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It is interesting to see the different parenting ways concerning all this.
I have some out of state family that make me feel very special when I visit. The kids are engaged and want to
spend time with you. They let you know by their behavior that they are glad you are visiting.
If the focus is on the tv or computer it is a mutual thing. Like everyone watching a show or doing something together on the computer (photos ect) The kids want to play games after dinner.
Other's that I visit is totally different. Riding in the car the kids all have earbuds in listening to music.
At the dinner table everyone is glued to the phone. After dinner the kids disappear to their rooms to play video games. Makes a guest feel unwelcome.
Two very different experiences.
To me it boils down to teaching kids to be "other" oriented & considerate of others.
Selfish vs Unselfish.
Reading the responses in this thread I think I can pick out some of both types of parents.
That is very true! I'm not a parent myself, but most of my friends/family are... and thankfully most of them are NOT the "kids with earbuds and devices" types. My sister has two kids, aged 10 and almost 8, and NO devices are allowed at the dinner table unless maybe we're sharing videos with grandma/grandpa. And as the adults, we are expected to (and usually do) model that behavior for them. My sister is guilty of breaking the rule sometimes, but her job requires being constantly available and responsive - so if her Apple Watch flashes, she might step away to make a call or text if it's important.
Standing in line, I can understand. I've seen some people pull out a paperback (years ago) while waiting in line - so a phone is no different in terms of reading, googling something, facebook, twitter, videogame, etc.
Maybe it's because I get vertigo easily, but I've never been the reading in line type either... doesn't it make you dizzy to be staring at something while standing/shuffling forward? Also, I'm talking about a FIVE-minute line on average, not 15-20 minutes. The latter I could understand, like if you're stuck waiting to get on a ride or into a concert. But five minutes at Panda Express? Can people really not just THINK or look around for that short amount of time? I'm always lost in my thoughts anyway, so for me it's easy to self-entertain. People watching can also pass the time, lol.
Reading the responses in this thread I think I can pick out some of both types of parents.
You having an opinion does not negate the fact that others have an opinion as well. That you continue to be condescending towards those that don't agree with you says a lot more about you than it does them, and is likely why your friend doesn't care how many times you've brought it up.
Kelly, for starters, in your post up there ^, you are confusing a marriage, where I think there is a much different expectation in the form of VOWs between you, with a friend, who you really have no right to make demands of. That's why I said in my first post to you, be glad you're not dating her, and enjoy the day.
If I have learned one thing from getting into real estate and meeting all kinds of people I have to get along with, it's that every single person on this planet is quirky, odd, funny, amusing, irritating and unlikable, at least some of the time. Every single one of us.
Her quirk apparently is that it really bothers her to let a text go unanswered. It bugs her. She'll sit and wonder what it is until she can't stand it any more she has to look. I understand this quirk.... I have known it.
Your quirk (at least one of them) is that this quirk of hers, bothers you so much. Even when you say she is only spending a few minutes out of the time spent together, doing this. Not constant, you said... Occasional. This is small stuff, IMHO.
You and she undoubtedly have other quirks, defects and flaws.... and hopefully you can learn to let the small stuff go.
Most restaurants are nicely decorated. There are worse things than looking at a wall in a restaurant for a couple minutes, or chatting with your other friends for a minute, while a friend checks a message. Shake your head and smile. Lord knows they're all going to have to be forgiving of you sometimes also.
My two cents.
That is not a "quirk". It's an addiction, and a very common one at that. It is commonly acknowledged to be rude, with the possible exception of teenagers or other young people engaging in it together. They don't seem to mind it. But in people over 30 or so, it's widely acknowledged to be rude, not a "quirk".
Kelly, for starters, in your post up there ^, you are confusing a marriage, where I think there is a much different expectation in the form of VOWs between you, with a friend, who you really have no right to make demands of. That's why I said in my first post to you, be glad you're not dating her, and enjoy the day.
If I have learned one thing from getting into real estate and meeting all kinds of people I have to get along with, it's that every single person on this planet is quirky, odd, funny, amusing, irritating and unlikable, at least some of the time. Every single one of us.
Her quirk apparently is that it really bothers her to let a text go unanswered. It bugs her. She'll sit and wonder what it is until she can't stand it any more she has to look. I understand this quirk.... I have known it.
Your quirk (at least one of them) is that this quirk of hers, bothers you so much. Even when you say she is only spending a few minutes out of the time spent together, doing this. Not constant, you said... Occasional. This is small stuff, IMHO.
You and she undoubtedly have other quirks, defects and flaws.... and hopefully you can learn to let the small stuff go.
Most restaurants are nicely decorated. There are worse things than looking at a wall in a restaurant for a couple minutes, or chatting with your other friends for a minute, while a friend checks a message. Shake your head and smile. Lord knows they're all going to have to be forgiving of you sometimes also.
My two cents.
My example with the marriage was to show that setting down personal boundaries is very different than being controlling. Many people get the two things confused.
In boundaries you are simply saying how you will be or won't be treated.. I see so many people that
have no boundaries and allow others to treat them horribly. They are usually miserable because of it too.
The other thoughts you posted are good things to consider. Friendships are valuable and you are saying
that my quick and hers are clashing. Good things to consider.
Boy has this thread exploded. Lots of emotions on both sides and I'm guessing it's generational as to who sides with the OP and who thinks it's not a big deal. Personally I think it's rude but then again I'm almost 60. BTW, I forgot my phone today and I've actually managed to survive without it.
You having an opinion does not negate the fact that others have an opinion as well. That you continue to be condescending towards those that don't agree with you says a lot more about you than it does them, and is likely why your friend doesn't care how many times you've brought it up.
Weren't you the poster that said expecting conversation at a meal was totally a
"chick" thing..
Also that I can't be a "true friend" if this bothers me .
But you are judging me for being "condescending towards those that don't agree with me"
Boy has this thread exploded. Lots of emotions on both sides and I'm guessing it's generational as to who sides with the OP and who thinks it's not a big deal. Personally I think it's rude but then again I'm almost 60. BTW, I forgot my phone today and I've actually managed to survive without it.
I'd also be curious to know the ages of everyone responding. I'm somewhere in the middle at 41 - so we're the generation that invented many of these devices, but still remember our manners from the days before them (and can live without constantly being "connected").
When a younger colleague of mine insisted she NEEDS to keep her cell phone on (and on her) at work, because "her kid might have an emergency," I wondered how we survived before cell phones. We're sitting at a DESK in our job, with a landline phone mere inches away. So, uhhhh, the babysitter or school can call you there perhaps? My mother is/was a librarian too, and that's what we did! I had the library's phone number memorized, and would just ask for her when the clerks answered. Not exactly rocket science.
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