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This gents social graces are just fine.
He asked .
The lady had many choices to respond and why.
I took a safety course..And there are ways to remain safe on a date or at the home. She was actually unsafe when in his car!!!
And yes I would have asked if he needed to use the facility or perhaps a bottle of water for his drive back.
This co worker may have sensed concern...Who knows.none of us were there.
All the OP did was support a tad bit of paranoia.
She should never have shared a car with him.
She should never have showed him where she lived.
I agree, except I wouldn't say this man had good social graces. He complained and whined when she wouldn't let him in her house. That shows poor boundaries.
I think she would be displaying poor manners to complain to the church/pastor about his behavior on the date. It's not their responsibility to monitor the personal lives of grown adults.
In re reading the original post. It made no mention of him whining. Were you there to determine his behavior or attitude? I'd be a bit ired if I had a long drive back and was denied using the bathroom or water for the ride back. Sure I'd find a local convenience store...But if they are miles from such... Hospitality isn't thwarted.
The only weird thing is that he complained about driving all that way without being let in...maybe he had to go to the bathroom before he left for home? I don't know - but I do think telling the pastor at the church is over the top. It's not his business what his employee does on his own time. If the guy was rude, ok fine. But he didn't cross the line, he just annoyed your friend. JMO...
Riiiight, that's the oldest trick in the book, to get into a woman's home. As if he couldn't have used the bathroom prior to driving her home.
The fact that he complained, AND said he'd driven a fair distance, as if that entitled him to come in, is a red flag, OP. Not only entitlement issues, but it sounds like potential anger issues in relation to women. You should warn your co-worker friend. And it's not a bad idea at all to tell the pastor, as suggested above. And what's this about he's always been let in after a date before?! Pressure tactics! Who cares who else has let him in? How is that relevant? This is not a gentleman.
Riiiight, that's the oldest trick in the book, to get into a woman's home. As if he couldn't have used the bathroom prior to driving her home.
The fact that he complained, AND said he'd driven a fair distance, as if that entitled him to come in, is a red flag, OP. Not only entitlement issues, but it sounds like potential anger issues in relation to women. You should warn your co-worker friend. And it's not a bad idea at all to tell the pastor, as suggested above. And what's this about he's always been let in after a date before?! Pressure tactics! Who cares who else has let him in? How is that relevant? This is not a gentleman.
I agree. Working in a high profile position in a church puts this on another level. He has a position of trust. Women need to speak up and let the pastor know. He doesn't sound like a good guy.
I'm semi retired from the company but I still go in three days a week . A co worker was telling me that she had a date on Wednesday night and he was the choir director at her church . Well when he dropped her off at her place he asked if he could come in and she told him no . She said he became a lil irritated and said that he had driven a good bit to get to her and he never had not been asked in . I told her that was not normal and she did the right thing by telling him no , who knows what he had in mind ? I told her she should also speak to the pastor of the church where he is employed and let the pastor know what occurred . I mean just because they are employed by a church does not mean they are a saint to put it mildly. For some reason that guy that worked for Joyce Meyer came into my head . The guy who handled security for her ministry at one time , he had killed his wife and two boys . Sad just sad . So I feel like I might have saved her life and I'm glad she told me and I told her so . Is this how men are acting on dates now ? I have been married a long time and I would not relish being single in this day and age at all .
So she went on a date with a man, the date was going well, and he wanted to extend their time together? I don't see what was so horrible about that. Yes, he could have been a by more tactful when asking to come in, but I don't see how that makes him a potential serial killer.
I also don't see why she needs to tell her pastor. How is an awkward date any of his business?
In this climate, where every man in Hollywood is a molester/pedophile/rapist, I suppose the non-celebs are looking under the bed for their own bogeyman.
Is it possible that the "date" was simply looking to delay parting from an interesting companion? It's also possible that he is a modern-day Jack the Ripper.
