times they can use your residence as a fallback?
At least they don't have kids. I have a stepson and step daughter who moved back and stayed for a few year each with their kidS.
I think that it depends on the circumstances. Our daughter moved home for two years and the help that she gave me with caring for my disabled spouse (her father) more than made up for her not paying rent.
A friend's son lived at home during college and for several years after college and he saved up enough money to pay off his student loans, pay for his wedding and have the down payment for a small house (as his parents did not ask for rent).
Another friend's son lived at home during college & is now working full time. He now pays rent & half of the utilities so both he and his mom have more money to spend on other things than if they lived by themselves in two different places. They treat it like a room mate situation.
OTOH, an adult who doesn't work and just sponges off Mom & Dad often is just a lazy bum.
I agree it depends on the circumstances. Some cultures are like that, where the child lives at home with their parents until they get married (especially a daughter), in some cases the child is providing care like your daughter, heck my coworker in her 40s recently sold her house, her mom sold her house, and they bought one together, it's big enough that they have their own space but her mom is almost 80 and while she is still very active (travels alone and does part time work from home) she wanted to be close by in case anything were to happen. I had another friend back in CA who bought a house with her mom, so they both own half the house. They both work and contribute and they're very close. It really depends on the financial circumstances, the relationship between the parents and children, stuff like that.
I thought of another example, the lady who taught greek cooking classes in CA designed a house so that her adult daughter and grandchildren had their own house and she lived above them in her own apartment basically. You walk into the front area and there's stairs up to her place and then a hallway with a door that leads to her daughter/grandkids' place. So it's two separate living areas but in the same house. It worked wonderfully for them.
Having said all that...I would live in a cardboard box before moving back in with my parents
I knew what you meant and I tend to agree. While I don't think other cultures are wrong and don't judge people who grow up in the cultures that encourage adult children to live at home...I didn't grow up in that culture, I did live at home through college and am very grateful for the opportunity to not go into crippling debt while furthering my education, but I would generally think *in the "typical" US culture* yes young adult independence is what most people strive for. Barring circumstances like you mentioned in your post (job loss, divorce, health crisis, etc)
I agree. I can't see how it's anyone else's business.
That's why I asked parents. Presumably, of the adult children in question.
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