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OP, I am in my 50s and some of my closest friends are ones I made in the past decade. And no I don't have kids and these aren't FB friends either. These are genuine "there for you when your mom dies" kind of friends. I'm married but I met each of these people completely on my own.
I've met a couple of these friends through the neighborhood. Others I met through work and tennis.
The thing about cities like Atlanta (where I live) and Austin is that they are very heavily filled with transplants. In fact I just this minute realized that I'm the only one on my entire street of 20 homes who was actually born here.
I don't know you or what you like to do in your free time but from my experience it IS possible to build solid friendships in middle age.
OP, I am in my 50s and some of my closest friends are ones I made in the past decade. And no I don't have kids and these aren't FB friends either. These are genuine "there for you when your mom dies" kind of friends. I'm married but I met each of these people completely on my own.
I've met a couple of these friends through the neighborhood. Others I met through work and tennis.
The thing about cities like Atlanta (where I live) and Austin is that they are very heavily filled with transplants. In fact I just this minute realized that I'm the only one on my entire street of 20 homes who was actually born here.
I don't know you or what you like to do in your free time but from my experience it IS possible to build solid friendships in middle age.
Good luck to you!
A city of transplants does have a lot to do with it as well. Of course Atlanta is just an awesome city and easy to make friends in. I would guess Austin might be too, especially if you're liberal. Good luck and let us know what you decide!
I think the majority of people who spout off recommending Meetup.com have never tried it! It's a glib suggestion.
It's not a glib suggestion at all, at least from me. I run a meetup group for child-free women, which has a great mix of women (ages range from 20-70, average age being 30-50). We do small weekly or bi-weekly meetups (generally 6-12 people per event, depending on event - dinners, game nights, pub quizzes, happy hours, bowling, etc.) which allows everyone to get to know each other.
When I moved I started from 0 myself (in the same age range as the OP) and found meetup.com to be invaluable in making new friends. The thing is to find groups that reflect your specific interests, not just general social groups.
I would think long and hard about this. I'm in LA as well, but moved here while in my 20s after college, that was over 25 years ago. It was a different time when people were more open to new people, and of course you're younger. Moved up to Portland for two years at 40, found it quite difficult, and only formed one friendship(who was another CA transplant). I ended up moving back.
Moving to a new place where you don't know anybody and it sounds like you're single and without minor children puts you at major disadvantage. It would be different if you have school age children.
Let's face it's harder as we get older to form real frienships, add in today's society where people(and sometimes for good reason) are leery of new people, and many today walk around staring down at their phones, with earbuds in, makes it less likely to strike up conversations.
Because once you pick up and move, it's not so easy to "undo".
Have you visited Austin? In the warmer months? We're spoiled in Southern CA with moderate weather, and even when it gets hot not too humid. I was there one time in March and it was already hot and sticky. Maybe you like that kind of weather, I find it unbearable.
While it's not impossible to meet people, you have to think do I want to go through all this at this stage in the game. And if you find you made a mistake, do you have the means to reverse it?
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Originally Posted by Atlguy39
Great advice. I agree. Its really hard. You will have to work at it much more than you would have, say 20 years ago. People no longer value friendships like they once did. Having said that, again, there are worse places to relocate to, such as where I moved. Difficult decision for sure.
Agree with everything here. Anybody who says it's not harder in your 40s is just being a blind optimist or trying to be a pain in the @ss .
I'm not just a pessimist. I had TONS of friends in my 30s.
I would also say it's because 40s is a particularly hard age, because so many people have young kids. I think once my friends hit their late 50s and 60s, the kids will be out of the house and they'll be ready to hang out again.
I actually think that 50s is easier because of that reason. And 60s is probably even easier because of retirement and free time. So yea, 40s is probably the toughest.
It's harder in your late 50s, early 60s. There is an age barrier that develops around this time, in addition to all of the previously mentioned hurdles to forming friendships. Most mid-to-large city residents are predominantly hipsters in their 20s and 30s, maybe professionals in their 40s. At 62 in Sacramento, I am too young for the retirement crowd outside the city, too old for the inner-city hipsters. This applies to finding friends as well as more intimate relationships. I suppose retiring early (like me) won't be an option for many in the future, and that will help. The longer we work, the longer we can more easily stay physically connected to people. I'm a recluse by nature, so starting over in Sacramento isn't as bad for me as it would be for others. Meetup.com can work if you connect with the right group, but even then, I see many of those friendships don't extend beyond the particular activity/event (which is fine also, as it gets me out of the house and talking to someone periodically!).
I have been thinking of moving from Ventura County to Texas also (near Corpus Christi). Could buy a mansion there with what I get for my house here.
Do you have a job lined up there?
I moved several times and always found great friends - it can take a while though. I made friends with the realtor I used right after moving here. She pulled some strings and I got a job. Found great people at my workplace.
Isn't Austin a college town? Not sure how it is for "older" people to connect with such a vibrant area. I think moving to an area where you don't know a soul can be very challenging. Let us know how it turned out.
Austin? Great city but waaay too many people live there. Our friends there told us that several hundred people move there every MONTH. The highways have overpasses up to 6 stacked above each other. The place is insane.
Way too many people, yes, but they lied to you about overpasses.
Austin has plenty of options for making friends at any age. The social scene is very active. I can give you suggestions if you decide to move. However, if you're weird and socially awkward, you shouldn't get your hopes too high.
Most women in their 40's do not participate in sports teams/leagues. (bowling or curling, yes. Maybe badminton) Some who are runners would, but not the majority. I would wager that the majority of women in their 30's also do not do sports teams/leagues. Yes, there are good number who do - but a large portion of women are not athletic nor into kickball, touch football, softball, etc - and in one's 40's, it would be an exception. (don't know about the OP)
I think the majority of people who spout off recommending Meetup.com have never tried it! It's a glib suggestion.
Also this weekend pertaining to volunteering, one person on CD glibly said 'visit a rest home', as if just anyone off the street can walk into a nursing home or assisted living facility, sit down, and start talking to people (or would even want to) and as if everyone has the ability to walk into a facility and effectively talk with older people comfortably.
Not at all. The creative writing group I joined 6 years ago remains a central part of my social life. The friends I have made there will last me a lifetime. We are bound together by a mutual love of writing and reading. It's been lovely.
OP, I'm 41. I continue to add friends to my circle, though at a slower rate these days. And they are usually added through other friends (though not always). I think you have to be able to put yourself out there and ask to exchange contact info with someone you think you might click with. I think in your 40s it will DEFINITELY be difficult, but if you were going to do it anywhere, Austin would be the best possible environment. The music scene would likely provide some amazing opportunities to meet people. If you are a musician yourself, you may find that to be a social opportunity.
It's not a glib suggestion at all, at least from me. I run a meetup group for child-free women, which has a great mix of women (ages range from 20-70, average age being 30-50). We do small weekly or bi-weekly meetups (generally 6-12 people per event, depending on event - dinners, game nights, pub quizzes, happy hours, bowling, etc.) which allows everyone to get to know each other.
When I moved I started from 0 myself (in the same age range as the OP) and found meetup.com to be invaluable in making new friends. The thing is to find groups that reflect your specific interests, not just general social groups.
That's great, but these sound more like acquaintances than actual friends. It's great to meetup for dinner and a pub night.
How about when you need some help? You have surgery and need a ride home from the hospital and need someone to get you groceries, check up on you. You're elderly parent in your home state has taken ill and you need to leave for an extended time. Have a friend you can trust and count on to water your plants and feed your cat.
When you move to a new area by yourself and you're over a certain age, you have to think of these things.
There's a big difference between friends and acquaintances, and real friendships take time.
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