In the end, "No means No". The woman did what she felt was the right thing to do. Since we weren't there, (nor was the OP), I'd prefer to hear the story straight from the horse's mouth before deciding if the situation was so threatening as to be reported. To law enforcement.
In the meantime, as "Baron Munchausen" used to say, "Vas you dere, Charlie?"
If he was the least bit 'dangerous' or overly pushy, she would have had to refuse a lot more than his request to come in.
They have different expectations, he was a jerk in her opinion so no second date. End of story.
She should never have shared a car with him.
She should never have showed him where she lived.
In general, this is excellent advice. However, it sounds like the woman in this situation already knew the man from their church. He likely could find her address in the church directory.
When I started dating after my divorce in my 40s, I always drove myself to the place of a date, I parked far enough away so the man wouldn't even see my car or license plate, and I used only my first name in all correspondence and in my phone's voice mail greeting. And for first dates, I always had my best friend phone me sometime during the evening to make sure I felt safe.
I'm semi retired from the company but I still go in three days a week . A co worker was telling me that she had a date on Wednesday night and he was the choir director at her church . Well when he dropped her off at her place he asked if he could come in and she told him no . She said he became a lil irritated and said that he had driven a good bit to get to her and he never had not been asked in . I told her that was not normal and she did the right thing by telling him no , who knows what he had in mind ? I told her she should also speak to the pastor of the church where he is employed and let the pastor know what occurred . I mean just because they are employed by a church does not mean they are a saint to put it mildly. For some reason that guy that worked for Joyce Meyer came into my head . The guy who handled security for her ministry at one time , he had killed his wife and two boys . Sad just sad . So I feel like I might have saved her life and I'm glad she told me and I told her so . Is this how men are acting on dates now ? I have been married a long time and I would not relish being single in this day and age at all .
As a woman...I feel that the man's behavior was a red flag.Why would he get irritated about the woman saying No..he can't come in.I mean if the reason he had asked to come in was to use the restroom...that would be different BUT he never asked her that.He just asked to come into her room for no valid reason.Then by her saying 'no' he gets irritated??She shouldn't have to tell her employer about it BUT just make sure that her co-worker doesn't ever go out with that guy again.There is something off with how he responded to her saying NO.He shouldn't have taken it personally and he did.
Last edited by codergirl; 11-04-2017 at 10:16 AM..
Yes, the man she had the date with, is ill-mannered and socially clueless. Should it be reported to his employer? That may not be the right thing to do. She has the choice to simply not go out with him anymore, and move on. She was not raped, attacked or assaulted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
It does seem like a bit of a stretch that a choir director is going to be a secret serial killer who kills women in his own church, but that’s just me. I mean, I would think she would tell other people at the church they were going on a date and if she suddenly didn’t come back the next Sunday everyone would think that last they heard, she was going out with the choir director... It sounds like he might be socially clueless and a bit of a creeper, but I don’t think he’s nefarious.
Well you too say socially clueless. Maybe. I just think it's indicative of people who commit alot of time to a church setting....priest, pastor, bible study leader, choir director, ect......many of them don't have alot of experience with the other sex or dating in general and are often sexually frustrated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3
This gents social graces are just fine.
He asked .
The lady had many choices to respond and why.
I took a safety course..And there are ways to remain safe on a date or at the home. She was actually unsafe when in his car!!! .
All the OP did was support a tad bit of paranoia.
^^^^^^^^
This
Quote:
Originally Posted by janet bubby
Suggesting the man's employer be contacted over this is over the top and inappropriate. No, it isn't different or justified because it's a church.
Also wondering how exactly you feel you "saved her life".
Exactly. People really goto extremes nowadays. It is becoming really dangerous to say anything to women after hello if they don't make all of their intentions known. A man got rejected from going into his dates home, and here the OP is suggesting putting all of this information out on front street.
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), I'd prefer to hear the story straight from the horse's mouth before deciding if the situation was so threatening as to be reported. To law enforcement.