Friend who texts during meal (girls, messages, husband, person)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Y
I have tried to explain that meal time to me is a special social time and when she is texting it feels like I might as well be dining alone.. Like I am eating staring at a blank wall. In the group situation her texting was interrupting us all when she decided to get us to help her answer the text.
To you meal time is a special social time. She may not feel that meals are a special social time. Many people don't feel that way. Many of us grew up with dead silence at the dinner table unless someone was asking for the salt to be passed. I'm not sure how one can be social with a mouthful of peas.
My comment was actually in response to the idea that making social rules is somehow a "woman thing."
And yes, I am from a bygone era. I am such a fossil that we didn't have cell phones when I was a kid, because (gasp) they hadn't been invented yet, OMG! However, I do know many families now who have a similar rule: no devices at the table. Some of them even turn off the TV and talk to each other.
We had a similar rule in our house....that dinner was the time when the family sat down together, shared news, discussed family issues, made decisions, and simply caught up with each other and re-connected. No TV blaring, no one left to MAKE a phone call, and if the phone did ring, mom or dad gave a brief answer and promise to call back later. Can't say I ended up socially stunted as a result. What I did learn was that there is an appropriate time for most things. It also taught me impulse control and how to decide what is more important to pay attention to at the time.
Last edited by Parnassia; 11-01-2017 at 12:38 AM..
We get together every few weeks to catch up and sometimes take a weekend or day trip also.
If we are together all day I don't expect her to stay off the phone all day but when we are eating out it seems so rude. I have mentioned it enough that she knows how I feel about it. I can tell she is irritated that this bothers me. Last week we had 4 gals at the table and after she texted a few minutes I asked if she could do that later so we could enjoy the meal. She asked the 2 other gals if they minded and they said they didn't so she continued. Sometimes she will tell me what so & so is texting and what she is texting back. urgggg
It is at the point that I either need to decline plans to go eat and tell her why or try one more time to explain
the problem. Should I just tell her I don't want to eat out with her unless she is willing to put her phone away. That leaves it up to her.
No. I'd refrain from seeing her, you're not that important to her if she cannot even stop rudely texting during the short time you are together. I'd find someone who does appreciate eating out with me. It's too costly not to enjoy
If she does it again, while she is fooling with her phone excuse yourself "to the ladies' room." Then just leave. Before you drive off, send her a text: BYE!
I agree that the friend is being rude. There's a reason I haven't allowed phones at the dinner table for the last 15 years. If you sit down to a meal with a friend or family member, I don't think that it's asking too much to expect a few minutes of undivided attention. Let's face it -- just how important is a text, anyway? It's simply a conversation with another person while you are supposed to be with someone else. It is allowing another person to interrupt you while you are in a conversation with someone else. Plus, it automatically tells the person you are with that they are not as important/interesting/compelling/as much of a friend as the person on the other end of the phone.
My MIL now has a policy that all cell phones go into the basket by the front door for family dinners -- because the teenagers/young adults could not make eye contact with anyone else, and stayed busy texting other people (or, in some cases, texting other people in the room, which is as rude as whispering . . .)
If the OP doesn't care for the behavior, then the OP has the choice of whether they want to put up with it. Obviously, it bothers the OP enough to have mentioned it -- and equally obviously, the friend doesn't care if it bothers the OP, it's more important to be able to text spontaneously than it is to carry on a conversation with someone sitting right in front of you. I agree with the other posters -- the next time the friend starts texting, the OP should just stand up, throw some money on the table and say, "Looks like you have more important things to do . . . talk to you soon," and leave.
When I go out to lunch with a friend, the phone stays in the purse. There's no call that can't be returned in 30-60 minutes.
Depends. If someone has small children at home in the care of a sitter, or has a sick family member, I can understand checking to see if the call may be an emergency. It does happen sometimes. Other than that, I agree.
I love that she took a vote when you were out with other friends. Majority rules!
Next time, let the 3 of them go out without you. Find friends who don't do this.
Yeah, it's no longer just young folks who do this! It's REALLY bad where I live (Silicon Valley - go figure), and while the worst offenders are probably under 30ish, I see people of ALL ages constantly staring at their phones.
Funny story: I was standing in line at Panda Express one night, and realized I was the only person NOT on my phone. Pretty sad when you think about it, since we're talking about 5-7 minutes these people couldn't handle the real world. Anyway, I was genuinely curious as to what was SOOO important to check during these few minutes, so I looked at what the guy in front of me was doing (as I figure you can't whine about privacy when it's in my face) - and he was literally typing random numbers into a calculator. Seriously. How socially inept are some folks, where they'd rather tap nonsense onto a screen than make eye contact with live humans?
Standing in line, I can understand. I've seen some people pull out a paperback (years ago) while waiting in line - so a phone is no different in terms of reading, googling something, facebook, twitter, videogame, etc.
It's much more an issue if you're already socializing with someone and you're constantly doing something else, whether it is looking at your phone, or ogling other people if you're on a date - THAT is rudeness if it is more than a momentary glance now and then.
I agree that the friend is being rude. There's a reason I haven't allowed phones at the dinner table for the last 15 years.
My MIL now has a policy that all cell phones go into the basket by the front door for family dinners -- because the teenagers/young adults could not make eye contact with anyone else, and stayed busy texting other people (or, in some cases, texting other people in the room, which is as rude as whispering . . .)
When I go out to lunch with a friend, the phone stays in the purse. There's no call that can't be returned in 30-60 minutes.
If I was to go to a family gathering or to any sort of gathering and a "Phone Nazi" ordered that all phones are to be confiscated and placed in a basket I would turn around and walk out the door. I am not going to obey such nonsense.
Yes its rude if your phone is beeping or ringing in these situations, keep it silent or on vibe. But often people are obligated or dragged to family gatherings its not the highlight of everyone's life. So to force everyone to engage in something they may not feel the desire to be at is very selfish.
On top of that I am a big sports fan. If one of my teams is playing and I am dragged to something that happens to be at the same time, I am going to check my phone for updates or watch it if its possible. Life is short you need to enjoy what you can. Sorry if that means I miss out on Uncle Roy's story about his gallbladder surgery.
I would say that a business meeting with a client, a job interview or a first date would be occasions where texting would be inappropriate. Probably other situations but I have to think about it. Casual family or friends dinners should be just that casual. Do what you want as long as you are not disturbing others. If someone is so disturbed by another person quietly looking at their phone, well they need to look in the mirror. Its often someone that has to be the center of attention and can't handle a member of their audience who is not deeply engaged with what they are saying.
Last edited by Oklazona Bound; 11-01-2017 at 09:36 AM..
OP: next time you go out to eat with this "Texting" addicted friend, pull your tablet or laptop out, set it on the table (pushing dinnerware aside) start playing a game and completely ignore her.
I know, sounds ludicrous, right? Well, it is.
Ignoring dinner companions by texting or using a cell phone (unless there is a family/friend emergency situation going on) is 100% rude and childish.
Since we can't control others, you'll need to decide if being with her during a meal is worth having her ignoring you.
It's much more an issue if you're already socializing with someone and you're constantly doing something else, whether it is looking at your phone, or ogling other people if you're on a date - THAT is rudeness if it is more than a momentary glance now and then.
I agree with you in principle, the problem is everyone defines "constantly" and "momentary" differently. Everyone has their own list of what is an allowed "exception" to justify their actions. The conflicts begin when one person tries to impose their standards upon others.
If you don't enjoy the time you spend at dinner with a friend then don't have dinner with that friend, but you have no business demanding the friend behave in the way that pleases you. Maybe one day you can go online and order up an android friend that will be the perfect friend for you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
